Introduciong myself and also need advice on meds plz x

[moonlite82]

Hi everyone.

I am new to this site (just registered) as I need to speak to some people who are like me. My story starts when I was 21 (now 29).
I suffered what can only be described as a nervous breakdown one day at work. I was sat at my desk and just shut off and felt like I was having an out of body experience. Then came the sheer terror of panic. After 3 months of 20 panic attacks a day and feeling like I was losing my mind I was diagnosed with GAD/Panic Attacks and Agrophobia. I had a course of Prozac for 6 weeks and CBT and for the past 7 years have managed as best I can day to day.
However just under a year ago the most amazing experience turned into a nightmare. After 6 years of trying for a baby we conceived and had our first daughter born September last year. The day of her birth was the most amazing day of my life and all feelings of anxiety etc melted away. This was it.... the thing I needed to start my life. However at 4 weeks old we noticed that she was not looking at anything. After a visit to the doctors and an MRI scan we were told that our beautiful girl had suffered brain damage as a result of a bleed in her brain whilst I was pregnant and it had left her totally blind :( Well my world just came crashing down around me and once again the dread appeared in the pit of my stomach. I tried to push it away but slowly but surely it has crept back up on me and I am now feeling totally and utterly consumed by it again :( I find myself thinking constantly that I am going to be sick (phobia of being sick) although I have never been sick once since I have suffered. I am doing the avoidance behaviour and do not want to go out unless I have decided on it. I also feel that I am letting my little girl down. I am constantly tense and have been getting awful headaches and dizziness due to the tension in my back, shoulders and neck. So a few days ago I decided enough is enough. I need help. I went to the docs who was very understanding when I told him about our daughter. He is going to refer me for some more CBT but has told me this could take a few months to come through. He also said that it might be worth trying to some meds to help me get out more and function normally.
I have seen 2 docs now and one has prescribed me Citalopram 10mg and the other Trazodone 50mg. I am not sure what to do as I have a little girl who needs me constantly and dont want to be sat on my sofa suffering from too many side effects. Trazodone puts me off a bit as it says it is sedating but then Citalopram has loads of side effects and like I said I have a phobia of being sick !! I just dont know what to do.
Any advice would be really appreciated. I know I need some help from meds but am totally terrified of taking them. I have had an adverse reaction to Seroxat in the past (only took for 1 day due to tingling in spine and hyperactiveness) and I have had a 6 week course of Prozac but this made me feel like a zombie and side effects were awful. I have read that Citalopram doesnt have as many side effects as Prozac and Trazodone has even fewer. I would really appreciate some advice and help
Look forward to your responses
xxx

[Pipkin]

Hi there and a big, warm :welcome:

You've had an incredibly difficult time both before and after your daughter was born and you've done so well to get through it to where you are today. A lot of people would have crumbled but you've stayed strong for your beautiful daughter and that's a real achievement. I know she'll bring you so much joy and you're right to pay some attention to your own well being so that you can be there for her.

I think CBT is a great help but, as you said, there could be quite a wait. Meds could also really help you but which is best is really a conversation for you and your GP. That way, you'll be able to talk through the pros and cons of each. What I can say though is that antidepressants can take quite a while to work. The initial side effects can be tough and they can make you feel quite spaced out and nauseous, as you discovered before. This passes though and they can really help you. A six-week course of Prozac isn't really representative of what ADs can do.

Prozac (Fluoxetine) and Citalopram are very similar and although different meds suit different people, the experience won't be a million miles away from what you've already had. Check out some of the meds forums on here and you'll see pros and cons of all ADs.

Have you thought about getting in touch with a support group for parents in a similar situation to you? Sometimes that can really help.

Most importantly, remember you're not alone. You have your family and friends around you and you're now a member of a very supportive community on here and a friendly message is never far away, day and night.

Take care and look after yourself

Pip :hugs:

[moonlite82]

thanks for the message and sorry for the late reply :) i will take your advice about meds thank you. i have been weighing it up in my mind for a while but i still think i have more research to do.
also i appreciate what you said about my daughter :) i feel like the last year has just been a blur and dont feel very strong right now but she is my baby and i will do everything to help her whether its hard for me or not. atm though i just dont see that light at the end of the tunnel but hopefully with the right treatment i will soon.
thanks again for the reply and hope to be posting on here quite regularly :)
xxxx