miraiiro
17-08-12, 18:51
Hello there! I've been checking back with this forum on and off over the past few weeks for information and thought it was about time I finally registered and started posting. In short, I've been suffering from depression for a couple of years but only stopped being in denial about four months ago when I went to see my GP about it. I've had a bit of a rough time since then after trying first Amitriptyline (it made my mood even lower and caused me to sleep 12-15 hours a day, so not very fun) and then Sertraline (which was ten times worse, made me suicidal and gave me anxiety, something I'd never suffered from before). Things got bad enough for me to take an overdose in an attempt to escape from it all, which brought me to the attention of the Community Mental Health Team. I'm about to be discharged from them soon and this, like just about everything else these days, makes me worry myself sick. My experience with them (and with mental health care on the NHS in general) has not been great. Thank god organisations like the Samaritans exist, otherwise I might not be here today if it hadn't been for them. It's hard because I live alone and, after being on the Sertraline, makes the loneliness and isolation difficult to cope with sometimes, which I never really had a problem with before. After having such a bad experience with medication, I was reluctant to try it again and did my best to get by without it, but my mood has failed to improve and my anxiety only keeps getting worse so I have until next Tuesday to decide whether or not to try Vanlaxafine, my psychiatrist's latest suggestion. I'm absolutely terrified in case it makes me worse, but I'm starting to think I should go through with it because, despite recently starting to attend social sessions and an arts recovery programme, things just won't seem to get better on their own.
I was a carer for my grandfather until he passed away just over a year ago, which still gets me down quite regularly as we were extremely close, then I went back to college as a mature student and was supposed to start a university degree this September, something I've been wanting to do for years, but it looks as though I'll have to defer entry because I doubt I'd be able to cope with the pressure of deadlines, exams and such as I am at the moment. It's a disappointment, and I'm also concerned with how I'm going to support myself over the next few months. I've applied for ESA but have yet to have an assessment, something I'm fairly sure I'll fail because the government doesn't seem to want to let people on sickness benefits. I get very stressed out whenever I think about it, even though I've been told not to worry too much (easier said than done, ha ha), but I just can't help it. I only wish I had more support, but I suppose there's only so much the mental health team can do. They're only available 9 till 5, Monday to Friday, which kind of sucks because weekends are the worst for me. I almost can't believe there used to be a time when I looked forward to them. Now I dread them, especially Sundays. They're so quiet and empty when you have difficulty spending too much time alone.
TL;DR: I'm depressed, anxious and lonely, and I'm also a little bit nervous about posting here, but everyone seems lovely and helpful so I hope you don't mind having to wade through that big wall of text. I actually find it difficult to talk to people in real life, or at least with keeping a conversation going, but on the internet I'm all blahblahblah.
Apologies for rambling on so much and it's a pleasure to meet all of you! I hope you treat me kindly.
I was a carer for my grandfather until he passed away just over a year ago, which still gets me down quite regularly as we were extremely close, then I went back to college as a mature student and was supposed to start a university degree this September, something I've been wanting to do for years, but it looks as though I'll have to defer entry because I doubt I'd be able to cope with the pressure of deadlines, exams and such as I am at the moment. It's a disappointment, and I'm also concerned with how I'm going to support myself over the next few months. I've applied for ESA but have yet to have an assessment, something I'm fairly sure I'll fail because the government doesn't seem to want to let people on sickness benefits. I get very stressed out whenever I think about it, even though I've been told not to worry too much (easier said than done, ha ha), but I just can't help it. I only wish I had more support, but I suppose there's only so much the mental health team can do. They're only available 9 till 5, Monday to Friday, which kind of sucks because weekends are the worst for me. I almost can't believe there used to be a time when I looked forward to them. Now I dread them, especially Sundays. They're so quiet and empty when you have difficulty spending too much time alone.
TL;DR: I'm depressed, anxious and lonely, and I'm also a little bit nervous about posting here, but everyone seems lovely and helpful so I hope you don't mind having to wade through that big wall of text. I actually find it difficult to talk to people in real life, or at least with keeping a conversation going, but on the internet I'm all blahblahblah.
Apologies for rambling on so much and it's a pleasure to meet all of you! I hope you treat me kindly.