swgrl09
05-08-12, 16:04
Had a nervous breakdown last night to my fiance .... I'm so overwhelmed with different anxiety-causing/provoking things in my life. I have PTSD due to trauma last year, general anxiety and hypochondria, and am grieving the loss of my mom still ... it's been a year and a half since she died and I still feel like it is yesterday.
The PTSD and grief are hardest at the moment. For example I did not sleep for three days straight last week due to being triggered by being told the person who caused the trauma is trying to come around to my family during the holidays this year. I then got really sick (already was but this made it much worse) and missed a week of work. Also planning a wedding without my mom is so hard. I try to keep a good face on but I miss her so much and his mom trying to be involved makes me want my mom there even more. I love my future mother in law but she isn't my mom.
On top of this I am starting my internship in graduate school this fall (in September) and am very anxious about not being good enough and not knowing what I'm doing. My fiance will be traveling for three weeks starting this Tuesday. Then he will be gone every weekend September through December (all for work). He is usually my rock and helps me through all of the stressful situations. He says I can call him, but he will be working overnights so our hours won't quite match up well.
I am wondering if I am getting depressed. I just feel so overwhelmed by life at the moment and don't want to work, it causes more stress on me. I do social work, which can be a good job but also is stressful and difficult. I don't make a lot and fiance says I can leave any time but we aren't rich, I want a little bit of money coming in even though I get student loans.
I know I have posted about this before but I am just so overwhelmed and don't quite know what to do any more. I have counseling Tuesday night after he goes off on his next work trip, so I guess I'll discuss the not sleeping with the counselor then. We are also doing EMDR. I hate that one trigger can make me not sleep for nights and then I had horrible nightmares about the traumatic incident once I finally did sleep.
I just needed to get this off my chest again. Hope not too annoying because it is repetitive. I just am not sure how to feel better.
The PTSD and grief are hardest at the moment. For example I did not sleep for three days straight last week due to being triggered by being told the person who caused the trauma is trying to come around to my family during the holidays this year. I then got really sick (already was but this made it much worse) and missed a week of work. Also planning a wedding without my mom is so hard. I try to keep a good face on but I miss her so much and his mom trying to be involved makes me want my mom there even more. I love my future mother in law but she isn't my mom.
On top of this I am starting my internship in graduate school this fall (in September) and am very anxious about not being good enough and not knowing what I'm doing. My fiance will be traveling for three weeks starting this Tuesday. Then he will be gone every weekend September through December (all for work). He is usually my rock and helps me through all of the stressful situations. He says I can call him, but he will be working overnights so our hours won't quite match up well.
I am wondering if I am getting depressed. I just feel so overwhelmed by life at the moment and don't want to work, it causes more stress on me. I do social work, which can be a good job but also is stressful and difficult. I don't make a lot and fiance says I can leave any time but we aren't rich, I want a little bit of money coming in even though I get student loans.
I know I have posted about this before but I am just so overwhelmed and don't quite know what to do any more. I have counseling Tuesday night after he goes off on his next work trip, so I guess I'll discuss the not sleeping with the counselor then. We are also doing EMDR. I hate that one trigger can make me not sleep for nights and then I had horrible nightmares about the traumatic incident once I finally did sleep.
I just needed to get this off my chest again. Hope not too annoying because it is repetitive. I just am not sure how to feel better.