tommy84
21-08-12, 08:05
To cut a long story short, 8 years ago I discovered anxiety (well, it discovered me technically!) and turned my life upside down. I went from being an outgoing 19 year old to an agoraphobic recluse. I did not leave my house for 6 months, didn’t drink or take medication for years as was worried about the effect it would have on me when in my body and not be able to stop it. Couldn't exercise as was scared of having a heart attack. These then moved onto stronger things, thoughts about harm until I got to the stage where I couldn’t cuddle or have sex with my girlfriend as was scared I would hurt her, this ended the relationship. I could not even comprehend the thought of travelling more than a few hours from home.
That was then, and now - I own my own company and am doing very well, have had a number of good (and bad relationships with women), have a lot of very good friends, can now drink and take medication, go to the gym 4 times a week and am finally living my life the way I want. This year I have been skiing for a week in Andorra, had my friend fly me to France for a day in a light aircraft (have a big fear of flying) went to the Monaco grand prix, have had a long weekend in Lake Garda and spent the weekend at a music festival. I am now planning on getting taking 3 months off between contracts and taking the trans-Siberian railway from Russia through Asia then get to Australia as travelling was always my dream before anxiety.
I stopped posting here a few years ago as it turned into a hunt for reassurance for me, looking for people with the same symptoms and experiences so I could confirm the thoughts and feeling I had were anxiety. But thought the posters of this board might like to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel (even though it is not always visible when in the deepest parts of anxiety).
When I used to read the success stories, I used to look for how people did it, the truth is, there is no magic switch to turn it off, but below is what I did...
My road to recovery actually started when a relationship I was in ended and she turned very nasty (think I posted about it here before). We owned a house together and had broken up as house prices crashed. She refused to let me sell the house, and refused to help with the mortgage, so I was stuck earning under 30k trying to pay a £1500 a month mortgage and legal bills to get the house sold. It was a stressful time, but the time I used to spend ruminating about my anxiety symptoms was now spent worrying about my "real life" problems. This time last year, I started seeing a girl from work, we got on really well and things were going really well until she suggested we go to Thailand for 3-4 weeks, I immediately agreed as have always wanted to see the world. But then anxiety came back, the thought of being in a place so alien scared me so much that it ended the relationship (and she is now in Australia traveling and I should have been with her). It made me revaluate things and how the thoughts and feelings I had about going away were because I would be out of my comfort zone.
For me, I have realised I am scared to go anywhere unfamiliar as I am worried about being anxious when away from home (although have no anxiety symptoms when I am here), a last month I went for a weekend in northern Italy, I was a bit anxious before we went, put off booking it until the last minute, was scared of being away from home. But I booked it, and we went and I had an amazing time. Then the week after, I had an interview for a job at the European Parliament in Brussels, so took the Eurostar on my own and was absolutely fine before, during and after. So I have concluded that I am fine travelling on my own, it is just with other people. Destinations within Europe are achievable for me as it is not too unfamiliar, but other places I am desperate to go to (Asia, South America) just seem too alien for me to be able to comprehend, this is the last piece of my anxiety I need to conquer which I why I think I need to travel for a few months.
I am now 27 and need to start thinking about settling down. I have my fair share of female interest, but either need to find someone who understands anxiety or need to clean up the last few fears I have.
I know I have waffled a bit and you are probably bored already, but for me anxiety has actually had some positives for me, when it struck, I had just wasted an education at the best grammar school in the country due to being more interested in drink, drugs and women, I look at the friends I had then and they are still doing the same things we did then, I have managed to channel my anxious nature into some positives, to graduate at the top of my university class, to build a successful business, been thought a lot of self-realisation and identifying what is really important to me.
The advice I would give anyone who has not fallen asleep yet and is trawling the success stories for the holy grail is:
1) Stop smoking and start exercising - this really did help, the first week or two of exercise actually made my anxiety worse, but eventually helped a lot.
2) If you are agoraphobic, that is the first thing to beat before you can tackle the rest of anxiety - I know the fear of leaving the home, the utter panic. But there is no easy way to beat it, I looked at my home as my "comfort zone" and was petrified of leaving it. The way I looked at it was increasing my comfort zone, firstly to the park near my house, then to my car, then to a part time job and eventually grew my comfort zone. It is a slow and gradual process and I am still growing mine. Think of it like the board game "Risk", capturing one area at a time and as you have more territory, capturing the next is easier. I am still trying to capture the world.
3) I am a natural worrier, even when I was a child I used to spend a lot of time awake worrying about things. Turn this worrying into something productive, I focused mine on my degree, then on my legal issues with my ex, and now on my work. I see my anxious tendencies as something positive now.
4) Rest - anxiety is tiring, I have experienced "burnout" twice and it is not very nice and not at all good for anxiety. I find I am 100x more anxious when I am not rested.
5) Look at yourself from someone else’s eyes - if you saw someone in your position, what advice would you gives them? I looked at myself as a 19 year old agoraphobic and realised I needed to beat that first.
