selfharming/overdose

[martin-sheff]

hi just wanted a bit of help/advice im currently on propranalol and citalopram,suffering with anxiety/depression, have been refered to a councilour (iapt) and has been good to talk to her as i struggle to talk to family or friends as i cant really talk to any of them so i bottle it all up and make things worse,i was asked numerous questions by the councilor,
one was, do you think about suicide? i said yes all the time which is true and have done for years,the next question was,have you ever tried to commit suicide i answered no,which is a lie i have tried it twice this year,
i dont know why i lied,well i think it might be because i dont want to end up being sectioned,that may sound dramatic but thats what goes through my mind,is it wise for me to come clean with her the next time i see her?

[PanchoGoz]

I would...I'm not experienced in these matters but there is quite a distinction between thinking about it and doing it, as lots of people have intrusive thoughts that pop up about suicide and people fear those thoughts, its part and parsel in anxiety, and the coucillor may think that is all these thoughts are. But if you actually tried, then she needs to know what a state you are in. I doubt she will section you, its your choice, but you must be in a really bad way and I urge you not to try again, if you ever feel like that, please please call the samaritans or a similar organisation.
It sounds like the citolopram is not doing it for you, she will know this if you are honest with her. If you tell her that you have tried to end it, she will realise this and hopefully put you on something more effective or at least take you more seriously.

The Sams number is 08457 90 90 90, write it on a piece of paper and keep it handy, you won't regret it. I know its an old saying but suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. :)

[martin-sheff]

@panchozgoz
thanks for the reply you do seam to talk sense (wish i could) i think your right about telling her,and i will when i see her next week,im dreading telling her obviously has she has been of good help to me even tho ive only seen her on 3 occasions so far,
i was given a card by her last week with samaritans and other organisations, (phone numbers) i will now put it in my wallet,with the citolopram ive been through the side affects and have gone now,but like you say they might not be of help.thanks again.

[Serenitie]

Hi Sheffield,

This is a really tough situation and I feel for you :hugs:

I was a social worker for many years before I changed careers. I think that you need to acknowledge and discuss your suicidal feelings which arise at intervals with someone and find coping strategies to deal with these feelings should they arise again.

They are a part of feeling anxious / depressed / isolated and alone and hopeless about the future and nothing to be ashamed of.

PanchoGoz offered great advice about having someone like the Samaritans to call and talk to should suicidal feelings arise again. Your counsellor is also skilled in helping to support you develop coping strategies for dealing with these feelings.

If any health professional feels that you are at significant risk of harm to yourself they have a duty of care to share this information which may result in detention under the Mental Health Act for your own safety.

It would be much better to discuss these feelings now while you are not in crisis or at risk to yourself and find a way to manage them before they become overwhelming or put your well being at risk.

Try to identify what makes you feel so hopeless and ways you could improve these areas of your life in small steps with the support of your counsellor.

A review of your medication with your GP may be a good idea too.

Wishing you every success with making progress. Keep us posted with how you get on.

[martin-sheff]

hi,serenitie,thanks for that,the councilor im seeing at the moment i actually think i only see her for 4-5 sessions and then i get refered to someone else who can help more i suppose, she has given good advice and has set me a task whick upto now i havent done as ive not felt upto it, its that i get really panicky in crowds or areas were there are lots of people,and she has suggested i try to stay in that situation a while longer than i usually would,until i had to get away from the situation.
i kind of know what sets me off into thinking about suicide and its a situation that will keep coming back,to which i cant seam to control, my councilor said to me if i do start thinking suicidle thoughts i should feel happy to go see the dr, but if i do what do i say to her? im no good with words i tend to write everything down,plus i cant always get appointments straight away.

[R.Barratt]

Hello :)
I'm so sorry you're feeling so down. I think its great you've been to see a councillor and are on here trying to get help. I believe you should be as honest as you can be so she can really help you. But I know that is easier said than done. Please know you can message me anyverdostime as I am also a self harmer and have overdosed so I understand how hard it is xxx

[martin-sheff]

hi r.barratt thanks for that it means a lot, im quite overwhelmed by the responses ive had,which is a good start for me as i struggle saying things to people on a face 2 face situation.

