eddie1234
25-08-12, 22:59
Ive been really down the last few days and think im getting worse My life right now is pretty shitty I currently am staying with my mother right now who is an alcoholic who suffers from depression and Im a 28 year old male who is currently not working and is on a disability check right now for my own depression and anxiety Every day I struggle with my emotions but the last few days I really dont want to play the game no more. I try to strive to make my life better but it just seems to get worse. Right now i can barley type or even make sense of anything or even wonder im on this site or how i found it. I think the one thing that triggered the depression im in now was that I met a girl and everything was going fine I have a lot of insecurites tho because of my illness and everytime i get involved with some one I pull away I just dont know how they will take it or judge me after I tell them. Sometimes they might accept it but i feel i carry so much pain sometimes Ill just bring anyone around me down. I use to want to start working again and have some what of a comfortable life. Now I just feel like nothing is even worth it. My dads dead he was a herion addict, My grandpa shot him self, and my mother is an alcholic who just cries all day. I use to get on my knees and pray that she would stop drinking and she would cheer up. Now I cant stand her. Probably because I feel the same way. Everytime im feeling positive she finds a way to bring me down. I know im part of the problem tho too. I just feel like im in the matrix and cant get out. I havent slept in like 38 hours. I cant eat at all I start to shake when I even bring something up to my mouth. Im definetly having thoughts of suicide. Probably shooting my self if there was a gun around. Sorry if I sound crazy im just being honest and wanting some help.