Scared of phoning people

[vitaluna_]

Hi,
So I am so, so, scared to phone people that I don't know at all, or that I'm not close to. I just can't do it. I will avoid situations where I know I will have to call someone.
The problem is, I want to call my local doctors surgery to make an appointment actually regarding my anxiety, but I am just too scared to do it, and I can't get my dad to make an appointment for me because then he'll want to know what it's about.
Does anyone have any ideas on what I can do, or how I can get over my fear of phoning people? I don't know what it is I'm actually physically scared of, but I just can't do it!
Hope someone can help.

[Christoff]

I have similar problems. Among other things I find it really hard to phone people or answer my phone, even it it's a close friend or family member ringing me. I'm always getting grief from people for never answering my phone, I prefer just to send texts. It sounds so stupid but I can't explain why.
The only advice I can give is that when I do phone someone or answer my phone I always get through it and afterwards wonder what I was so afraid of, though if time goes by and I haven't used it for a while I'm back to square one again.

From personal experience I would just text your Dad at a time when the Doc's is closing soon and ask him to make one quickly for you because you're "busy" at work or something and you can't use the phone yourself. Tell gim it's womans problems or something lol.

But I think you'd be better sharing the problem with your Dad or Mum. I avoided telling mine about it for years because I was so embarrassed about my problems, but it helps a lot that they know now, especially mum. Dad can't relate to it so he's really awkward when he tries to talk about it but he's always there for me.

You definitely have to do something about it though because putting it off and avoiding situations you find hard will just make it sooo much worse in the long run. I'm living proof lol. Hope something in this helps you :)

[flossie]

Hi katherinerose. I understand how you feel as I have had problems using the telephone. For me it is all a part of feeling trapped once I start a conversation which is daft as I can put the phone down any time I want.
I can think of 3 suggestions for you, none of which I reckon you will particularly like.
1. Bite the bullet. Breath slowly and gently, do your best to remain as calm as you can. Pick up the phone and make the call. The staff are there to help you and it will be over before you know it. You will also have the satisfaction of having made a big step toward recovery.
2. Visit the surgery and make the appointment in person.
3. Talk to your dad about how you are feeling. Don't be embarrassed or ashamed, be open with him. Ask him if he will make the call for you.

good luck

[blue October]

I agree with Flossie.

How would you feel if you was making the call for a friend in a similar problem?

[RockShox]

Hello. Just thought I'd let you know that I finished working in a callcentre Mar 2011, and although the job wasn't the cause of my recent anxiety, sometimes I do find it hard to phone people (including docs); Same with answering. I start to really feel the adrenaline, yet I don't know why!

Just think that it will be a really short call:

-You ask for appointment
-Admin ask for name
-give you time slot

voila

[Dave238]

totally relate to the feeling, it took me a month to call a therapist after i got her number from my psychiatrist. Anxious about calling for an appointment about anxiety! still makes me laugh, its such a cliche, the depression and anxiety gets in the way of me getting help.

anyway, i didn't do this but now wish i had, and that was to have a friend there while making the call. Someone who is supportive and even if they don't understand, at least is non-judgemental but caring.

I get not telling parents, i told mine eventually, around jan this year but they don't get it, and despite trying to be understanding, they keep asking me to do things which will send me spiralling into a bad episode.

[Richard1960]

I sympathise very much with your predicament especially phoning doctors,where you very often get grilled by a receptionist before even being allowed to see a doctor.

I would only confide in people i think who would not judge and understand,i have a very good female friend at work who has had her own problems and is non judemental and understands,perhaps if you have a friend like that it would make sense to talk to them.

Telling my family relatives about my problems depression/panic attacks is out of the question,as they would not understand mental health issues at all,everybodies mental health needs are different due to the complexety of problems,and i only talk to people i really trust.

I wish you all the luck in the world overcoming your problem or findng a way to live with it

Via your GP.

Richard.

[Sparkle1984]

All my life I've hated speaking on the phone. For me, I think it's because I'm scared that I'll stutter while talking on the phone (this is an irrational fear because I don't stutter that much anyway, only when I'm really nervous). I try to avoid talking on the phone wherever possible, so I usually communicate by email, text or Facebook chat instead. I don't mind using the phone so much if it's a close relative or friend though, as I feel more relaxed when talking to them.

Of course, sometimes it's essential for me to speak on the phone and there isn't always a way of avoiding it (especially if it's someone calling me at work, or if I need to contact someone and only a phone number is provided and not an email address etc). In these cases, what I do is write out a quick script with bullet points covering what I want to say. So if it was a doctor's appointment I would write down why I was unwell, my main symptoms, that I'd like to book an appointment, what times I'd be available for an appointment etc. I find that this helps me to be more relaxed when making the call, as I know I'm well prepared.

