Reassurance please :(

[chloevictoria]

I wasn't sure where I should post this because I have OCD but it's very body focused and I concentrate on automatic processes such as swallowing and breathing, as well as worrying constantly about big illnesses.

I have posted several times about my weight and eating habits and so on (and I received reassurance from other members on these posts), but there are things I keep missing out.

I am 16 years old, 5 ft 4 ish and I've always been really skinny. I don't feel unhealthy or look it, it's just how I am. I'm not tired either, as I take a multivitamin as I am vegetarian.

I went on holiday to Spain two weeks ago and I was 7 stone 8, which is slightly under my target weight of 8 stone. I've been having trouble recently with my eating, as I fear that I will choke or that the function doesn't work properly. I have lost my appetite as a result of this. I went to the doctor's and she said everything was fine and there's nothing wrong physically at all.

When I got back I immediately weighed myself and it has dropped to 7 stone 4 which completely freaked me out. I'm not sure if it's the climate and the weird eating times and general anxiety that is causing it. Some days I also had hardly anything to eat as I was so scared. About half way through my holiday I had a dodgy coffee and it really messed up my stomach which made me feel sick for a few days, because of this I started to panic that I have diabetes or something and wasted money on the internet just to look up symptoms. This sent me into panic mode and I had a few really really bad panic attacks. The hot climate with my breathing obsession did not help either. I started randomly deep breathing and thought I was going to pass out. I was tense for a few days after this and could hardly eat anything.

Then comes the next part of my anxiety. I am worried that I have some undiagnosed illness (you can probably guess which one). I am absolutely terrified. I have been to the doctors several times about 'lymph nodes' I can feel in my neck, she said there was nothing there and that when you tip your head to the side it makes things bumpy and everyone has them anyway. She also said that because I am skinny I will be able to feel them more.
But I keep linking it with the weight loss and things, somehow I won't link the not eating properly with it and I keep convincing myself the weight loss is unintentional.

This happened last summer when I had a thing with swallowing. All of my eating things seem to come up in summer when I don't have school and counselling. When I went back to school last time everything got better but it did take me about 7 months to put on the 7 pounds I lost (can anxiety cause delays in weight gain?)

I am now anxiously sitting at home waiting for my GCSE results which I will get in 11 days (aaah)

Can anyone relate to me? and if so how did you overcome this eating problem?
Also are there any quick ways to gain weight?
Thanks

[SheilaH921]

My son is underweight and is skinny and he has lumps in his neck. When i fiest felt them i was scared and worried it was serious etc. But I was told the same as you, that because he is thin that you would notice them more. That was a few years ago and he still has them. Unless the lumps suddenly grow and get really big i wouldnt worry about them.
I think that stress and anxiety can def effect your weight and your stomach. I worry alot and because of this i have alot of ibs symptoms. I would get bad stomach cramps and trapped wind. You said about drinking coffee and it give you pains etc. Coffee or anything with caffine in it always triggers my ibs and i would get bad pains, running to the toilet etc.
I know its hard not to worry about it and think its something serious, but you are going through a stressful time atm as you are probably worried about your GCSE's etc. Try to not google your symptoms, i know it is really hard not too but the more you worry the worse you'll feel and the more symptoms you'll get.
Can you not get referred to counceling by your doctor so you can also have help during the summer? xxx

[chloevictoria]

Thank you very much for your reply and for taking the time to read my post :)

That is really reassuring to know that your son is similar to me, it's so helpful when you know you're not the only one!

My lumps have been there for a good year or so and haven't got any smaller or any bigger and i've been to the docs a lot and she keeps sending me out after 2 minutes saying there's nothing wrong!

And yes! I will never have that kind of coffee again, it really was awful and it set off a really bad stomach crap that lasted for about 2 days :(

That was indeed the plan, my counselor thought it'd be a good idea to go to CAMHs I think it's called for more sessions over summer. My GP didn't think it was a good idea but my counselor kept saying it was and now I realise that it was the best decision.. my counselor also said to tell her when to write a follow up letter to the GP but due to my exams I couldn't go back to school in time before we broke up for summer, so I never got to tell her!
Waiting for results is always really stressful for me for some reason, it's just the anticipation. I also got panic attacks when I was in the hall so they put me in a special room, but I will be gutted if some grades are lower than expected due to this!! xxx

[SheilaH921]

It would be normal to feel this way as you wait for your results. Hopefully you'll feel more relaxed after you get them. Try not to worry, everything will fall into place. Just please try and not google as it will def stress you even more :hugs:

[clank]

Hi chloe. Just like you I am 16 years old with a breathing and swallowing obsession. You are not alone. I've been really obsessed with my breathing since I was 13. I don't notice it when I keep myself busy, but if I don't, I can't get my mind off of it. Today I had a girl I liked come over and for the whole day I was fine, I didn't notice my health at all! I suggest you try to get your mind off of it. I know your pain. Hang in there!

[chloevictoria]

Thank you for your reply as well :)
It's really annoying isn't it! I had a few really bad panic attacks and it's like i'm back at square one again it just won't go away. i keep thinking there's stuff wrong with my lungs, heart, all sorts.
i'm sorry to hear that you've had it since you were 13, that is not nice :( and it's amazing what it feels like to actually not think about it. what is keeping me from falling apart at the moment is knowing that no-one else thinks about this kind of thing like at all, it just doesn't occur to them. and it's strange because my eating is ok now it's just the breathing is really bad. and when my eating is bad my breathing is fine. it's like my thoughts are stuck!!
Thank you for the reassurance it's really nice to know that there are others like me :) x

[clank]

Thank you for your reply as well :)
It's really annoying isn't it! I had a few really bad panic attacks and it's like i'm back at square one again it just won't go away. i keep thinking there's stuff wrong with my lungs, heart, all sorts.
i'm sorry to hear that you've had it since you were 13, that is not nice :( and it's amazing what it feels like to actually not think about it. what is keeping me from falling apart at the moment is knowing that no-one else thinks about this kind of thing like at all, it just doesn't occur to them. and it's strange because my eating is ok now it's just the breathing is really bad. and when my eating is bad my breathing is fine. it's like my thoughts are stuck!!
Thank you for the reassurance it's really nice to know that there are others like me :) x
Its an awful habit! Sometimes it gets really bad too. One time I was on an airplane coming home from Florida and it was really only a 2 hour flight which isn't even that bad, but I kept thinking to my self that we were going higher than normal and I couldn't breathe. I had constant panic attacks. I don't know why it started with this flight. I've flown before and it hasn't bothered me. One day we will both break this habit of this obsession with our breathing!:)

[Trish]

Chloe & Clank I hope you can both get over your health issues, you are both far too young to be suffering. I wish you both all the very best.

I hope you both stay in touch with each other and support each other and I'm sure together you will beat this:)

Chloe good luck with your results, I'm sure you will do really well:yesyes:

Trish x