Can't even make it through school!! Life blows!!

[clank]

Well. My anxiety is so bad that I can't even go to school. I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. This is my most important year too, where colleges are all looking at grades and I need to get good grades but I can't! I can't because I can't sit through a class and focus on what I am learning. I sit in class and focus on if I feel alright, do I feel okay? Am I going to faint? Am I going to get a head ache? Am I going to vomit? This happens for 6 hours straight through a whole school day! But the day isn't over yet! I still have to go to soccer practice! Even more scary than the school day itself! I have to run so much in such hot weather and if I go to hard then I will get a migraine! Migraines are so scary and they always make me feel like I'm having a stroke so I end up in the hospital! I am also scared that I will faint during practice. I don't even know what to do with myself anymore. Its been one week of school and I already missed two days! I am surely off to a good start! I can't have this going on and me missing out on so much school. I am almost to the point were I feel like stealing my mothers Zoloft medication for her anxiety and just taking some just for the heck of it. I don't even care if it screws me up medically. As long as I can make it through a god damn day! I am in need of some sort of serious help. My doctor requested I get therapy but who knows when she will find a therapist for me. If she does within the next week, I probably won't even be able to see the therapist for another week. So there it adds another two weeks of misery to my life. Plus if they do request me medication, Its probably going to be another week till I see my doctor again and they see if its okay if i take the medicine. So 3 or more weeks of pure hell! Medication probably won't help me either, since I never take medicine due to my fear that for some reason it will screw me up more than I already am! When I was on a cruise it took me 3-4 hours to finally get myself to take a motion sickness tablet. I am a really good kid don't get me wrong, but I am started to get the thoughts of going and doing marijuana and see if that can screw me up and cause me to have some relief. That is such a bad idea I know, but I am now at the point where I need to do something like that, Or punch a window or something. God If any one of you can give something that can help me past these 3 weeks of pure hell, I will love you! Then again in 3 weeks which will be the end of September it will start getting cold. I feel like I am a whole god damn lot better in freezing weather freezing to death than sweating uncontrollably. I am awful in heat, People tell me that i have seasonal anxiety, which I probably do seeings how I feel like I am normal. The only time of the year i feel normal in. Winter/Fall. Sorry for ranting on and on but As you can tell, I need help!

[tiredOfOcd]

I understand the willingness to do anything to get relief, even a moment of it.

You sound like a smart kid so here are some facts to keep in mind. Zoloft fools with brain chemistry and everyone's is different and you need a dr who understands brain chemistry watching you when you start taking it. I'm not sure, but I think I read recently that grass (yeah, I'm old) can increase anxiety in certain people.

The first question is are you going to see some kind of psychologist/psychiatrist in order to get help? You've gotta start there because you're learning (like I did) that managing this on your own is damn near impossible.

[rachel m]

Hi clank. Its rachel again. So sorry you aint feeling any better hun. Why dont you telephone your Dr today and tell them you cant take it no more. I dont know how it works in the U.S but in england we,d see one the same day. I dont think your Dr realises just how bad your anxiety is. He/she needs to know. Do your teachers know whats goin on with your nerves at the moment or maybe a school nurse you could talk to. Unfortunatly clank theres no quick fix for this bloody horrible illness. Have you tried any alternative therepy or non prescription remedies that you get over the counter like Kalms or Bach rescue remedy?. Also do you only have access to the internet when your at home. Sorry for all the questions i know your head is mashed up enough. Im just trying to figure out ways i can help you. :hugs:

[clank]

Hi clank. Its rachel again. So sorry you aint feeling any better hun. Why dont you telephone your Dr today and tell them you cant take it no more. I dont know how it works in the U.S but in england we,d see one the same day. I dont think your Dr realises just how bad your anxiety is. He/she needs to know. Do your teachers know whats goin on with your nerves at the moment or maybe a school nurse you could talk to. Unfortunatly clank theres no quick fix for this bloody horrible illness. Have you tried any alternative therepy or non prescription remedies that you get over the counter like Kalms or Bach rescue remedy?. Also do you only have access to the internet when your at home. Sorry for all the questions i know your head is mashed up enough. Im just trying to figure out ways i can help you. :hugs:

I have Internet access through my iPhone, which is all I can pretty much use since my parents took away the computer. Today I missed school again for the third time because I didn't think I can make it on only one or two hours of sleep. Last night I went to her at 10 and stared at the clock Til two in the morning because I couldn't sleep. Then I went on the computer for an hour and then tried going back to bed. Today my mom is going to have a meeting with the guidance counselers tomorrow. Probably along with the nurse. Who knows what they can do for me. They never really stick to their word anyways. But anyways, both my parents think I'm going insane and all they do is swear at me telling me that I'm going to stay back in school which isn't true! My mom is calling a bunch of therapists today but I doubt I'll be able to see one today. I bet it will be like 1-2 weeks till I can see him/her. I want to go to school so bad but I just can't do it :(

Edit: my phone screws up a lot of words so I am sorry about that

[tiredOfOcd]

Be careful of catastrophizing - my therapist says that's when you figure out the worst possible outcome and assume its going to happen. Unless you can read the minds of your parents, the guidance people at school, the nurses or the minds of the secretaries of the therapists nobody has called yet you CANNOT know what's going to happen.

Now I understand that not worrying about it is another thing altogether but maybe you can hang onto that fact and it'll help.

Nobody thinks you're going insane. I'm a father and if your folks are yelling and screaming, I'll bet my right arm its because this is bewildering and scary for them too.

Sleep would help you a great deal. Are you just too wired from worry to sleep? Have you tried exhausting yourself? At some point, the body will get tired enough that you will sleep, regardless of what's going on in your head. When that happens to me its an incredible relief.

