Is it all going wrong again?

[becks xxx]

Hi i havent been on here for a while as even though my anxiety was there i was getting on with daily things and anxiety suddenly wasn't as bad - i was finally getting to grips with this thing.
Until 3 months ago...

Around the middle of may time, i started getting these daily aches and pains all over my body mostly in my arms and legs, i was scared but just carried on thinking it must be anxiety, some days were better than others

Then for the beginning of june i had a holiday booked with my mum and my nan, from not wanting to leave my house till now going on holiday you can imagine what a big deal this was for me and how much it proved how better i was doing and how far id come. Before this though, the nerves were beginning to kick in and the what ifs were starting so maybe thats why i was getting the aches and pains few weeks before?

So holiday is supposed to be a relaxing time.. it was far from that. I did have some good times, but a lot of the time i was crying and saying i wanted to go home. i didnt feel comfortable in a different country that i didnt know, i felt trapped and so far from home. Day times werent too bad, but night times were horrendous. because i still have this fear of eating out in restaurants with people, we done this every night. so every night while i was getting ready i got so anxious and would cry but keep it to myself. - so overall was a stressful week.. but never got no aches or pains once

Then the day i got back home, i felt sooo tired. I woke up the next day still feeling tired but went out to meet a friend. From then on this aachy, no energy, tired feeling kept coming back. Sometimes its the tired feeling, sometimes its the achy feeling. But it's weird because i can be fine then this overwhelming tiredness come crashing down for half hour then disappears and happens again in another few hours... the last 2 weeks it was really bad now it's hardly there? but i still just dont have energy to do much ... and also ive started getting panic attacks again the last few weeks

i'm so confused what is this? im so scared, is it chronic fatigue syndrome/ but how can it be i went away in june, its now august! i also keep feeling so blank - is it a brain tumour? and i feel depressed lately - is it thyroid?

and now yesterday a girl i went to school with passed away... so suddenly. now i keep thinking how scary life is and how you never know what's round the corner .. it's just so scary.
what is this tired/achy feeelings? it cannot be anxiety can it? cfs maybe? i'm too scared to go to a doctor

[Annie0904]

Maybe getting so anxious about the holiday was a trigger for you and it is difficult to get it out of your mind again. I went on holiday with my family last week and wish I hadn't, I was the same as you only I didn't actually make it into a restaurant. The symptoms you mention all seem to be anxiety. When mine gets worse all I feel I want to do is sleep I get so exhausted and tired. I hope you start to feel better again soon :hugs:

[becks xxx]

Maybe, i just feel like i've come so far and now i'm going back so quickly :-( how long did you go away for. i know the feeling, it's horrible when everyone sees a holiday to be so relaxing and we just find it the opposite. atleast you got there though! that's a positive. thank you x

[iovercamesocialph]

I think I know what you are going through. Although it is still hard to make out exactly what that is. I think that your anxious thoughts overpower you too quickly and you allow them to. i honestly think it's normal to feel thoughts like, "what if I make this mistake?" "what's gonna happen there?"

But the main answer to all of that is this, those are just thoughts. Try this exercise every time you feel or think of a scary thought:

Simply imagine your thoughts being on a cloud. Simply imagine that thought moving away slowly and being blown by the wind going to the far east (or west). You can also use theater screens where you simply wait for the next scene in your thoughts to play.

Hope that exercise helps you just a bit!

[Annie0904]

I was only away one week. Usually I get really anxious about going away but feel better by the second day. I think it was worse for me this this time because I have fractured my foot so I was worrying about that all week. I would love to be able to get excited about going on holiday like most people do!

[Kell]

I know what you mean about holidays. I wish that I could get excited about going away. It just seems ridiculous doesn't it to get so anxious when you should be at your most relaxed and happy.

Personally I think that it's almost like that little denomic part of ourselves that puts the thought in our heads "you'd better not feel bad on holiday & spoil it". As with most people with anxiety, I think that the smallest little thought in the subconscious & whoosh it all comes flooding back.

I was in a bad way last year when I went away. I was being sick on the plane on the way there (very embarrasing although I think that people put it down to travel sickness). It settled down and then flared up again towards the end. As with Becks, eating out seems to cause alot of issues. I think that it becomes a vicious circle because when my anxiety hits hard I feel and am sick which obviously doesn't mix well with being surrounded by food & food smells. I think that there is also that sense of being trapped, as in you have to sit there for a a certain period of time.

We have just booked a holiday for next September & I am already starting on the "what ifs".

To "normal" people it probably sounds so silly. It's always good to know that other people go through the same things.

Kel
x