Gobelino
26-07-06, 21:11
i have just registered here tonight and i have beeen reading various posts and peoples stories etc. Can someone please tell me if im going crazy or if im right in thinking i have general anxiety or by thinking that does it mean i have something else?
Doctors have told me i have suffered on and off with depression since i was a teenager and i have felt like a was always being palmed off with the offer of anti-depressants. i had a short spell of councilling while i was pregnant with my 1st child 3 yrs ago. During this couciling my mum passed away due to alcohol abuse 2 months before my son was born, so when i was really down after the birth my behaviour was passed as greif and after the birth of my second son a year ago i was told i had post natal depression.
Ive now been off work from a job that i loved for over a month because the thought of going in makes me feel sick. i was having problems with one of my managers where i felt like he was picking on me and nobody wanted to help me so rather than deal with it i have run away from it.
i realised earlier today that i used to suffer from seperation anxiety - nightmares reacuring about losing my family and being taken away from them. Constantly being off school saying i was sick and stuff. I even convinced myself at one pint that if i got out of the car at the school gates that my parents would die on the way home.
I now phone my dad in excess of 10 times a day to make sure he is ok making up things to talk to him about. If he doesnt answer the phone i panic something is wrong and continue to call until he answers - if he doesnt i have an overwhelming urge to get the two busses i need to get to his house as i have vision of him being passed out or something.
I have a ritual i have to fllow everynight when my children are asleep of telling them how much i love them etc, if i muddle my words i have to start from the begining - otherwise they might not wake up.
If one of them shows the slightest sign of being ill ihave t sleep with them - thisis all very hard for my partner to deal with.
I worry about everything all the time, being in the car crossing the road, if the milk smells ok, is there ecoli or something horrible n my kitchen, did i switch off the cooker and are all the ashtrays properly put out - sometimes i will check these thing 3 -4 times before going to sleep and i rarely go to bed as im sure if someone sees me sleepin on the sofa they are less likely to break in and hurt my family.
The worst thing is i know i am being irrational and i know i am causing alot of heartache for my partner as i also have no interest in sex either and he feels completly rejected.
Im due to have my 3rd baby in November and im so scared im not going to be able to cope with 3 children but im too scared to admit this to anyone as well for fear they might try to take my babies from me.
If any of this is familar to you please let me know as i think im cracking up and the more i think about it without knowing alot its like im making myself worse.
Sorry for going on
Doctors have told me i have suffered on and off with depression since i was a teenager and i have felt like a was always being palmed off with the offer of anti-depressants. i had a short spell of councilling while i was pregnant with my 1st child 3 yrs ago. During this couciling my mum passed away due to alcohol abuse 2 months before my son was born, so when i was really down after the birth my behaviour was passed as greif and after the birth of my second son a year ago i was told i had post natal depression.
Ive now been off work from a job that i loved for over a month because the thought of going in makes me feel sick. i was having problems with one of my managers where i felt like he was picking on me and nobody wanted to help me so rather than deal with it i have run away from it.
i realised earlier today that i used to suffer from seperation anxiety - nightmares reacuring about losing my family and being taken away from them. Constantly being off school saying i was sick and stuff. I even convinced myself at one pint that if i got out of the car at the school gates that my parents would die on the way home.
I now phone my dad in excess of 10 times a day to make sure he is ok making up things to talk to him about. If he doesnt answer the phone i panic something is wrong and continue to call until he answers - if he doesnt i have an overwhelming urge to get the two busses i need to get to his house as i have vision of him being passed out or something.
I have a ritual i have to fllow everynight when my children are asleep of telling them how much i love them etc, if i muddle my words i have to start from the begining - otherwise they might not wake up.
If one of them shows the slightest sign of being ill ihave t sleep with them - thisis all very hard for my partner to deal with.
I worry about everything all the time, being in the car crossing the road, if the milk smells ok, is there ecoli or something horrible n my kitchen, did i switch off the cooker and are all the ashtrays properly put out - sometimes i will check these thing 3 -4 times before going to sleep and i rarely go to bed as im sure if someone sees me sleepin on the sofa they are less likely to break in and hurt my family.
The worst thing is i know i am being irrational and i know i am causing alot of heartache for my partner as i also have no interest in sex either and he feels completly rejected.
Im due to have my 3rd baby in November and im so scared im not going to be able to cope with 3 children but im too scared to admit this to anyone as well for fear they might try to take my babies from me.
If any of this is familar to you please let me know as i think im cracking up and the more i think about it without knowing alot its like im making myself worse.
Sorry for going on