my friend's friends: put me down [Archive]

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stay_gold

01-08-12, 16:31

I have a friend I have known for ages and we used to be so close. He knows all about my anxiety and he helped me a lot last year.
This year, he totally changed. Whenever we hang with his friends he always puts me down. Making me out to be useless, or bringing random things about our childhood up to make me look bad, saying people don't like me and not saying who and most recently saying he's glad he doesn't have other friends like me. That hurt the most. Now his friends are beginning to do it.
I'm so furious about it, I've mentioned it b4 and nothing changed. I was gonna meet to talk again but I don't think its worth it. I'm getting numbness in my face writing this now. I really don't know what to do. Please help?

BobbyDog

01-08-12, 17:15

This person you are talking about obviously has an inferiority complex, big time!!!
He is taking his insecurities out on you, he lacks confidence and picking on you makes him feel big, he is a bully. It makes me mad just thinking about it, ignore them, they are not worth it, hopefully you will make new friends in time who will treat you with the respect that you deserve.
:mad:

stay_gold

01-08-12, 17:52

Omg, how did I not realise that?!

Thanks BobbyDog.

What do I do now though, its not easy to just ditch Someone you've know for so long or am I being weak?

BobbyDog

01-08-12, 18:08

Omg, how did I not realise that?!

Thanks BobbyDog.

What do I do now though, its not easy to just ditch Someone you've know for so long or am I being weak?
You have to stand up to them and give as good as you get.

stay_gold

01-08-12, 18:15

That's exactly what I was thinking, but last time I did that he simmered down and I ended up looking like the bad guy.

flossie

01-08-12, 19:59

Someone who treats you badly, in a way that you feel belittles you isn't a friend. Explain to him how his behaviour hurts you and how much you have valued his friendship and support. If he chooses not to change his behaviour toward you then it will be time to move on.
We all have relationships throughout our lives that come to a natural end. We grow and develop at different rates and move on in opposing directions. It isn't anything to worry about and neither of you need to be the bad guy, you just have differing needs from a friendship.

Anxious_gal

01-08-12, 20:13

It seems like he used to be a nice but insecure guy.
Then he made new friends, and developed an ego but a fragile one.
He uses you as a way of making him feel better about himself, he puts you down so he can put him self up.
His friends are just as bad.

It's not you, but by putting up with it you might as well be shouting that "it's ok to insult you and be mean".

I would find new friends :)

stay_gold

01-08-12, 20:18

Thanks flossie, I've already mentioned this to him already. I don't think he realises he's doing it but either way, there's some Kinda problem aimed at me and me only, I'm over putting up with it now, I have enough on my plate.
The thing is I know that if I cut him off it will crush him in a big way, I don't want that but I've put up with so much he even hit me Cos I embarrassed him during an arguement last year.
The more I think of it the more anxiety symptoms I get. One thing I know for sure is that I'm never hanging with him and his friends again.

---------- Post added at 20:18 ---------- Previous post was at 20:16 ----------

That's a really good way of putting it mishel thanks

Anxious_gal

01-08-12, 21:05

stay_gold

01-08-12, 21:44

I know it's hard but you are equal to this guy, your feelings matter just as much as his.
So try not to be too afraid of hurting him, plus it's the only way he will learn he can't treat people that way.

Try actually talking to him or write him an email.

Yeah, he'll tell all his friends, and I'll look worse but it doesn't matter Cos I'm not hanging out with his friends again.

Liviguy

02-08-12, 09:10

As Jeremy Kyle would say.

Tell him to do one.

Nobody needs friends like that.

johnielov

06-09-12, 08:12

:mad:Get rid of those people! They're no a FRIEND not at all! Especially the one that your treating as a friend he's no good at all for you. Why don't you meet other people and make friends, way better than that guy(?)