livingwithmyself
15-08-12, 20:54
hi all. i am new here.
i am just going to dive right in + tell you why i am here. i have always had anxiety + panic but it did get better after i had my children. only better though not fully ok. sometimes i wish i could get a brain transplant as even when i think i am "well" i am still always worrying. every night i got to bed + i worry myself silly. every day i am paranoid with my friends, thinking they hate me or i have annoyed them in some way. i worry that i am not good enough or have said the wrong thing. i am continuing my teacher training in sept + i am scared of public speaking so think i will just fail (even though at times i think i am ok at all the other aspects of teaching). today, i have had a particularly bad day + i think its cos of everything looming with the teaching. what if i fail, what if everyone hates me. should i even do it? or am i kidding myself? i know that 90 per cent of my anxiety is from low self esteem combined with being too bothered what people think. i wondered if i should go to the docs for medication or cbt but really dont want to go down the meds route as i feel it will just cover up the problem for a time but after i stop ill still be anxious. i have had cbt + am still the same. i wish i could just stop caring what people thinking + stop worrying but i have done it most of my life and its just me. im tired of it now though. i have struggled through for such a long time + i just want to find peace. don't think i ever will though + even if i dont continue with the teaching ill still have to do something else scary. i have such bad work anxiety.
sorry for the essay! thanks for reading.
i am just going to dive right in + tell you why i am here. i have always had anxiety + panic but it did get better after i had my children. only better though not fully ok. sometimes i wish i could get a brain transplant as even when i think i am "well" i am still always worrying. every night i got to bed + i worry myself silly. every day i am paranoid with my friends, thinking they hate me or i have annoyed them in some way. i worry that i am not good enough or have said the wrong thing. i am continuing my teacher training in sept + i am scared of public speaking so think i will just fail (even though at times i think i am ok at all the other aspects of teaching). today, i have had a particularly bad day + i think its cos of everything looming with the teaching. what if i fail, what if everyone hates me. should i even do it? or am i kidding myself? i know that 90 per cent of my anxiety is from low self esteem combined with being too bothered what people think. i wondered if i should go to the docs for medication or cbt but really dont want to go down the meds route as i feel it will just cover up the problem for a time but after i stop ill still be anxious. i have had cbt + am still the same. i wish i could just stop caring what people thinking + stop worrying but i have done it most of my life and its just me. im tired of it now though. i have struggled through for such a long time + i just want to find peace. don't think i ever will though + even if i dont continue with the teaching ill still have to do something else scary. i have such bad work anxiety.
sorry for the essay! thanks for reading.