littleredhen
22-08-12, 05:41
Ok, here's a weird situation.
Bit of a saga, but will try to be concise.
I have a life-long best friend who I love to bits. She's struggled to find her place in the world and to find what it is that she wants to do. She has now fixed her sights on being a writer and has been working really hard studying a creative writing course, writing a blog, writing to magazines and publishers, etc, etc. She is over the the moon when she gets even the tiniest piece of recognition, ie a letter published or a link to one of her short stories shared across the blogosphere or via twitter. I'm really proud of her and get a real thrill when I read her things or see the delight she gets from being read.
well, I am doing something this week which is a bit adventurous and somehow it's come to the attention of a specialist magazine and they've asked me to write up to a 4-page article about it and they will pay me.
I now can't stop worrying about how to tell my friend and what her reaction will be. The opportunity I have just had handed to me on plate would be her dream. My anxiety about this is now over-riding the activity which I am being asked to write about and I have hardly slept a wink cos of my mind in overdrive about it. I think the only option is to NOT write the article. which is stupid and yet another example of how my anxiety ruins good things in my life.
But i really do feel sick about how my friend might feel. I am worried she might be jealous, or feel that I am trumping her, or something like 'oh god, she's always got to do something bigger' (btw, i am bipolar, so our friendship has been plagued by HUGE displays of drama and ostentiousness and I've tried really hard to moderate my ott behaviours). Just feel this is something that will make her roll her eyes at me and I so badly just want her to love me.
Not sure how well I'm doing with articulating what my problem is with this.
Is my only answer to turn down the opportunity to do the write-up?
Bit of a saga, but will try to be concise.
I have a life-long best friend who I love to bits. She's struggled to find her place in the world and to find what it is that she wants to do. She has now fixed her sights on being a writer and has been working really hard studying a creative writing course, writing a blog, writing to magazines and publishers, etc, etc. She is over the the moon when she gets even the tiniest piece of recognition, ie a letter published or a link to one of her short stories shared across the blogosphere or via twitter. I'm really proud of her and get a real thrill when I read her things or see the delight she gets from being read.
well, I am doing something this week which is a bit adventurous and somehow it's come to the attention of a specialist magazine and they've asked me to write up to a 4-page article about it and they will pay me.
I now can't stop worrying about how to tell my friend and what her reaction will be. The opportunity I have just had handed to me on plate would be her dream. My anxiety about this is now over-riding the activity which I am being asked to write about and I have hardly slept a wink cos of my mind in overdrive about it. I think the only option is to NOT write the article. which is stupid and yet another example of how my anxiety ruins good things in my life.
But i really do feel sick about how my friend might feel. I am worried she might be jealous, or feel that I am trumping her, or something like 'oh god, she's always got to do something bigger' (btw, i am bipolar, so our friendship has been plagued by HUGE displays of drama and ostentiousness and I've tried really hard to moderate my ott behaviours). Just feel this is something that will make her roll her eyes at me and I so badly just want her to love me.
Not sure how well I'm doing with articulating what my problem is with this.
Is my only answer to turn down the opportunity to do the write-up?