My life is a ''gibbering wreck''

[BishopBritain]

I can’t cope with living in this mess anymore. I feel lost inside of myself; life seems worthless to me, empty and dark. I have suffered from Anxiety for twelve months and then I lived with depression forever due to not finding employment in my work area, am interested in doing something like Business and Administration but cannot find no solution which ****** me off and makes me want to tear out my unnaturally red hair. Not only that but suffering from depression makes me want to want to research some not nice things such as what's the best way to die which I admit is selfish but sometimes I deep think and want to do it sometimes but never consider of doing it, even when speaking to the NHS Direct service yesterday midnight I was shaking in my arms and legs, the advisor could even hear my voice trembling such as getting short of breath as if I was about to get emotional in a way, I've just came back inside now also after spending just five minutes painting the fence outside which my mum wanted me to do so therefore I had to do it at least but once I was outside, I couldn't and came back inside because of the environment I'm in at this present moment in time and I am sick of it. This might sound arrogant but I didn't want a life with a family. I just want to life by myself and take time to walk things and think things through on my own, alone. I apologise if this post is exaggerating it a little bit but I'm just trying to list everything here possible that's wrong with me. I would want to add more about what my symptoms are but I just cannot because I'm so overwhelmed and sick.

[BobbyDog]

I am really sorry that you are going through such a difficult time, I hope you get some respite here at NMP.

:welcome:

[BishopBritain]

I am really sorry that you are going through such a difficult time, I hope you get some respite here at NMP.

:welcome:

Thanks! I'm going through such a difficult time because with the Anxiety sometimes you cannot even breath which makes the problem even more worse for me. Thank you for the big welcome as well. :)

[neowallace]

Hi BishopBritain

Sorry to hear about your difficulties you sound like your head is all over the place. I suffer from the same thing and not in a great place myself. I hope you will get some help here on NMP. What I will say is when you are depressed everything will look crap and also anxiety is the other side of the coin. Try and get some support from your local health care team if that is possible. People keep telling me things will get better and I hope the same for you. Take care for now......:)

[BishopBritain]

Hi BishopBritain

Sorry to hear about your difficulties you sound like your head is all over the place. I suffer from the same thing and not in a great place myself. I hope you will get some help here on NMP. What I will say is when you are depressed everything will look crap and also anxiety is the other side of the coin. Try and get some support from your local health care team if that is possible. People keep telling me things will get better and I hope the same for you. Take care for now......:)

Absolutely, a very unpleasant situation and in reality obviously not the best feeling even when it's summer and everyone's so happy and there's me who is just down in the dumps with no idea on what to do. Thank you for your suggestion but when I contacted NHS Direct they advised me to get in touch with the local health care team if the situation worsens so I contacted them as soon as possible earlier this afternoon and have an appointment with them tomorrow afternoon. It appears the average person like an 19-year-old person such as myself is bizarre because I am usually intelligent, articularlet and smiley. Sorry to hear you're also feeling this way and I hope you take appropriate action as I am too. :)

[Zingything]

I'm really sorry to hear of your anxiety, I do understand and what you are feeling isn't unusual.
You're not alone on here and I do hope that you not only find some comfort and support on NMP like I have, but also from your health care team tomorrow. Tell them exactly how you feel and what you think about. I'm sure they will offer you help that will see you on the track to recovery. Don't give up, you've made the first step which I always found the most difficult.
I'll be thinking about you tomorrow, best of luck. :hugs:

[dottielottie]

Hope you get on ok, thinking about you xxxx

[neowallace]

Hi BishopBritain

Hope things have improved and you got some help with the care team. Thanks, I am in the process of some therapy which I hope might help. Keep us posted on how you are doing. I am the same although a bit older 38..lol....I love the sun and usual I am happy at this time of year but ah well just need to accept how things are and try and take it one day at a time. Take care for now......:)

[BishopBritain]

Hi NMP,

I am sorry for the late reply because I've been to see my local health care as advised by this forum, the Crisis Team is to arrive at my house shortly. The moral of the story is that I explained to my GP of what I am thinking about which was returning to college as I've been off for my summer break for so long and I don't want to return because it means I am going to meet all of my friends again and that's what is anxious for me, so I also explained like I said in the original post regarding NHS Direct with my legs and upper arm when I am speaking on the phone to other people who I've never even met before... otherwise known as strangers as my Doctor put it. She also asked if I am prescribed to any medication, so I said no. And this is the part where I broke down in tears because I told her about self-harming (not good, I know) and that's what I done because I cut my middle finger with a razor sharp blade purposely due to situations going on in the family - lost alot of blood as well. So that's why the people from the Crisis Team are coming later today to support me. :frown:

Basically, I just spoke to my GP entirely about what I said my first post and that's how she moved on from there to deal with the situation properly by asking me all sorts of questions.

[neowallace]

Hi BishopBritain

I am glad to hear you are getting help with your situation. It is hard to tell other people how you are really feeling so you should be proud of yourself for being able to do that. I am sure you will get the help you need now and be able to move on and start to feel better. I hope things work out well for you and take care of yourself. :)

Steven

[BishopBritain]

Hi BishopBritain

I am glad to hear you are getting help with your situation. It is hard to tell other people how you are really feeling so you should be proud of yourself for being able to do that. I am sure you will get the help you need now and be able to move on and start to feel better. I hope things work out well for you and take care of yourself. :)

Steven

Agreed. She even told me that I had done the right thing to get help, and that's where I'm one step closer to finding recovery but I admit it could be a while until the Crisis team takes a closer look at my symptoms and deal with me from there, I agree how hard it might feel as the other person is talking to you and they don't know what's going on inside of your head, but I told her the truth and that's exactly right. Thank you for the advice by the way not just from yourself, but everyone in the thread as I've took it all on board. Take care of yourself too.

[neowallace]

Hi BishopBritain

You sound more positive which is great and good luck with your recovery I think you will be fine.:yesyes:

All the best
Steven ...:)

[graham58]

Sorry to hear of your problems and how you're feeling Bishop Britain but you've come to the right place; there's plenty of help here and also sympathetic and understanding people to talk to. I hope you find some relief soon.

[Zingything]

I hope everything went ok with the crisis team visit and that you're feeling a tad more positive. You've done brilliantly xx