Fear of heights or... a fear of living?

[jonngait]

Hello everybody! My name is John and I'm 21 years old. I've been diagnosed with Anxiety Disorder for more than 6 years and lately I have done a great progress. All by myself, that is (and taking some tips from this wonderful website and its users!) as in my country -Greece that is- it's impossible to have some decent psychiatric medical attention for free.. and I can't afford 50 euros/per hour to visit a doctor on my own. Now, here comes the tough part.

Even though I have managed to beat many of my fears, there is one certain phobia that I simply can not get rid of. I'll let you all in with a quick story... I have always been afraid of heights... not too much, I guess just as much as the next guy.. for example, I remember myself struggling to go at the 10th floor of a building, but I managed to did it anyhow.. Well, one day, I was at my university, and I took the elevator to the 6th floor. When I got there, I had the clever idea to look down from a window and.... Voila, there I was, running down all those floors, without a single breath!

Since then, I haven't been able to go back to that 6th floor (or any floor higher than 4th in any other building, that is)... but what most troubles me is *that* certain floor.. you see, in less than 2 weeks I'm having an oral examination which takes place at that bloody floor!!! I cringe even at the mere thought of myself going up there... It's like, when I'm up there, I feel like the building is gonna take off and get lost into space, and I can do nothing because the exit is so far far below.... It's stupid, I know, but no matter how redundant the cause is, I simply can not bare to go up there again.

I have been trying to find a logical cause, and I guess I have done some progress on that... I have come to the conclusion that I'm having this irrational fear just to sabotage my own happiness -subconsiously... by ruining my chances to get my diploma, I'm doomed into misery, and that's a good turn-out for that self-hating part of myself. Anyway, I'm gonna work on that part on myself.... but I do need help on something else..

And that is the reason I'm writing these lines!! Has anyone of you experienced something like I have? How did you cope with it? What did you do to get over it? Your thoughts and experiences are truely valuable to me, as my test is in less than 2 weeks and I'm desperate...! I just can't bare the thought of losing that test, and failing -yet again- to be a bigger man than my own fears.... please help me!!!!!

[whybother]

"one thing you have to remember, our mind is a powerful thing... if we think over and over again that we're going to drown, or faint, etc, then our mind will take over and actually believe that we're having these symptoms... hence, responsing as if we did have it in reality... it's up to you though, to realise that your mind is a part of you, it's a powerful organ that you can learn how to use in your favour. we all had panic attacks like yours, and the only way to combat it is to fight its cause (your phobia) and not its symptoms (the attacks)... hope I was helpful!!! :smile:" ---- You give such good advice to others, You should apply it to yourself.. Do you have anyone that can go with you to your exam? That can help to take your mid off it..? I used to have a fear of escalators and often have dream i'm in really tall shopping malls and lifts..it's very scary but just remember there is no way that you can fall.. You wont fail. You are in contol.

[PanchoGoz]

Why did you go up to the 6th floor in the first place? What was your mindset - were you testing yourself to see if you would be scared? Were you doing it just for fun? (Trust me there's a lot in it)
I have trouble with heights as well, indoor or out, I feel squeezed when I get that high.

[jonngait]

@whybother Sometimes it's easier to talk about others than to talk about your own self...! Actually, I took some time last night to search around the site for more info about what I'm going through... and for once more, in my life, nomorepanic has helped me a lot! I discovered that I don't really have a fear of heights.. actually, I have astrophobia, that's the fear of stars..! I always knew I was afraid of looking at photos of stars or galaxies and I've had panic attacks over it, but never knew it was an actual phobia.. but now I know, everything just klicks together!!! And now, I feel like I've made a huge step forward, because I know exactly what's wrong with me and I can find the best way to fix it! No wonder I always got it when I was on a high floor, and always looked at the exit, because subconsiously I was scared of stars and stuff... that's where the "building is going to take off and into space" part should have got more attention by my side!! I feel relieved now I know what's wrong, and even if it's one heck of a weird situation, at least it is a legitimate phobia, and now I'm gonna beat the heck out of it!!!

Today, I went to the 5th floor of a building and didn't get crazy at all! of course getting at the 6th floor of the uni building will be much harder (as it's always hard to go back to places where you had big panic attacks) but now I feel much more confident that I can do it!!!

@Panchogoz well, when I went up there I didn't know I would react like that, I had no idea I was heading in for a melt-down.. I knew it wasn't the easiest thing, and that I would feel uncomfortable, but thought "hey, I have to go, and it will only be for 10 minutes, I'll take it".. but then mister Stupid had the idea to look down the window... -.- so I did have a reason to go up there after all.... Let me ask you, from what floor and higher do you feel uncomfortable? for me, it must be 4th and higher...

[PanchoGoz]

I think 4th and higher as well. Anything above normal house height. The reason I asked is because the reason you went up there in the first place could be the deciding factor in how you reacted. If you had gone up there solely because you wanted to see if you felt scared, you would have been put on high alert for any signs of fear, then of course the fear excalates and causes a panic. If you went up there normally and regularly and then one day suddenly paniced out of the blue it would take more thinking out.
But who cares. The important thing now is to put it behind you, face your fears and move on :)

[jonngait]

I think you're pretty spot-on!!! I completely agree with how you get alerted over any sign of fear, if that is exactly what you're waiting for! As for my case, it was the third time I was on that floor in three years of my studies.. the other two times, I had stayed for just 10 minutes and, while I wasn't comfortable, I managed to keep my self together! but looking down from that window, realising how far up I am (and, subsequently, how long it would take me to get to the exit) just made me lose it alltogether!!!

that's right, it's time for me to show courage and tackle my fears down!!! thank you for your support, PanchoGoz! :)

[rockydog]

Hi i really know nothing about this fear other than i would never look out of a high window or over a ledge as it makes me feel dizzy but i wouldnt be able to tell you what height that was, probably anything taller than a house.
Is it a fear of the sixth floor because that is the highest floor, or are there higher floors in the building ? Would it help to go higher in the elevator and then come back down to six, would that make it feel lower or does that make no sense lol x

---------- Post added at 22:28 ---------- Previous post was at 22:25 ----------

It seems more to do with being able to get out than the height doesnt it, l feel like that if in the middle of a crowd like at a festival i spend my time planning a route through the people or only go so far in :)

[jonngait]

hello, rockydog!! actually, the highest floor is 7th, but I think it would only make things worse if I went there first... but it does make sense, I guess some people would feel comfortable doing that, it's a way to trick your mind that you actuall are lower than you really are!!!

oh, I know what you mean, I get that too sometimes, even though I don't have agoraphobia!! I guess many phobias have common characteristics, and sometimes even overlapse!!!