Thank you for taking the time to read this (if you have got this far) I am not the greatest writer in the world, but remember the hope the success storied on here gave me and am hoping I can give someone else the glimmer of hope. If anyone wants any advice, please feel free to PM me :)
That was then, and now - I own my own company and am doing very well, have had a number of good (and bad relationships with women), have a lot of very good friends, can now drink and take medication, go to the gym 4 times a week and am finally living my life the way I want. This year I have been skiing for a week in Andorra, had my friend fly me to France for a day in a light aircraft (have a big fear of flying) went to the Monaco grand prix, have had a long weekend in Lake Garda and spent the weekend at a music festival. I am now planning on getting taking 3 months off between contracts and taking the trans-Siberian railway from Russia through Asia then get to Australia as travelling was always my dream before anxiety.
I stopped posting here a few years ago as it turned into a hunt for reassurance for me, looking for people with the same symptoms and experiences so I could confirm the thoughts and feeling I had were anxiety. But thought the posters of this board might like to see that there is light at the end of the tunnel (even though it is not always visible when in the deepest parts of anxiety).
When I used to read the success stories, I used to look for how people did it, the truth is, there is no magic switch to turn it off, but below is what I did...
My road to recovery actually started when a relationship I was in ended and she turned very nasty (think I posted about it here before). We owned a house together and had broken up as house prices crashed. She refused to let me sell the house, and refused to help with the mortgage, so I was stuck earning under 30k trying to pay a £1500 a month mortgage and legal bills to get the house sold. It was a stressful time, but the time I used to spend ruminating about my anxiety symptoms was now spent worrying about my "real life" problems. This time last year, I started seeing a girl from work, we got on really well and things were going really well until she suggested we go to Thailand for 3-4 weeks, I immediately agreed as have always wanted to see the world. But then anxiety came back, the thought of being in a place so alien scared me so much that it ended the relationship (and she is now in Australia traveling and I should have been with her). It made me revaluate things and how the thoughts and feelings I had about going away were because I would be out of my comfort zone.
For me, I have realised I am scared to go anywhere unfamiliar as I am worried about being anxious when away from home (although have no anxiety symptoms when I am here), a last month I went for a weekend in northern Italy, I was a bit anxious before we went, put off booking it until the last minute, was scared of being away from home. But I booked it, and we went and I had an amazing time. Then the week after, I had an interview for a job at the European Parliament in Brussels, so took the Eurostar on my own and was absolutely fine before, during and after. So I have concluded that I am fine travelling on my own, it is just with other people. Destinations within Europe are achievable for me as it is not too unfamiliar, but other places I am desperate to go to (Asia, South America) just seem too alien for me to be able to comprehend, this is the last piece of my anxiety I need to conquer which I why I think I need to travel for a few months.
I am now 27 and need to start thinking about settling down. I have my fair share of female interest, but either need to find someone who understands anxiety or need to clean up the last few fears I have.
I know I have waffled a bit and you are probably bored already, but for me anxiety has actually had some positives for me, when it struck, I had just wasted an education at the best grammar school in the country due to being more interested in drink, drugs and women, I look at the friends I had then and they are still doing the same things we did then, I have managed to channel my anxious nature into some positives, to graduate at the top of my university class, to build a successful business, been thought a lot of self-realisation and identifying what is really important to me.
The advice I would give anyone who has not fallen asleep yet and is trawling the success stories for the holy grail is:
1) Stop smoking and start exercising - this really did help, the first week or two of exercise actually made my anxiety worse, but eventually helped a lot.
2) If you are agoraphobic, that is the first thing to beat before you can tackle the rest of anxiety - I know the fear of leaving the home, the utter panic. But there is no easy way to beat it, I looked at my home as my "comfort zone" and was petrified of leaving it. The way I looked at it was increasing my comfort zone, firstly to the park near my house, then to my car, then to a part time job and eventually grew my comfort zone. It is a slow and gradual process and I am still growing mine. Think of it like the board game "Risk", capturing one area at a time and as you have more territory, capturing the next is easier. I am still trying to capture the world.
3) I am a natural worrier, even when I was a child I used to spend a lot of time awake worrying about things. Turn this worrying into something productive, I focused mine on my degree, then on my legal issues with my ex, and now on my work. I see my anxious tendencies as something positive now.
4) Rest - anxiety is tiring, I have experienced "burnout" twice and it is not very nice and not at all good for anxiety. I find I am 100x more anxious when I am not rested.
5) Look at yourself from someone else’s eyes - if you saw someone in your position, what advice would you gives them? I looked at myself as a 19 year old agoraphobic and realised I needed to beat that first.
Thank you for taking the time to read this (if you have got this far) I am not the greatest writer in the world, but remember the hope the success storied on here gave me and am hoping I can give someone else the glimmer of hope. If anyone wants any advice, please feel free to PM me :)