Please Help, Feeling very LOW and Suicidal

[eddie1234]

Ive been really down the last few days and think im getting worse My life right now is pretty shitty I currently am staying with my mother right now who is an alcoholic who suffers from depression and Im a 28 year old male who is currently not working and is on a disability check right now for my own depression and anxiety Every day I struggle with my emotions but the last few days I really dont want to play the game no more. I try to strive to make my life better but it just seems to get worse. Right now i can barley type or even make sense of anything or even wonder im on this site or how i found it. I think the one thing that triggered the depression im in now was that I met a girl and everything was going fine I have a lot of insecurites tho because of my illness and everytime i get involved with some one I pull away I just dont know how they will take it or judge me after I tell them. Sometimes they might accept it but i feel i carry so much pain sometimes Ill just bring anyone around me down. I use to want to start working again and have some what of a comfortable life. Now I just feel like nothing is even worth it. My dads dead he was a herion addict, My grandpa shot him self, and my mother is an alcholic who just cries all day. I use to get on my knees and pray that she would stop drinking and she would cheer up. Now I cant stand her. Probably because I feel the same way. Everytime im feeling positive she finds a way to bring me down. I know im part of the problem tho too. I just feel like im in the matrix and cant get out. I havent slept in like 38 hours. I cant eat at all I start to shake when I even bring something up to my mouth. Im definetly having thoughts of suicide. Probably shooting my self if there was a gun around. Sorry if I sound crazy im just being honest and wanting some help.

[sunshine1]

Aww eddie you are having a really rough time and have had some awful experiences. i think that you need to see your doctor and tell him/her how you feel. I think that some type of counselling would help too. Have you any friends you can talk to in the meantime? try and get some sleep too.

[Oliboy]

Hi

Im not that great at giving advice, but please don't give up, you will find a way out of your despair, I obviously don't know you well enough to offer any kind of as to how you will come through this....but you will, it might not be tonight, tomorrow, or even this year but you will get through it and one day you will be happy with the world, but please don't give up.

[sunshine1]

remember that you are not your parents. it sounds like you could do with moving out if that is possible to get some some distance. Please try and find some positive things to think about. take each day at a time, and try not to get hung up on the big picture. What about making a small plan for tomorrow, like how about going for a walk?. i think it sounds like you are trying hard to think about how to get out of your cycle, finding a part time job or culd you volunteer somewhere?

---------- Post added at 23:34 ---------- Previous post was at 23:32 ----------

see, oliboy and I believe in you!

[AuntieMoosie]

Hello Eddie,
I'm so sorry that you're having a rough time right now.
It does sound to me like you are very depressed, you don't mention whether you are getting any help from anyone??
If you are not receiving help, I really would strongly advise you to contact your doctor at the earliest opportunity.
If you feel that you can't wait until Tuesday, being that it's Bank Holiday this weekend, then please get in touch with your local out of hours service, you will be able to get their number on an answer machine message if you ring your surgery.
If you feel that you are really in danger of hurting yourself then please go straight to your local A and E department at your local hospital, they will be able to keep you safe and will be able to have you assessed by someone from your local Mental Health Team.

Eddie please don't despair, there is help for you and you will get better, life might seem like the pits now, but it won't always be like that.

Please go and get some help as soon as you are able.

Sending you hugs :hugs:

[jonngait]

Hello, Eddie!! I'm sorry to hear you're going through all this trouble... sometimes life just seems to be harder on some people than others... but, let me just say, considering the way you described your life so far, it actually seems like you are much much stronger than you give yourself credit for!

I guess we all know how hard it is to survive with anxiety, but we never take a step out of the situation to realise that we are actually proving our strength just by surviving... staying alive, no matter in how deep trouble we find ourselves. and that, Eddie, is your kind of strength. you are a blessed man, you are a diamond in the rough, shining through the dirt surrounding your life. and let me say, that it's only up to you to clean all that dirt around you and set your inner strength free so it can strike this world and make it a better place.

