Could really use your support please

[Zolofted]

Hi,

I had an appointment for a stress test today and got so worked up about it that I have decided not to attend and rescheduled.
I felt ok for the last couple of days but because yesterday I couldn't stop thinking that I will have to have the test today I got into full panic mode.
I was so scared this morning it would have been impossible for me to even get there.
I called to let them know I couldn't make it and rescheduled. While on the phone I have been told that I am also booked in for an ultrasound!!! (that scares the ** out of me) and the 24 hr Holter. And an appointment in the AF clinic. I said I have not been diagnosed with atrial fibrillation, he said he does not know why I am booked there?! And then he called back to say the appointment is in the AF clinic because that is where I will see the cardiologist after tests are done. When I hang up I was shaking all over and could not stop panicking.

I have this heart phobia which is eating me alive. And I am soo scared about the results that I lose control over myself and my thoughts.
Attending these teste would be like "exposure therapy" to me and I have not started any therapy at all, I only have myself at the moment and no support from anyone else.

No one really knows how afraid I am, I don't know what to do with myself.

I feel like crying all the time, have lost weight because I don't eat much. I am not hungry because I am too scared and the only thing I do at the moment is to worry and obsess about my heart. I am like a stuck record, I am so tired.
I feel like I live in a bubble, like there is a glass wall between me and the rest of the world.

I have no idea what I am going to do :weep:

[RosieXXX]

Hello Zolofted,

I can totally relate to the way you are feeling - tests and waiting for results are an absolute nightmare. The anxiety is fed by the anticipation, but i really do think you must try to make another appointment, i know your anxiety levels will increase, but all the while you have this hanging over your head, this particular anxiety will be gnawing away at you for months on end. Try to have a word with the clinic, and explain your anxiety, i am sure they will understand, and will be able to reassure you.

I know how isolating anxiety is, especially when trying to deal with all the worrying on your own. Remember there are plenty of people here who truly understand what you are going through, and will be able to help to support you through this difficult time.

[Zolofted]

Rosie,

Thank you for your kind words. I have rescheduled in 2 weeks time, so more time for panic to build up. I wish they could test me while I was sleeping (without me knowing).
My husband is supportive in my anxiety battle and i could never ask for more. It's just that he doesn't know how scared I am about the tests. I feel like I can not complain more as he will explode at some point i mean how much can he take anyway? I have not seen him much in the past few days as he has to work late for a project and feel quite lonely.

I also worry that because of the panic on the day my heart will go all wobbly and they will find something wrong. When I went to the ER last time they kept me in for 3-4 hours and kept taking ECGs because of the rapid heart rate (I could not control myself and i was like a little scared mouse).

That's all I'm good at: being scared and crying all the time.

[iovercamesocialph]

I totally understand what you are going through. Sometimes it is good to cry, but if you allow it to ruin you, then you will struggle. Here is what I recommend: check out my signature. There are many tips on that site. I really do hope that you are able to overcome your anxiety and worry. I really do wish you all the best. Remember, you have the entire forum here to support you!

[geishagirl]

really sending you big hugs as i am going through the same heart anxiety xxx

[RosieXXX]

Hello Zolofted,

I know it will be a difficult two weeks for you, but you have taken a big step forward by taking control - well done for making the appointment :hugs:

Before you know it your appointment will be here and gone and i am sure your mind will be put at ease.