So depressed with this stupid ROCD.

[hempchick]

Hello everybody, I have been feeling very depressed for a long time now. It got better for a while, and so did my OCD, but then I spiked again and now I am just depressed. I don't want to do anything except eat and sleep, come on this forum and watch depressing YouTube videos. I know I should be outside, but it's been in the high 90's for a couple weeks now so I'm pretty confined.
I'm unemployed this summer. All of my friends and my boyfriend work. I see him on the weekends. I'm currently dealing with ROCD and the depression that comes with it. It used to be that I would get sad or down about it and then I'd see him and feel so loved and I'd be a little better.
Now it just feels like he has no effect on me. Which is why I've thought about breaking up with him so he could be with a girl who enjoys her life more. I don't want to put him through this with me. He's been great but I feel so terrible. I feel guilty. And I feel guilty if I tell him about my ROCD thoughts. It's this constant nagging feeling in my gut, I never feel satisfied, I'm always irritated and restless. I just want some relief and I have no idea what to do.

[AdieNayNay]

You know, I feel the same way Hempchick.
My husband is military and we just moved to a new place. I don't have a job yet. I've been struggling with this ROCD since October, though I didn't know what it was until April.
Of course being in the house like this makes me depressed and then when I'm depressed I feel the need to punish myself, so I pick fights with him, I tell myself nasty thoughts, I essentially go looking for hurtful things. I constantly question whether I love him, want to be with him, made a mistake in marrying him, how terrible it would be to stay in a marriage with no love, how the only reason I don't want to leave him is because I can't handle it on my own.....The list goes on and on.
I hope we both can feel better, and we're not alone.

[tiredOfOcd]

I don't have ROCD but I understand the depression that comes with the awareness that you are falling into a downward spiral.

What helps me is to treat it as an alarm - kind of forewarned is forearmed. For me, the worst is when my OCD flares up out of nowhere. When I feel it coming on I can at least prepare myself for what's coming. Kind of the difference between knowing that the roller coaster is going to drop vs being blindfolded and not knowing when its coming.

Then, if I'm lucky I can use the coping strategies I've learned to take the edge off.

[blip]

Check out my new ROCD blog here. relationshipocd.wordpress.com