Jonz
13-08-12, 02:25
Hi everyone - my name's Jon......
I have suffered from anxiety on and off for the past few years, have been okay for a while, but the last few weeks have been a living hell. My anxiety levels are very high almost 24/7, I want to cry, I can't eat and when I'm in the house I want to go out and when I'm out I just want to get back. It is draining every bit of enjoyment from my life and I find it hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I was physically sick this morning at the thought of trying to cope with another day.
My symptoms are a constant tightness in the chest, butterflies in the stomach, nausea and a total loss of appetite. I hide all this from my partner and try to appear normal, but it is becoming so hard. I am beginning to have bizarre thoughts which are hard to put into words - "what if this is how you are meant to feel and how you used to feel is just an illusion" - which is making tactics like diverting myself or 'accepting' my anxiety difficult because I have convinced myself that anxiety is reality. If that screwed up logic makes any sense at all.
My doctor tries to help, but is busy and chronic anxiety is difficult for them to deal with. I take citalopram (which I'm not sure does anything), have beta blockers which have no impact on the actual feelings and Diazepam 5mg which I generally avoid taking. Today though, I broke down and took 50mg (a MASSIVE dose for me) over the course of the day and the frightening thing was that it made only limited difference on my anxiety levels so I'm even beginning to lose faith in that and feel I have few tools in my armoury.
I do have a therapist who I see again on Friday, but Friday feels a long way away at the moment...
Sorry, I just wanted to share what I'm going through. My love and best wishes to everyone else who is suffering -
Jon
I have suffered from anxiety on and off for the past few years, have been okay for a while, but the last few weeks have been a living hell. My anxiety levels are very high almost 24/7, I want to cry, I can't eat and when I'm in the house I want to go out and when I'm out I just want to get back. It is draining every bit of enjoyment from my life and I find it hard to see a light at the end of the tunnel. I was physically sick this morning at the thought of trying to cope with another day.
My symptoms are a constant tightness in the chest, butterflies in the stomach, nausea and a total loss of appetite. I hide all this from my partner and try to appear normal, but it is becoming so hard. I am beginning to have bizarre thoughts which are hard to put into words - "what if this is how you are meant to feel and how you used to feel is just an illusion" - which is making tactics like diverting myself or 'accepting' my anxiety difficult because I have convinced myself that anxiety is reality. If that screwed up logic makes any sense at all.
My doctor tries to help, but is busy and chronic anxiety is difficult for them to deal with. I take citalopram (which I'm not sure does anything), have beta blockers which have no impact on the actual feelings and Diazepam 5mg which I generally avoid taking. Today though, I broke down and took 50mg (a MASSIVE dose for me) over the course of the day and the frightening thing was that it made only limited difference on my anxiety levels so I'm even beginning to lose faith in that and feel I have few tools in my armoury.
I do have a therapist who I see again on Friday, but Friday feels a long way away at the moment...
Sorry, I just wanted to share what I'm going through. My love and best wishes to everyone else who is suffering -
Jon