I often chicken out of making a phonecall if there is someone else available to do it on my behalf, so my stepdad phoned up the doctor's surgery to make an appointment about my anxiety last Friday!

The thing is, when I do have to make a phonecall myself, it usually goes fine and at the end of it I feel really relieved and happy. It's only a few times in the past when I've had a bad experience when talking on the phone (eg stuttering badly, or someone asks me a difficult question I didn't expect and I get flustered), but the fear of those times holds me back. I don't enjoy speaking on the phone though, even if I do feel relieved afterwards, so that's why I prefer to avoid it if possible.

Another thing - it probably will help you feel a bit better if you do tell your parents about your anxiety. For years I was scared of doing this, but they were more understanding than I thought they would be. If your close family knows about it, they will be able to look out for you and support you through this.

[shotokansho]

I do a similar thing. Only it's when I have to phone people to deal with my debts. I think it stems from being bullied by companies telling me that I have to pay a certain amount and they can't accept any less. I end up agreeing to the larger amount, that I know full well I cannot afford. Then the avoiding the phone starts. Of course I don't make the high repayments and I get worse into debt. So I don't answer the phone, because I am so scared of who it might be and I won't call them either. I will only answer the phone if I know for sure who it is. If they call my land line I wait for the answer phone to kick in. I'm also always getting told off for not answering.
My other problem is actually talking to people in person, I just don't like it, when I have to talk to someone I feel depressed and just don't have any interest in talking to them at all. It's like it's a great effort for me, but the other person just thinks I'm being ignorant and rude.

[swgrl09]

Oh, I used to have sooo much trouble with this. I hate using the phone! But honestly, what helped me the most was when I got a job where I had to use the phone constantly and had no other choice. I just had to. But now I am actually quite good at it. You just have to practice and get used to it. It is hard at first but will get easier with time.

[Sparkle1984]

Oh, I used to have sooo much trouble with this. I hate using the phone! But honestly, what helped me the most was when I got a job where I had to use the phone constantly and had no other choice. I just had to. But now I am actually quite good at it. You just have to practice and get used to it. It is hard at first but will get easier with time.

Sadly, I had the opposite experience. With my first few jobs, I hardly ever had to speak on the phone, which suited me fine. Then I was moved into a department where I had to speak on the phone every day, and that's what made my fear even worse. I enjoyed the job apart from having to speak on the phone so often, and that spoilt it for me. I would be sitting at my desk and even when I was concentrating on my work, I would have a constant fear in the back of my mind that my phone would ring. Even when I got home in the evenings I found it hard to relax properly. Even after I had been in the job for several months, it didn't really get any easier. Eventually I left and I found a job which doesn't involve speaking on the phone (except in very rare cases) and I've been a lot happier in my job since then.

[flossie]

Have you managed to make an appointment yet katherinerose?

[electrical_stormgirl]

I can relate to this too, I'd much rather text or email someone if I can. I hardly ever answer calls even from close friends and family. I just have this panic. Think I'm scared of being put on the spot and agreeing to things I know are going to cause me anxiety :mad:

[madstitcher101]

I have always had this problem. I would prefer to text rather than phone people. Even now if I can get out of using the phone I will. If it's unavoidable and my hubbie won't make the call then I will get rather worked up about it. I have to write down word for word what I have to say to the person on the other end otherwise my words are all over the place and I don't make much sense. I can feel my heart beating very loudly during the dreaded call and the relief when I put the receiver down is unbelievable!

It was one of the reasons why I hated my last job because I had to answer the phone and deal with irate customers chasing money, and it got a bit too much for me and I would stay away from my desk avoiding the phone.

I didn't realise that there was so many other people who have this fear too.

[busybee09]

I have the same problem! Used to always get my mum to phone people for me, but honestly making appointments really isn't bad :)
You should try calling in sick for work i was literally trembling !!

You will get used to it, rate how bad the phone call actually was and im sure youl be pleasantly surprised. x

[karenp]

I have just got out of a very controlling marriage after I started having terrible anxiety and panic yet again back in March because of my husband. A stay at home Mum, I had totlaly lost all my confidence despite workign as a receptionist and in an office answering the telephone every second of every day for years but I got to the stage where I had my answering machine on all the time as I was too nervous to answer my phone at home or make calls to people I didn't know. Since I left my Husband and have had to ring up lots and lots of places to sort out things I have actually over come my fear of the phone now and don't even get nervous about answering it. No one could phone on my behalf and I had no choice but to ring those numbers and that is one good thing that has come out of all of this (:

[ChrisScotland]

I have a pretty bad fear of phones at times too.I think it is due to the fact that you know the focus is on your voice when you're on the phone, so you start to over-think it, and know that your breathing will go and the person on the other end of the phone will obviously pick that up in you.

I tend to find phoning for things as soon as you wake up helps.It gives you no time to think about it.