TheBrink
05-08-12, 04:14
It's almost 4 in the morning, and I'm on my third night in a row with next to no sleep, so now seemed like a good time to do something constructive, like register here.
To provide some background, I suppose I've always suffered from excessive anxiety, although I was only able to admit that about 2 years ago. I repeatedly went back to doctors, and emergency rooms insisting that I must have a brain tumour, or an aneurysm, or an AVM, because I could think of no other possible explanation for the constant dizziness, headaches, and cognitive difficulties (such as a complete lack of ability to focus or concentrate) that I was having. After having a full on panic attack in the middle of a shopping centre, and showing up at A & E convinced it was something else, like a stroke, or a heart attack, I was eventually forced to accept that there might be a link between these physical symptoms and my emotional state.
This helped me to manage it to some extent, and I was just about able to get through my final year at university. Over the past two years, I've reflected a lot on my past, and I've come to realise that anxiety has controlled me all my life, and I've just never admitted it to myself. Instead I would quit jobs, college courses, university places, not show up for interviews, appointments etc, and simply never admit to myself that it was because I was gripped by crippling fear. I'd had panic attacks in the past, and just never called them that, to myself or anybody else.
Things have been better since. I still have the physical symptoms I outlined earlier, to a greater or lesser extent, but I have been able to cope, by and large. Holding down a job, moving house a couple of times, all relatively OK, until three weeks ago, a promotion at work sort of dropped, without my looking for it, into my lap. Since then it's been hell. My head is constantly buzzing, and my chest is constantly tight. I feel like I'm on the brink of a panic attack 24-7. Between the constant effect of my head spinning, and hardly sleeping at night, I'm barely functioning at work.
My doctor has recommended calms and rescue remedy, and it was actually her who recommended this site, but to be honest, I sort of just hoped if I gave it enough time, I would acclimatise, and things would get back to normal, but I can see now that this is not going to happen. I need to learn how to manage this somehow. I need to build a skillset to help me cope with my anxiety, or matters are only going to get worse.
So that's why I'm here really, because I have no idea where to start.
I apologise for starting out with such a massive, rambling post, but to be totally honest, this is the first time I've really put all this into words, and I'm hoping just the act of writing it all down will be cathartic, and I might be able to get some sleep tonight.
:wacko:
To provide some background, I suppose I've always suffered from excessive anxiety, although I was only able to admit that about 2 years ago. I repeatedly went back to doctors, and emergency rooms insisting that I must have a brain tumour, or an aneurysm, or an AVM, because I could think of no other possible explanation for the constant dizziness, headaches, and cognitive difficulties (such as a complete lack of ability to focus or concentrate) that I was having. After having a full on panic attack in the middle of a shopping centre, and showing up at A & E convinced it was something else, like a stroke, or a heart attack, I was eventually forced to accept that there might be a link between these physical symptoms and my emotional state.
This helped me to manage it to some extent, and I was just about able to get through my final year at university. Over the past two years, I've reflected a lot on my past, and I've come to realise that anxiety has controlled me all my life, and I've just never admitted it to myself. Instead I would quit jobs, college courses, university places, not show up for interviews, appointments etc, and simply never admit to myself that it was because I was gripped by crippling fear. I'd had panic attacks in the past, and just never called them that, to myself or anybody else.
Things have been better since. I still have the physical symptoms I outlined earlier, to a greater or lesser extent, but I have been able to cope, by and large. Holding down a job, moving house a couple of times, all relatively OK, until three weeks ago, a promotion at work sort of dropped, without my looking for it, into my lap. Since then it's been hell. My head is constantly buzzing, and my chest is constantly tight. I feel like I'm on the brink of a panic attack 24-7. Between the constant effect of my head spinning, and hardly sleeping at night, I'm barely functioning at work.
My doctor has recommended calms and rescue remedy, and it was actually her who recommended this site, but to be honest, I sort of just hoped if I gave it enough time, I would acclimatise, and things would get back to normal, but I can see now that this is not going to happen. I need to learn how to manage this somehow. I need to build a skillset to help me cope with my anxiety, or matters are only going to get worse.
So that's why I'm here really, because I have no idea where to start.
I apologise for starting out with such a massive, rambling post, but to be totally honest, this is the first time I've really put all this into words, and I'm hoping just the act of writing it all down will be cathartic, and I might be able to get some sleep tonight.
:wacko: