dally
27-08-12, 19:49
Hi,
I attended a wedding on Friday of a close friend. It had been booked for 2 years. So I had 2 years of programming "what if" disaster videos in my mind of me running screaming out of the church or fainting in the church or worse lying in my bed shaking as if in a fit unable even to attend the service.
I should say I have agaraphobia and through help from an OT I have been able (on a good day) to travel about 15 miles) The Wedding was to be 40 miles away and I would have to stay over night. I have not stayed ONE night away from home in 20 YEARS!!!! so it was a nightmare waiting to happen.
The OT and travel helped me a bit. It was horrendous fighting the irrational desperate need to flight home. but the more I practiced it DID get easier - not easy - but easier.
in the last few months I had four main worries about the wedding.
1. Getting to and staying in the church for one hour without fainting, vomiting or running out screaming
2. the Journey to the reception 15 miles is my limit so far and this venue was 40+ miles.
3. Staying for the meal and speeches without running out screeming, fainting vomiting. and
4. Staying the night at the hotel after not being away from home for over 20 years!!!
So although I was improving slightly, it was VERY slow. and I knew I needed emergency help. The dr gave me propanalol. i really wanted them to work but they made me feel yucky, nauseated, and I couldnt sleep. awake at 5am.
I tried them for 5 days and the SE didnt ease off at all
The only other med I had was Valium. The dr has been giving me "lectures" about additction and how she wanted me to stop taking/relying on them completely. I have been taking valium for about 20+ years but onlywhen I go out or have to go to doctors dentists ect. so 2-6 mg every 2-3 weeks. hardly anything I think!!!
So on the build up to the wedding I researched alterrnatives and I found a post saying that rescue remedy (NIGHT TIME) had an extra essence that prevents negative thoughts and another bach essence called mimulus.
I have tried rescure remedy before and DID NOT THINK IT WORKED AT ALL
so I did not think it would work again.
two days before the wedding I started taking rescue remedy and mimulus and I am not kidding the "thoughts" almost dissapeared and I really felt so much more relaxed. As I have said I have taken valium before and it has relazed me but NEVER HAD ANY EFFECT ON MY NEGATIVE THOUGHTS!!
took 1 x 5mg Valium at bed time
1 x 5 mg Valium next morning
1 x 5 mg valium bed time
morning of the wedding 7AM 1 x 5 mg valium
12md 1 x 5mg Valium
Wedding at 1pm
7pm 1 5mg Valium
and nothing else since
I connot believe I have stayed outwith my home for the first time in 20+ years. I cannot believe I stayed put in a church for one hour.
I cannot believe I sat through a wedding meal and speeches.
I cannnot believe I sat through an evening wedding reception and even danced and stayed till 11pm
I felt shaky at the church. after that was over I was a but euphoric/relieved that I had achieved that. the meal was easier (not easy) and the evening reception easier still cos every one was drunk and would not notice if I left etc.
So I thing taking valium for a few days prior lettinging it build up in my system AND taking the bach remedys helped.
I attended a wedding on Friday of a close friend. It had been booked for 2 years. So I had 2 years of programming "what if" disaster videos in my mind of me running screaming out of the church or fainting in the church or worse lying in my bed shaking as if in a fit unable even to attend the service.
I should say I have agaraphobia and through help from an OT I have been able (on a good day) to travel about 15 miles) The Wedding was to be 40 miles away and I would have to stay over night. I have not stayed ONE night away from home in 20 YEARS!!!! so it was a nightmare waiting to happen.
The OT and travel helped me a bit. It was horrendous fighting the irrational desperate need to flight home. but the more I practiced it DID get easier - not easy - but easier.
in the last few months I had four main worries about the wedding.
1. Getting to and staying in the church for one hour without fainting, vomiting or running out screaming
2. the Journey to the reception 15 miles is my limit so far and this venue was 40+ miles.
3. Staying for the meal and speeches without running out screeming, fainting vomiting. and
4. Staying the night at the hotel after not being away from home for over 20 years!!!
So although I was improving slightly, it was VERY slow. and I knew I needed emergency help. The dr gave me propanalol. i really wanted them to work but they made me feel yucky, nauseated, and I couldnt sleep. awake at 5am.
I tried them for 5 days and the SE didnt ease off at all
The only other med I had was Valium. The dr has been giving me "lectures" about additction and how she wanted me to stop taking/relying on them completely. I have been taking valium for about 20+ years but onlywhen I go out or have to go to doctors dentists ect. so 2-6 mg every 2-3 weeks. hardly anything I think!!!
So on the build up to the wedding I researched alterrnatives and I found a post saying that rescue remedy (NIGHT TIME) had an extra essence that prevents negative thoughts and another bach essence called mimulus.
I have tried rescure remedy before and DID NOT THINK IT WORKED AT ALL
so I did not think it would work again.
two days before the wedding I started taking rescue remedy and mimulus and I am not kidding the "thoughts" almost dissapeared and I really felt so much more relaxed. As I have said I have taken valium before and it has relazed me but NEVER HAD ANY EFFECT ON MY NEGATIVE THOUGHTS!!
took 1 x 5mg Valium at bed time
1 x 5 mg Valium next morning
1 x 5 mg valium bed time
morning of the wedding 7AM 1 x 5 mg valium
12md 1 x 5mg Valium
Wedding at 1pm
7pm 1 5mg Valium
and nothing else since
I connot believe I have stayed outwith my home for the first time in 20+ years. I cannot believe I stayed put in a church for one hour.
I cannot believe I sat through a wedding meal and speeches.
I cannnot believe I sat through an evening wedding reception and even danced and stayed till 11pm
I felt shaky at the church. after that was over I was a but euphoric/relieved that I had achieved that. the meal was easier (not easy) and the evening reception easier still cos every one was drunk and would not notice if I left etc.
So I thing taking valium for a few days prior lettinging it build up in my system AND taking the bach remedys helped.