Why am I so anxious?

[W.I.F.T.S.]

Even before I became ill I was a very tense person, very serious, not great socially, prone to depression.

I thought I had a lot of 'problems', which actually have turned out to be self-limiting beliefs and faulty thinking.

I am a lot more aware of myself now than I ever have been before and I feel that i can pinpoint a lot of the faults in my thinking. I'm still not totally sure how to turn those beliefs round into more positive attitudes and I know that it will take a lot of hard work and perseverance, but I suppose, as alcoholics would say, the first step is to recognise that you have a problem.

I am quite a competitive person and I certainly have a jealous streak and I think that that has caused a lot of my depression, because I'm always judging myself against people who don't have an anxiety disorder or depression and asking myself why I can't compete?

One of my football friends is going to america shortly and that stirs up a lot of things for me, because going to america is probably one of my ultimate phobias because I'd have to get on a plane and cross the atlantic and then I'd be on the other side of the world. I would love to go there and I know that people even go over for weekends to New York, so it isn't such a big thing. But, I just wouldn't be able to do it. I feel like I'd freak out on the plane about being stuck there for 9 hours and crossing 3000 miles of water and then I'd have to do the same thing to get back home. It depresses me that other people can do it and have a great time and I feel that I can't do it. The fact is that i find it hard to leave my small town at the moment.

I was at work yesterday and I was thinking to myself that I know I can surprise myself with how brave I can actually be. When I had to choose which high school I wanted to go to I went to one where I didn't know anyone, because I knew that I'd get a far better education there. When I chose my university I went 200 miles away because I wanted to be independent. I've been abseiling and had no problem doing that at all. I know that it's all psychological and that I can do anything that I want to do. I don't want to be scared and I don't want things to beat me.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.

[Children_of_God]

hey, i was like you. i'm quite jelous and competative and some what possesive. i had anxiety for 4 and a half years before i got anxiety, and i self-harmed. i'm a worrier by nature and things get to me easily. you're obviously strong to have gotten this far, don't give up on yourself, you'll get there hun!!! time is a healer. if you need me i'm here. Michelle xXx.

"Everything's good in the end, if it's not good, it's not the end!!!"

[eeyorelover]

Hi hun -
Don't get down on yourself about it - that is a long way to travel and it can be really scary. I would suggest that if you still are thinking of going maybe valarien before you board would help to calm you some. I don't know about traveling on it but it does help with nerves and relaxation. Maybe someone else could give you their 2 cents worth about that just to be sure.
Also busy work would help pass the time - crosswords or a handheld game might keep you busy for a little bit.
xxx
Sandy

[W.I.F.T.S.]

Why am I so anxious/ depressed? Yeah, part of it probably is genetic: my mum and gran are terrible worriers and my dad is very pessimistic and negative. Part of it is probably nurture too: being brought up being told not to do such and such because it's dangerous and my dad appearing to have no confidence in me. I remember he took me to join a lads football team and told the manager that I was no good, but could I just join in?!! He's normally the first to pounce on me when I make a mistake and call me "useless".

I know that it's up to me. I can either hide behind those things as excuses and not take responsibility for my life or I can be stronger because of them.

I remember my brother saying that he felt like my dad and my gran were 'pecking his head', saying 'you should do this' and 'why haven't you done that' when he lived here and that he needed to get out. When I was better I was exactly the same, but becoming ill I lost all my confidence and I wanted to come home to feel safe and looked after. What I'm realising now is that it's actually made me go backwards: I used to live away from home for years and now I'm here and being told to tidy my room and it's rubbish. I know that loads of people who have been to Uni and come back have felt the same. I've been scared of having to fend for myself, but I actually think that being that bit more independent again would be good for me.

It's the same with my job. I thought I'd get a 'no hassles' job stacking tins of beans, but it's actually very stressful because they are on my back all the time and I get treated with no respect at all.

I've always had a bit of a siege mentality: if i just endure the present and suffer a bit, then I will get my rewards in the future. I don't like being a quitter and running away from situations. What I need to realise though is that I'm not doing myself any favours by enduring a miserable situation. The strong thing to do is to be decisive and to move to something that I would enjoy more.

I don't know if anyone follows football, but I was looking at Damien Duff's situation at Chelsea. I don't think he particularly wanted to go there in the first place, but it's a challenge to try and hold your place in the team for such a big club. He must have been thinking 'I want to be strong and overcome this challenge, not run away'. Which is great, but there comes to a point where you think 'I'm really not happy. I've done my best, but maybe I'd be better trying something else now.' I think Damien has actually been very assertive in asking for a transfer, rather than sitting it out at Chelsea. His situation has helped me to realise things about my own situation.

Ships in harbour are safe..but that's not what ships were built for.