Depression or bipolar?

[Nostromo]

Hello all, I'm new to this forum, if not depression and anxiety!

I've always suffered with anxiety and had a breakdown when I was 17 yrs old (am now 40).

I've been on and off meds for years for what my GP says is depression and anxiety caused by my phobia (emetophobia). I currently take 15mg of mirtazipine.

However, I've noticed recently that my depression comes in cycles. I will suddenly get maudlin and depressed, find endless fault with my husband and think of ending our marriage and after a few days of this, I will then become happy, feel there's nothing wrong with our marriage and that the world is full of sunshine, birds and flowers. :scared15:

I'm worried that this is bipolar or something like it, but don't want to go to my GP and suggest this as I always feel that when I go to my GP, he won't believe me (childhood thing) or that he'll feel I've looked something up on the internet and I'm trying to make myself fit into it.

I'm not. I have horrible intrusive thoughts that I'm always fighting about harming myself. I've only harmed once as a child and I have never done it since, but I see it happening in my mind. I don't mean cutting or anything like that, I mean a fracture or something. Something that will put me out of action for a while so that everyday responsibilities will fall onto someone else's shoulders, not mine.

I've looked at self harming forums to see if anyone else is like me (wanting to injure self to avoid responsibility) but everyone seems to harm to relieve pain inside or they like to see the blood, etc, like a release. That's not me, and I can't find anyone that wants to do it for the same reasons as me, so I don't feel like I belong there.

I haven't mentioned these thoughts to my other half. As far as he's concerned, I'm fine and don't need to be on meds at all, though how he can think that when I nearly kicked him out last week during one of my downers, I don't know!

Don't know what I'm asking really.......guess I just needed to say this. Thanks for reading anyway.

N.

[BobbyDog]

If you look up the symptoms of Bipolar on the internet, I think you will find that their down periods are much longer that their high's, they get severely depressed, much more so than you describe, when they are high, they can hallucinate or hear voices. There are many other symptoms, but I am not an expert on the subject.

What you are describing to me are symptoms of anxiety, I have had the intrusive thoughts, questioned my relationship and binned it after 12 years and many other things besides. I also get depressed.

I would suggest that you talk to your husband and explain to him how you are feeling, he will not know if you do not tell him, also go back to your doctor and tell him your symptoms, perhaps your medication is not helping you, he may increase it or change it. CBT could be another option for you to explore.

[ElizabethJane]

Hi the symptoms that you describe do not sound like bi-polar? Only a psychiatrist can give you a diagnosis and you will need a referral from your GP to see one which might take a while? You need some help and support for your intrusive thoughts and confiding in your GP might be the best course of action? Keeping a diary of your moods will help your psychiatrist pin point the highs and lows. In bi-polar the highs are usually very high and the lows very low. You migt still benefit from a mood stabiliser. I am on lithium which I take for severe recurrent depression. It also helps with suicidal thoughts and prevents me from getting depressed. Please go and talk to someone. EJ.

[Nostromo]

Thank you for your replies.

I've had CBT before for help with my phobia and it worked somewhat whilst I was doing it, but once I'd had my prescribed 8 sessions, it ended and I returned to how it all was before. Previously, I've had sessions with a hypnotherapist, reflexologist, aromatherapy and have been seen by a psychiatrist, who, quite frankly, was useless and I refused to go back to him.

The idea of keeping a mood diary is a good one and I'll do that - that sounds a really good idea and one I'd not considered doing. I'll do that for a month or two and then, if I go to my GP, I'll have some evidence for him. Usually I go there and the stress of going just causes me to burst into tears and make no sense whatsoever. I try and write it down to help with this.

Got a holiday coming up this week, so hoping that will go okay and I'll enjoy it. Hope everything is going well with everyone else.

Thank you again for your replies.

[BobbyDog]

Thank you for your replies.

I've had CBT before for help with my phobia and it worked somewhat whilst I was doing it, but once I'd had my prescribed 8 sessions, it ended and I returned to how it all was before. Previously, I've had sessions with a hypnotherapist, reflexologist, aromatherapy and have been seen by a psychiatrist, who, quite frankly, was useless and I refused to go back to him.

The idea of keeping a mood diary is a good one and I'll do that - that sounds a really good idea and one I'd not considered doing. I'll do that for a month or two and then, if I go to my GP, I'll have some evidence for him. Usually I go there and the stress of going just causes me to burst into tears and make no sense whatsoever. I try and write it down to help with this.

Got a holiday coming up this week, so hoping that will go okay and I'll enjoy it. Hope everything is going well with everyone else.

Thank you again for your replies.

Why don't you go back to the doctor now, before you get to braking point and start crying in the surgery. You have been able to explain yourself well to us here. Write the same information down or print out what you have written here, I think it is a good indication of how you are feeling at the moment.:hugs:

[iovercamesocialph]

There are so many things that this can be. I'd suggest packing your bags and going to a doctor often. Explain everything like the above answer said. I never had the same problem, but I do know that it is very powerful to get a doctor's help.

Regarding the bipolar issue, it can be, but I don't think it is. It is very rare for a person to have bipolar once they start to think if they have bipolar. Although I'm no expert, so it really does depend. It's very recommended that you get checked up!

Good luck!

[Nostromo]

Thank you. I'm going away this week, so no chance to go to my GP, but will keep a mood diary whilst I'm away and go see him when I get back.