I am scared of living.

[GreyClouds]

Everyday I wake up wondering how much panic attacks I am going to have each day.

Lately they have been increasing and getting worse in magnitude, it feels like reality seems like its shutting down around me. I feel like I am literally in a nightmare not sparing any horrific thoughts.

I had about 8 panic attacks today which commanly start with confusion, everything around me starts to decode itself. People start to look demonic, sounds turn into echos and when people speak it sounds like an alien language. I am completely removed from normal reality. During the peak of these panic attacks I start to tremble, my whole body is shacking and my muscles are tense.

I can't speak and when I do It's just basic mono toned words that most people can't understand.

When the panic attack finally starts to fade away my whole body feels euphoric and I feel happy that I have returned to a some what normal stat.

Even when I am some what normal my vision is blurry and reality is still scary because the fear of having another panic attack.

These panic attacks have also increased my derealization and depersonalization symptoms to the point it feels like im floating through hazy dream.

I also get migraines and pressure in my eyes and head which I hope is caused by panic and anxiety instead of something life threatening.

Thanks for reading, If you have any advice I appreciate it thoroughly.

*edit: I might be put on medication sometime soon, has that route helped anyone here?

[BobbyDog]

I think that trying a medication for your anxiety would be a really good idea, it just might be the thing that gets you out of the bad place that you are in at the moment.
I was in a similar situation to you about 6 months ago and with the help of AD's my panic attacks are not so ferocious anymore.
I still have my difficulties every day, but I am more equipped to deal with them.
All the best.

[Donny]

You really need the help of a doctor and pretty soon my friend. Anti-Depressants should help you through and some benzos to help short term until the AD's kick in.

[GreyClouds]

Could I be going schizophrenic?

[karenp]

I don't think so darl, you def sound to be having bad panic attacks that's all to me not suffering with a proper mental illness. I've suffered on and off with panic attacks for ten years and the first ones I had made me feel alot liek you, they were totally terrifying, one day I can remember not even being able to walk I was so scared, I have got better at controlling them over the years though they still scare me loads but I hardly ever properly hyperventilate now as I know they can't really harm me but I still get that feeling of Thank goodness that is over when they pass and that real feeling of happiness and relief you mention. I really hope you get your attacks under control soon (((((hugs))))) x