W.I.F.T.S.
25-07-06, 11:42
Even before I became ill I was a very tense person, very serious, not great socially, prone to depression.
I thought I had a lot of 'problems', which actually have turned out to be self-limiting beliefs and faulty thinking.
I am a lot more aware of myself now than I ever have been before and I feel that i can pinpoint a lot of the faults in my thinking. I'm still not totally sure how to turn those beliefs round into more positive attitudes and I know that it will take a lot of hard work and perseverance, but I suppose, as alcoholics would say, the first step is to recognise that you have a problem.
I am quite a competitive person and I certainly have a jealous streak and I think that that has caused a lot of my depression, because I'm always judging myself against people who don't have an anxiety disorder or depression and asking myself why I can't compete?
One of my football friends is going to america shortly and that stirs up a lot of things for me, because going to america is probably one of my ultimate phobias because I'd have to get on a plane and cross the atlantic and then I'd be on the other side of the world. I would love to go there and I know that people even go over for weekends to New York, so it isn't such a big thing. But, I just wouldn't be able to do it. I feel like I'd freak out on the plane about being stuck there for 9 hours and crossing 3000 miles of water and then I'd have to do the same thing to get back home. It depresses me that other people can do it and have a great time and I feel that I can't do it. The fact is that i find it hard to leave my small town at the moment.
I was at work yesterday and I was thinking to myself that I know I can surprise myself with how brave I can actually be. When I had to choose which high school I wanted to go to I went to one where I didn't know anyone, because I knew that I'd get a far better education there. When I chose my university I went 200 miles away because I wanted to be independent. I've been abseiling and had no problem doing that at all. I know that it's all psychological and that I can do anything that I want to do. I don't want to be scared and I don't want things to beat me.
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.
I thought I had a lot of 'problems', which actually have turned out to be self-limiting beliefs and faulty thinking.
I am a lot more aware of myself now than I ever have been before and I feel that i can pinpoint a lot of the faults in my thinking. I'm still not totally sure how to turn those beliefs round into more positive attitudes and I know that it will take a lot of hard work and perseverance, but I suppose, as alcoholics would say, the first step is to recognise that you have a problem.
I am quite a competitive person and I certainly have a jealous streak and I think that that has caused a lot of my depression, because I'm always judging myself against people who don't have an anxiety disorder or depression and asking myself why I can't compete?
One of my football friends is going to america shortly and that stirs up a lot of things for me, because going to america is probably one of my ultimate phobias because I'd have to get on a plane and cross the atlantic and then I'd be on the other side of the world. I would love to go there and I know that people even go over for weekends to New York, so it isn't such a big thing. But, I just wouldn't be able to do it. I feel like I'd freak out on the plane about being stuck there for 9 hours and crossing 3000 miles of water and then I'd have to do the same thing to get back home. It depresses me that other people can do it and have a great time and I feel that I can't do it. The fact is that i find it hard to leave my small town at the moment.
I was at work yesterday and I was thinking to myself that I know I can surprise myself with how brave I can actually be. When I had to choose which high school I wanted to go to I went to one where I didn't know anyone, because I knew that I'd get a far better education there. When I chose my university I went 200 miles away because I wanted to be independent. I've been abseiling and had no problem doing that at all. I know that it's all psychological and that I can do anything that I want to do. I don't want to be scared and I don't want things to beat me.
Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.