Jawline
06-08-12, 19:36
OK. This is a long story, so bear with me.
I'm currently just over a week away for receiving my results for a comprehensive STI screen. I've not experienced any symptoms, but my wife of three years and I have been together for a total of over five years, and neither of us have been tested in that time (save for a chlamydia test five years ago, which was clear). I had last had a full test in 2006, and passed with flying colours.
I finally bit the bullet and decided to get another full test last week. I'm worried about NOTHING except HIV, what with that being a lifelong ailment and all. My reasons for worrying are as follows : before meeting my wife, I had two unprotected sexual encounters, the latter of which also involved unprotected anal. I am still in contact with these two ladies (both of whom are from low-risk groups), and on friendly terms, thanks to the magic of the internet : both of them have subsequently been in long-term relationships and while I have no knowledge of their testing status, I would like to think that if they HAD been tested and uncovered anything nasty, they would let me know.
However, just over two years ago, I was stupid enough to have a brief affair (again, she was from a low-risk segment of society), which involved a single instance of unprotected sex (not to completion, if you get my meaning). Thankfully my marriage survived this intact, and I cherish every moment with my wife and am eternally grateful for my undeserved second chance. The girl I had the affair with had apparently tested clean shortly before. I can neither confirm nor deny this, as I made a promise to never make contact with her again (and at any rate, she seems to have vanished from the internet altogether). However, what I did noticed before she vanished from the land of internet were some rather cryptic social status updates attributed to her. One read "*her name* is infectious..." and another read "Look what you've done." My lingering guilt has made me assume these were directed at me from afar (she'd done that with statuses before, being a tad loopy and such), and my only thought is that I've either acquired HIV therefrom, or passed it on to her from one of my previous encounters... and therefore, of absolute importance, put my wife in danger. Now, having done some internet sleuthing, the rough timeframe of the "is infectious" update coincided with an outbreak of a respiratory illness in her region, affecting her age group, and "Look what you've done" is the title of a song written from the point of view of someone post-bad-relationship... but I've nonetheless convinced myself that I have, due to my carelessness and idiocy, acquired HIV and potentially doomed my wife also.
I am going out of my mind with worry, crying every day, having to pound back sleeping pills to get any sleep, and constantly viewing transmission statistics and feverishly trying every search term I can to try and find out what may have happened. Essentially, I'm convinced that I am now a statistic. I really don't know how I am going to make it through the next week until I get my results. My wife knows of my worries and says that she will stay with me no matter what I may or may not have given her. I am a lucky man, but terrified nonetheless.
I'm currently just over a week away for receiving my results for a comprehensive STI screen. I've not experienced any symptoms, but my wife of three years and I have been together for a total of over five years, and neither of us have been tested in that time (save for a chlamydia test five years ago, which was clear). I had last had a full test in 2006, and passed with flying colours.
I finally bit the bullet and decided to get another full test last week. I'm worried about NOTHING except HIV, what with that being a lifelong ailment and all. My reasons for worrying are as follows : before meeting my wife, I had two unprotected sexual encounters, the latter of which also involved unprotected anal. I am still in contact with these two ladies (both of whom are from low-risk groups), and on friendly terms, thanks to the magic of the internet : both of them have subsequently been in long-term relationships and while I have no knowledge of their testing status, I would like to think that if they HAD been tested and uncovered anything nasty, they would let me know.
However, just over two years ago, I was stupid enough to have a brief affair (again, she was from a low-risk segment of society), which involved a single instance of unprotected sex (not to completion, if you get my meaning). Thankfully my marriage survived this intact, and I cherish every moment with my wife and am eternally grateful for my undeserved second chance. The girl I had the affair with had apparently tested clean shortly before. I can neither confirm nor deny this, as I made a promise to never make contact with her again (and at any rate, she seems to have vanished from the internet altogether). However, what I did noticed before she vanished from the land of internet were some rather cryptic social status updates attributed to her. One read "*her name* is infectious..." and another read "Look what you've done." My lingering guilt has made me assume these were directed at me from afar (she'd done that with statuses before, being a tad loopy and such), and my only thought is that I've either acquired HIV therefrom, or passed it on to her from one of my previous encounters... and therefore, of absolute importance, put my wife in danger. Now, having done some internet sleuthing, the rough timeframe of the "is infectious" update coincided with an outbreak of a respiratory illness in her region, affecting her age group, and "Look what you've done" is the title of a song written from the point of view of someone post-bad-relationship... but I've nonetheless convinced myself that I have, due to my carelessness and idiocy, acquired HIV and potentially doomed my wife also.
I am going out of my mind with worry, crying every day, having to pound back sleeping pills to get any sleep, and constantly viewing transmission statistics and feverishly trying every search term I can to try and find out what may have happened. Essentially, I'm convinced that I am now a statistic. I really don't know how I am going to make it through the next week until I get my results. My wife knows of my worries and says that she will stay with me no matter what I may or may not have given her. I am a lucky man, but terrified nonetheless.