[yvonne_uk_98]

Hi Sheffield,

So sorry to hear your going through rough time. I can understand what your going through, I used to self-harm and have suicidal thoughts and carry them out. its good that you are going for counseling. your counselor will have talked to many people like yourself and will know that we don't tell right away. Drs like it when we go in with our piece of paper with everything that we have to say, because it shows that we took the time to think about what we need to tell the dr. sometimes I give my gp my piece of paper because I'm too shaky to tell her what I want to say. and its all down on my sheet of paper.

next time you phone for appointment say the dr says you to get an appointment today, use the dr, after you see the dr, make sure you make the next appointment. I go to mines on a regular basis.

[Serenitie]

Hi Sheffield,

Staying with your fear in situations can really help. I've been trying this lately and the fear does start to lose its power over you once you realise nothing bad will happen if you don't escape. Start with very small steps and build up gradually.

If you can pinpoint what makes you have suicidal feelings you can control how you manage your feelings about it. If it's something painful that happened to you maybe you need to talk about it and work through your feelings so they don't become so overwhelming. We can't change what has happened to us in the past but we can change how we respond to it and manage our feelings about these situations.

If you feel that you can put things down better in writing, you can visit your GP with a list of things to discuss and read it or hand it to her. The samaritans can also be contacted by email. You can always come on here for support too. You've had a great response to this post! :)

Keep talking and asking for support when you need it. You are making great progress already by the very action of seeking help and support.
Wishing you every success :hugs:

[martin-sheff]

my doctor dosn't seam to be very sympathetic and allways seams to be rushing me out, im aware they are busy people but the way i see it is whats the point in me seeing her,eg: i had to see her the other day about somthing else and whilst i was there i asked her about my medication review which the receptionist had told me i needed, so i asked her she pressed a few buttons and said all done,no question of how am i feeling/getting on with the medication,i actually dont think there working anymore as im back to feeling like a was before i started taking them, i will email samaritans this evening as im not good on the phone, again thanks for all the replies.

[martin-sheff]

update: ive been to see the councilor today and i did write everything down of how i had been the last 2 weeks and the fact that i had taken an overdose on two occasions,so all we chatted about was what was id written down,and explained why they have to say that if i do anything that could be harmfull to myself or anybody else then it would have to be reported,i understand that now, but at the time it did freak me out hence not being honest with her,im glad i told her everything now,has she said we have something to work with,she made an appointment for me to see gp re:my medication review so hopefully it can be sorted,she asked if she could keep a copy of the letter to which i agreed.

[shotokansho]

Hey I'm glad you have made some progress, sounds like you are getting a lot out of seeing your counsellor. I can say that I am similar to you, I also have a past history of overdose and not that long ago either. I suffer with obsessive intrusive thoughts that involve thoughts of suicide and self harm, but somehow the professionals seem to know how to differentiate that between reality and just thoughts. Plus they won't just section you without very good reason and most of the time they would rather you go voluntarily. The times when I have overdosed the docs in A&E have sent for the on duty Psychiatrist to see me and I have still been sent home, it's very hard to get sectioned these days.

[Serenitie]

update: ive been to see the councilor today and i did write everything down of how i had been the last 2 weeks and the fact that i had taken an overdose on two occasions,so all we chatted about was what was id written down,and explained why they have to say that if i do anything that could be harmfull to myself or anybody else then it would have to be reported,i understand that now, but at the time it did freak me out hence not being honest with her,im glad i told her everything now,has she said we have something to work with,she made an appointment for me to see gp re:my medication review so hopefully it can be sorted,she asked if she could keep a copy of the letter to which i agreed.

Well done! It sounds like you are making real progress. Good for you! :)

[martin-sheff]

thanks to you both.

[martin-sheff]

went for my medication review today,and to discuss that letter id written for the councilor and i could tell she had'nt read it properly due to her stating it was a long time back when you took them overdoses,to which i said no it was twice this year,ive come to the conclusion that im a lost cause as far as the GP is concerned,how can i go to her if im feeling that bad were i want to self harm with her attitude towards me.the councilor asked me last week, if i felt that low could i go to see my GP and i said yes,but after today the answer is no,my only option would be going to the local A&E as im told there is usually someone there that i can talk too and get help out of hours.(got my citalopram changed from 20mg /day to 30mg/day. lets hope that works.