Newby Introduction

[dez]

Hye,

This is my first post, but I've enjoyed reading a few posts by other like minded people and it's encouraging to see I'm not alone in feeling the way I do.
2 years ago I went through, what I can only describe as a breakdown and didn't go to work for about 5 months. It was the worst time of my life. I got over it witht he help of diazapam and, I think Citralopam. The reason I say think is because I'm not sure it worked for me at the time, but I was feeling sooooooo bad it may have had an effect and I just focused on the initial bad phase. I totall y went back to normal afterwards but have recently had a few truamatic events and went straight back to feeling the way I did before.
THis time I've stayed at work though, as I knew that made me worse being off and worrying about how I would ever get back.
It's been about 3 months since it started again. First of all I couldn't sleep and only got a few hours on a week. Then came the old feeling of not being part of the normal world again and complete anxiety.
I've been taking diazapam for about 3 months (2mg 3 times a day) - they did work at first but I've tried to stop them and smoking (which I started again due to the anxiety) and I went straight back to square one. I've now just started (day 5) on escitlopram and am feeling the worst I've felt yet. I'm scared to even go to the shops in case it freaks me out.
The thing that gets to me most is I can't do the stuff I used to do with my 5 year old daughter and it kills me. I just want back to were I was 4 months ago. Fit, happy, training for a marathon, non-smoking, lovig father with no worries.

[kittikat]

Sorry to hear about your breakdown, great you recovered, and now you find yourself back in the nightmare of anxiety. It would seem to be the nature of the beast unfortunately. But you done it before and you can do it again.

When it hits, it does knock the wind out of your sails and it seems like you will be stuck in the downward spiral forever. You are, however, seeking help and on meds so I think you are doing all the right things. Try not to be so hard on yourself. As you probably know, the meds take time to kick in and generally you may feel worse before you feel better. So it's early days. Hats off to you for staying at work through this...that can't be easy either. You will get back to where you were, just allow yourself to feel this way for now and if you need some 'timeout' to heal or clear your mind, then please take it. Maybe have a chat with your doctor.

Have you tried CBT? Along with my diazepam it has helped me so much, might be worth looking into. Good luck & take care.

Kitti :)

---------- Post added at 14:13 ---------- Previous post was at 14:12 ----------

Oh, and welcome to the site too!!! :welcome:

[dez]

Thanks for those kind words Kitti. I really hope I can get back to normal, but you know the nature of the beasts and the games it plays on your brain. Feels like I'm on a downward spiral at the moment. I just keep trying to do the regular things I used to in the hope that I feel OK with them, but I'm really not and that gets me even more depressed.
What's CBT? I'm willing to try anything at the moment.

[kittikat]

It's cognitive behaviour therapy...it can be very sucessful if you are willing and open to it. You should be able to get a referral from your GP. I had a breakdown last November so I do understand where you are coming from. I am making some progress but it is a long hard slog. Don't despair, you will get there. Kitti :)