Sparkle1984
25-08-12, 19:44
I've already touched upon this subject in some of my previous posts, but I'd like to explain my feelings in more detail and my thought processes so hopefully someone will be able to help me deal with this.
One of the main themes of my anxiety at the moment is the fear of death and dying. This is how my thought processes typically work:
I'll see or read about someone, and then I think about their age.
If they are old, this sets me thinking morbid thoughts, eg worrying that the person may die within a few years.
Then it sets me off thinking about how I myself am getting older.
Then I worry about how I'll feel when I'm older. For example, I think "when I'm in my 70s or 80s will I be constantly worried about dying?" and "will I be able to enjoy myself when I'm old or will I be too worried?" (Here I'm actually worried that I'll be worried when I'm older - ie I'm worrying about worrying!)
I then think how sad/disappointed I'll be if I don't get to do everything I wanted to do during my life.
I also worry about what happens when someone dies (in the spiritual sense). I do believe in spirits, but being a scientifically-minded person I do sometimes get doubts about it, since it is difficult to believe in something when there's not much concrete evidence. The doubts make me feel worse.
When I try to cast these negative morbid thoughts aside or try to forget about them, I then get a nagging feeling saying "doesn't it bother you that you and your loved ones will die one day?" and then the fear starts again.
I also sometimes feel guilty about having these morbid thoughts, because it's bad to think about your loved ones dying and yourself dying. It also makes me feel that because I'm so scared of dying, I'm being ungrateful for life. But in reality I am grateful for life and I want to be able to enjoy it without these intrusive negative thoughts.
I think the reason these negative morbid thoughts are so powerful and intrusive is because they scare me so much and they make me feel uncomfortable so it's harder to block them out.
Since this current anxiety episode started about 7 weeks ago, the themes have changed slightly over time. It first started off with me being scared that I'd done something wrong at work and I had an irrational fear that I'd end up losing my job because of it. Then once that was resolved, the anxiety theme changed to being about my parents and older relatives dying. Then once I'd stopped being so scared about that, the theme changed again to being about myself dying. When I went to the doctor's a couple of weeks ago, she said that what I'm doing is an example of catastrophising (snowballing thoughts).
In some ways it feels like if it wasn't this theme, it would be something else. It feels almost as if my mind has to worry about something. The worst thing is, that I'm worrying about something which is inevitable and I know that no amount of worrying about dying can alter the fact that all human beings will eventually die. At least with the other types of anxiety (eg social anxiety), I can avoid them temporarily by keeping myself to myself for a while, whereas fear of dying is something that can't be easily escaped from, if you know what I mean.
Has anyone else here had this sort of fear, and how do you deal with it? Or has anyone got any other advice to help me with this?
One of the main themes of my anxiety at the moment is the fear of death and dying. This is how my thought processes typically work:
I'll see or read about someone, and then I think about their age.
If they are old, this sets me thinking morbid thoughts, eg worrying that the person may die within a few years.
Then it sets me off thinking about how I myself am getting older.
Then I worry about how I'll feel when I'm older. For example, I think "when I'm in my 70s or 80s will I be constantly worried about dying?" and "will I be able to enjoy myself when I'm old or will I be too worried?" (Here I'm actually worried that I'll be worried when I'm older - ie I'm worrying about worrying!)
I then think how sad/disappointed I'll be if I don't get to do everything I wanted to do during my life.
I also worry about what happens when someone dies (in the spiritual sense). I do believe in spirits, but being a scientifically-minded person I do sometimes get doubts about it, since it is difficult to believe in something when there's not much concrete evidence. The doubts make me feel worse.
When I try to cast these negative morbid thoughts aside or try to forget about them, I then get a nagging feeling saying "doesn't it bother you that you and your loved ones will die one day?" and then the fear starts again.
I also sometimes feel guilty about having these morbid thoughts, because it's bad to think about your loved ones dying and yourself dying. It also makes me feel that because I'm so scared of dying, I'm being ungrateful for life. But in reality I am grateful for life and I want to be able to enjoy it without these intrusive negative thoughts.
I think the reason these negative morbid thoughts are so powerful and intrusive is because they scare me so much and they make me feel uncomfortable so it's harder to block them out.
Since this current anxiety episode started about 7 weeks ago, the themes have changed slightly over time. It first started off with me being scared that I'd done something wrong at work and I had an irrational fear that I'd end up losing my job because of it. Then once that was resolved, the anxiety theme changed to being about my parents and older relatives dying. Then once I'd stopped being so scared about that, the theme changed again to being about myself dying. When I went to the doctor's a couple of weeks ago, she said that what I'm doing is an example of catastrophising (snowballing thoughts).
In some ways it feels like if it wasn't this theme, it would be something else. It feels almost as if my mind has to worry about something. The worst thing is, that I'm worrying about something which is inevitable and I know that no amount of worrying about dying can alter the fact that all human beings will eventually die. At least with the other types of anxiety (eg social anxiety), I can avoid them temporarily by keeping myself to myself for a while, whereas fear of dying is something that can't be easily escaped from, if you know what I mean.
Has anyone else here had this sort of fear, and how do you deal with it? Or has anyone got any other advice to help me with this?