View Full Version : Do you refuse to allow yourself to feel ok?
Not sure if it's just me but there are times when I must forget about feeling ill and anxious and then somehow feel that it's wrong. It's as if I believe that all is well will somehow leave me open to a nasty surprise.
It's as if living my life thinking the worst will somehow keep me one step ahead.
I so genuinely want to just kick myself up the ass and allow the 'I feel good' me carry on.
We spend so long living with anxiety that it actually becomes the norm.
Then when things get better it doesn't feel "right".
Messed up is it not?
;)
That it is mate. Very messed up. I actually feel a bit scared about getting over this and not thinking the worst as it's been part of my life for 18 years.
Yep.
You'll be thinking "What the hell will I do now?"
I know.
Like smiling, laughing, enjoying life, family life, activities etc etc.
Sounds like a nightmare.................. NOT.
Not sure if it's just me but there are times when I must forget about feeling ill and anxious and then somehow feel that it's wrong. It's as if I believe that all is well will somehow leave me open to a nasty surprise.
It's as if living my life thinking the worst will somehow keep me one step ahead.
I so genuinely want to just kick myself up the ass and allow the 'I feel good' me carry on.omg thought there was only me afraid to feel normal its like as soon as i am aware of it i go tense and panicky as if i dont feel right scarey to think staying in a state of tension and panic is normal well been this way for near on 40yrs so it prob is my normal wouldlv to be free tried so many things still looking never give up hope take care trish
I don't want to be negative on this and still live in hope that one day I will not act the way I do, after 18 years I am now questioning if it's something I am just stuck with for the rest of my life.
I do that every day, I think 'Wow, I'm not anxious at the moment'.As if I don't have the right to be happy like everyone else. Then I think, 'It will come along at some stage today'.
I have had this anxiety for 18 years, it's like the real me is locked away in some small box somewhere screaming to get out. I will!!!!
The problem being the mistake of recognising the fact you feel ok. It automatically makes you feel abnormal and the anxiety comes back.
The problem being the mistake of recognising the fact you feel ok. It automatically makes you feel abnormal and the anxiety comes back.
You are right, what we need to do is get on with our lives regardless and not analyse everything.
Ditto. Last week I woke up completely symptom free - hurrah..... you'd think! It felt really strange. No headache, no heaviness in my body, no blah blah blah. It wasn't that I missed the symptoms but it didn't feel right. I was monitoring my whole body for the next thing to happen.... and the next day it was all back. Now I wish I had made the most of that day and just accepted it for what it could have been - an anxiety free day. xx
Doesn't it just piss you off big time.
It is as if all we want is for the symptoms to go. Then when they do we kind of in a sick sort of way want them to return as it feels wierd not having them.
Yeh - I really don't get that. It's like I'm afraid to enjoy the day because what's the point, it's only going to come back tomorrow. Mentally, it's takes up all of my thought process. It's the first thing I think about when I wake up, the last thing I think about at night and those moments when I have time on my hands - it's all about symptoms, anxiety and why, why, why! Head and brick wall are the words that come to mind :doh:! xx
Yeh - I really don't get that. It's like I'm afraid to enjoy the day because what's the point, it's only going to come back tomorrow.
That's where the hard bit comes into play.
If you do enjoy your day you need to stop thinking what's the point, it's only going to come back tomorrow you have to think wow, tomorrow CAN be like today.
You get thought #1 (wow im not anxious/i havent felt it in ages/bound to feel it soon) then your reaction, thought #2 (Oh no what if I get anxious again/theres something wrong with me/ill never get better). Thought 2 is usually wrong, catastrophising or mistakenly beliving you are not what you really are. Why do you get thoguht 2? You still don't want the anxiety to come back.
Want it! Or at least, pretend you love having anxiety. If you get thought number 1, say to yourself instead of thought 2, and catch it quickly, "ooh good I hope it comes back/I do miss having anxiety/it was great practise for bad situations/it will be good fun to get through it again". It's a big hurdle, another part of acceptance.
I thought i was the only one who thought this! Its mad the other day im driving along all happy listening to radio1, and then Boom! i think god im happy! i cant be happy!
and back to being anxious again???
Its like i feel guilty for being happy? Ive only been suffering with anxiety a couple of months... and im always worried i wont go back to being normal.
littleredhen
03-08-12, 07:12
yes, I feel like this with my depression. I've been living with it for so long that when I have good days it feels very weird. Almost like I miss it - a big part of my personality isn't there anymore. I have previously had bi-polar diagnosed though, so when on meds I am very evened out - no bad lows, but no highs either, so just get a bit numb.
Also - maybe because of the bi-polar - I tend to get frightened of feeling good and it brings on a panic attack because feeling good usually ends up with me taking on the world, creating havoc and disaster and then is followed by a terrible low.
This sounds terrible to say, but I think I'm a bit addicted to feeling bad, because there's safety there. I don't go out, don't do anything, don't make bad decisions = safer.
yes, I feel like this with my depression. I've been living with it for so long that when I have good days it feels very weird. Almost like I miss it - a big part of my personality isn't there anymore. I have previously had bi-polar diagnosed though, so when on meds I am very evened out - no bad lows, but no highs either, so just get a bit numb.
Also - maybe because of the bi-polar - I tend to get frightened of feeling good and it brings on a panic attack because feeling good usually ends up with me taking on the world, creating havoc and disaster and then is followed by a terrible low.
This sounds terrible to say, but I think I'm a bit addicted to feeling bad, because there's safety there. I don't go out, don't do anything, don't make bad decisions = safer.
I have a friend who is Bi-Polar and he refuses point blank to take meds to even himself out because he rekons that the up times are so amazing that the down times are bearable till he gets to the next up.
befuddled1
04-08-12, 13:03
I don't know how to feel alright. I simply don't understand it, what it is. When I find myself considering that I am feeling ok, I am thoroughly perplexed by it and by where to go from there. Things aren't ok in the world, it's not right for me to feel that. You can't feel happy all the time so why feel happy at all - this also is a recurring bothersome idea...it has come about as I have had some better feelings lately.
I don't know what I'm meant to feel. I don't understand much. I don't understand how people feel most of the time...it they are not happy or troubled then what are they? Where are they at? What are they thinking about on the bus to work? How do they know what to feel?
You get thought #1 (wow im not anxious/i havent felt it in ages/bound to feel it soon) then your reaction, thought #2 (Oh no what if I get anxious again/theres something wrong with me/ill never get better). Thought 2 is usually wrong, catastrophising or mistakenly beliving you are not what you really are. Why do you get thoguht 2? You still don't want the anxiety to come back.
Want it! Or at least, pretend you love having anxiety. If you get thought number 1, say to yourself instead of thought 2, and catch it quickly, "ooh good I hope it comes back/I do miss having anxiety/it was great practise for bad situations/it will be good fun to get through it again". It's a big hurdle, another part of acceptance.
Really helpful words, i m in my yard watering my plants, and an anxious tought came by, so i said, hey lets visit the forum . It always helps not feeling alone in this
Thank you :yahoo:
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