Think well, judge carefully... Remember life, your dreams. No life deserves to just be tossed away, no matter what. And Eddie, this is your chance. Your chance to overcome the difficulties and be a bigger man than your fears and all the trouble. I don't know you, but I know you can get through this. You may not know it now, but your life is going to be terribly missed by one special person; the one girl that longs to meet you and is willing to stay in your life regardless of your anxiety. There always is another way out of a trouble, a better way. You just have to find it.

[Serenitie]

You are not alone. You have experienced a lot of trauma in your life and need the time and space to heal. Counselling, GP and talking to people on here may be a starting point for you to turn things around.

Do you have friends that you can stay with to have some time away from your difficult home environment or have you considered applying for re housing? This may take some pressure off you and give you the breathing space to figure things out?

The only thing certain in life is change. You will not feel this way forever. You are not alone. Please reach out and ask for the help that you need & deserve to get through this difficult time and be kind to yourself.

You are very articulate and have a lot of insight which you can use to improve your situation. You have shown incredible strength to have come through the difficult experiences that you have been through. I believe in you and I believe that things will get better for you. Remember. You are not alone :hugs:

[eddie1234]

I do hope this feeling goes away soon tho. If I continue to feel really low I probably will go to the ER. I was once in the military for a few years and also had 3 years of college. I was about 24 hours away from graduating and then everything collapsed around me, When I first started having my depressions I didnt know what was going on. I didnt understand why I was so sad and worried all the time. I would ask other people if they felt this way and they just wouldnt understand. I have gotten through a lot of depressions but this one just feels different like I dont want to fight anymore. I just feel like i have no family like other people also. All of my friends are out living their lives and becoming successful and I just feel that no one wants to listen to my poor broke ass complain and wine. Some nights I feel alright but as soon as I wake up I cant go back to sleep. My anxiety kicks in and my mind starts racing...nothing but negative thoughts. Mornings are the worst. I can honestly say I hate the sunshine right now. I wish it was night time all day long. I think I would feel better I know a lot of people on here know what im going through and that helps but that doesnt take the feeling away. Thank you all for your support tho

[AuntieMoosie]

Hello Eddie,
I am sorry, I hadn't noticed that you are in the States and I left you detail of how to get help in the UK:blush:

Life can seem very difficult at times and it does sound like you have been through an awful lot of trauma in your life, hardly surprising that you are full of negative thoughts.

Sometimes our minds get bogged down with lots of negativity and it's really hard to come out of that especially if we feel depressed.

I know it's really hard, I suffer with depression too, but each day just try to think of a least one little thing that is nice or that you enjoy and hold on to that feeling just for a minute or two. There are always nice things in life too but we tend to not notice them when we feel depressed so we have to kind of remind ourselves again. I do find that doing that little thing helps.

Getting caught in a circle of anxiety is very unpleasant too, one negative thought after another and it sure gets very tiring too so I can really understand how you're feeling.

Eddie just hang in there, things do get better. I guess you already know how to get help where you are and it's really good that you know how to get help.

I really do hope that things get better for you, maybe once your mood is lifted a bit, it may be helpful to have some counselling to help you work through the different and difficult experiences that you've had. I found counselling most helpful to gain insight into what was making me depressed, it kind of gets easier if we can gain an understanding to it.

I hope that coming on to No More Panic is helping you, I know it helps me very much, we're always here so please don't feel like you're on your own, there's always plenty of lovely, helpful and supportive people on here.

I do so hope that you start to feel better soon Eddie.

Hugs for you:hugs:

[karenp]

You poor love, I make no wonder you feel so bad the terrible things you have gone through! I'm with my Parents at the mo sleeping on a sofa as I have split up from my husband and though I have been well for atleast 3 years, my panic and anxiety is back and though I don't often feel actually depressed when I get weekends liek the one that's just passed where I've had no sleep for 3 nights, I get the sucidal thoughts too but my safety net is my little boy, who is only 9, so to speak and I really do not want to die, I just want to stop feeling so poorly but know I am going to get better one of these days again as I always have in the past. And YOU WILL get there too in time so always try and remember there's always some out there who will listen to you, whenever you are feeling so low, just call someone, any one who remotely understands. Always remember suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem too!!!!!!!! So hope you feel better soon xxx