lg123
20-08-12, 12:44
Just wanted to introduce myself here and share my story. I think I've had bouts of anxiety throughout the years but not recognised it for what it was. It also started when I got glandular fever while at uni. I started obsessing about my breathing and had a couple of panic attacks. This lasted all summer but I was able to snap out of it by continuing with normal life.
The breathing obsessions reocurred several times and occasionally I would get periods of anxiety but they always went away. Then about two years ago while going though a stressful time I started suffering from IBS. This stressed me out even more and made me really anxious. I was able to deal with this with medication and a better perspective on this. I had a good couple of years where I was just worrying about what I now see as trivial things - did I have enough friends, was I attractive enough, was I achieving my full potential at work and in my personal life, why wasn't my life more exciting.
Then about six months ago the IBS returned with a vengenace. I started getting bad stomach pains at random times of the day and anxiety along with these pains. I got relief after visiting the toilet but this marked the start of a downward spiral.
I started getting anxious any time I had to eat in public or with other people. The IBS symptoms were different and new and I worried about going places and doing things because of it. I started getting panicky about where the toilets were and worried if there weren't any toilets nearby. I went to a job interview and while waiting got myself into such a state that I couldn't concentrate in the interview and messed it up. This then led to further unhappiness. The IBS-anxiety ruined my holiday to Barcelona, a weekend at home with my family and many other social occasions.
This then developed into a breathing obsession after I went for a run and panicked about being out of breath, which marked the beginning of the persistent anxiety I've been feeling since. I had sinus problems and used to panic every morning about not being able to breath. I had panic attacks and awful feelings of fear and anxiety. I started counselling, which made the anxiety stronger as I let out too many emotions at once and all the counsellor wanted to talk about was my past and childhood problems. I tried to soldier on but started taking days off as I couldn't cope with going into work.
I then decided to take time off work to go home and stay with my family and recuperate. Things were ok initially then they got worse and my breathing obsession intensified. I was so scared I would just stop breathing. I was on my own for five days while my family were away and I started ADs, which had some scary side effects. But they started to make me feel better and, although I got anxious in the mornings, I was generally more even and relaxed. I didn't like being on my own with my thoughts though.
I wish that was the end of the story. There were some horrible family arguments that shook me up and I started to feel anxious again. I'd also started to get intrusive thoughts, which were depressing me but I was dealing with not too badly. Then I left my family home and returned to where I was living. The journet back was awful. I couldn't stop crying at the ariport and felt so sad and scared. Then I started to get so anxious and the intrusive thoughts got very strong. For the first time they focused on myself - like what if I threw myself under this train even though I want to live and be happy so badly. I was in such a state and stayed with my friend for the night and started to feel better. Then yesterday the intrusive thoughts got so bad again, I got so anxious just shopping in Tesco and got so scared I might do sometimg. So I decided after leaving my friend to just stay in my room away from my housemates and everyone and that's where I've been since. I've had a couple of days off my citalopram as I ran out and am only seeing the doctor this evening. The anxiety has been so strong and scary. I thought I was getting better but it feels worse than ever. I want the old symptoms to come back and the intrusive thoughts to go. I was listening to Fearne Cotton on the radio talking about coming back from holiday, her brother staying over because he had drunk too much and having Sunday lunch with her parents - all normaly things. But I got so jealous because I feel like I will never feel happy and be able to do normal things like that ever again. Everything I took for granted being able to do before now scares me and I hate the thoughts.
Sorry for the long post, I just wanted to share!
The breathing obsessions reocurred several times and occasionally I would get periods of anxiety but they always went away. Then about two years ago while going though a stressful time I started suffering from IBS. This stressed me out even more and made me really anxious. I was able to deal with this with medication and a better perspective on this. I had a good couple of years where I was just worrying about what I now see as trivial things - did I have enough friends, was I attractive enough, was I achieving my full potential at work and in my personal life, why wasn't my life more exciting.
Then about six months ago the IBS returned with a vengenace. I started getting bad stomach pains at random times of the day and anxiety along with these pains. I got relief after visiting the toilet but this marked the start of a downward spiral.
I started getting anxious any time I had to eat in public or with other people. The IBS symptoms were different and new and I worried about going places and doing things because of it. I started getting panicky about where the toilets were and worried if there weren't any toilets nearby. I went to a job interview and while waiting got myself into such a state that I couldn't concentrate in the interview and messed it up. This then led to further unhappiness. The IBS-anxiety ruined my holiday to Barcelona, a weekend at home with my family and many other social occasions.
This then developed into a breathing obsession after I went for a run and panicked about being out of breath, which marked the beginning of the persistent anxiety I've been feeling since. I had sinus problems and used to panic every morning about not being able to breath. I had panic attacks and awful feelings of fear and anxiety. I started counselling, which made the anxiety stronger as I let out too many emotions at once and all the counsellor wanted to talk about was my past and childhood problems. I tried to soldier on but started taking days off as I couldn't cope with going into work.
I then decided to take time off work to go home and stay with my family and recuperate. Things were ok initially then they got worse and my breathing obsession intensified. I was so scared I would just stop breathing. I was on my own for five days while my family were away and I started ADs, which had some scary side effects. But they started to make me feel better and, although I got anxious in the mornings, I was generally more even and relaxed. I didn't like being on my own with my thoughts though.
I wish that was the end of the story. There were some horrible family arguments that shook me up and I started to feel anxious again. I'd also started to get intrusive thoughts, which were depressing me but I was dealing with not too badly. Then I left my family home and returned to where I was living. The journet back was awful. I couldn't stop crying at the ariport and felt so sad and scared. Then I started to get so anxious and the intrusive thoughts got very strong. For the first time they focused on myself - like what if I threw myself under this train even though I want to live and be happy so badly. I was in such a state and stayed with my friend for the night and started to feel better. Then yesterday the intrusive thoughts got so bad again, I got so anxious just shopping in Tesco and got so scared I might do sometimg. So I decided after leaving my friend to just stay in my room away from my housemates and everyone and that's where I've been since. I've had a couple of days off my citalopram as I ran out and am only seeing the doctor this evening. The anxiety has been so strong and scary. I thought I was getting better but it feels worse than ever. I want the old symptoms to come back and the intrusive thoughts to go. I was listening to Fearne Cotton on the radio talking about coming back from holiday, her brother staying over because he had drunk too much and having Sunday lunch with her parents - all normaly things. But I got so jealous because I feel like I will never feel happy and be able to do normal things like that ever again. Everything I took for granted being able to do before now scares me and I hate the thoughts.
Sorry for the long post, I just wanted to share!