[Anxious_gal]

You need to let the school know what's going on.
Maybe have your doctor contact them.
U have a good reason for missing school, your anxiety is so bad you can't always go even if you want to.

[rachel m]

hey hun wait and see what comes of today your mum might have some luck with them dont lose hope. What about those remidies i asked you about? could you try them?. It realy is better than nothing at the moment till you get sorted. You dont have to worry about chemicals or nothing they are natural products, herbs an stuff. Dont tell yourself you cant go school or you wont. Try it tomorrow an if it gets to much come out of class and log on to us here till you are calm enough to go back in. If your teachers are aware of whats goin on they should understand. As for your mum swearing at you its more than likely frustration so i would,nt take it to heart. :)x

[clank]

My mom had a talk with the gudience counselors and they will talk to my teachers about it. I am going to school tomorrow whether I make it there conscious or not. I am scared to go but I guess im going to just have to go for it. I will ask my mom about them though.

[tiredOfOcd]

I am going to school tomorrow whether I make it there conscious or not.


I find this is the BEST approach to take with getting thru the day. Think of your anxiety as some kind of person who's going to prevent you from doing what you want and then attack it like they were. An aggressive mental attitude that "I'm gonna live my life regardless of what my anxiety wants" has



I am scared to go but I guess im going to just have to go for it.


Yes. You do. Dealing with the fear will get easier the more you do it.

[clank]

But it isn't easier dealing with it, i feel like I my anxiety is 30x worse when i try to deal with it :S

[tiredOfOcd]

But it isn't easier dealing with it, i feel like I my anxiety is 30x worse when i try to deal with it :S

I understand. Initially the WORST feeling is dealing with it. But sometimes, for me at least, when you deal with it you learn that 'ok, that's pretty unlikely to happen'

The more that happens, the more you realize that your worst fears aren't going to happen, the easier it is to resist falling into a downward spiral thinking that the worst will happen.

Think of it like someone jumping out of a closet screaming BOO. 1st time, 2nd time maybe you freak out.

1001 time it happens, ya just look at 'em like 'you again?'

it WILL get better.

[clank]

I understand. Initially the WORST feeling is dealing with it. But sometimes, for me at least, when you deal with it you learn that 'ok, that's pretty unlikely to happen'

The more that happens, the more you realize that your worst fears aren't going to happen, the easier it is to resist falling into a downward spiral thinking that the worst will happen.

Think of it like someone jumping out of a closet screaming BOO. 1st time, 2nd time maybe you freak out.

1001 time it happens, ya just look at 'em like 'you again?'

it WILL get better.

I always try to fight it but I just can't :(

[tiredOfOcd]

I always try to fight it but I just can't :(

You need help to learn how. That's going to come from a psychiatrist or psychologist. That's what I had to do.

You might need meds in order to be able to put what they teach you into practice. I did.

But, I know based on your posts in this thread that you want your life back. Now you gotta go take it back.

[clank]

You need help to learn how. That's going to come from a psychiatrist or psychologist. That's what I had to do.

You might need meds in order to be able to put what they teach you into practice. I did.

But, I know based on your posts in this thread that you want your life back. Now you gotta go take it back.

Tomorrow is my first appointment with a therapist, and that is true, I really wan't my life back. I wish I was still a kid who didn't have a clue what was going on in the world and everything about my health never bothered me. The good ol days!

[Jules147]

I always try to fight it but I just can't :(

You shouldn't fight it. You should do the exact opposite. Accept it, don't be afraid of it (it can't actually harm you) and it will fade away.

Regarding meds, sleeping pills, just for a few days would be a good start. Tiredness makes anxiety ten times worse.

With good Cognitive Behavioural Therapy you shouldn't really need SSRIs.

[tiredOfOcd]

Tomorrow is my first appointment with a therapist, and that is true, I really wan't my life back.


See? It didn't take the week you thought it would. That's something you can throw at your anxiety when it tries to get you to believe the worst. It was wrong. It doesn't know everything.

Therapy is work. You are motivated. That is an excellent way to be headed into therapy.



I wish I was still a kid who didn't have a clue what was going on in the world and everything about my health never bothered me. The good ol days!

I've thought about that an awful lot over the last few years. Awareness of the bad stuff does not make it more likely to happen to you. The fact is, the vast majority of people live long, healthy lives. Modern medicine has got a good handle on how to deal with alot of the the common problems - both treatment and prevention.

Good luck in therapy!

[clank]

See? It didn't take the week you thought it would. That's something you can throw at your anxiety when it tries to get you to believe the worst. It was wrong. It doesn't know everything.

Therapy is work. You are motivated. That is an excellent way to be headed into therapy.



I've thought about that an awful lot over the last few years. Awareness of the bad stuff does not make it more likely to happen to you. The fact is, the vast majority of people live long, healthy lives. Modern medicine has got a good handle on how to deal with alot of the the common problems - both treatment and prevention.

Good luck in therapy!
Well i just got back from my first therapy session! It wasn't that bad. He told me I wasn't that much of a nutshell that I thought i was. School was OK too. I had a tension head ache in my right side of my head, and if i stared at something for too look, it would look like its start moving making me feel weird and dizzy. But other than that it wasn't the worst day i had! Next wensday i have another session, and he is going to teach me some weird hypnosis thing. No idea what it is but pretty curious to see what it is!

[tiredOfOcd]

Well i just got back from my first therapy session! It wasn't that bad.


They never are.



He told me I wasn't that much of a nutshell that I thought i was. School was OK too. I had a tension head ache in my right side of my head, and if i stared at something for too look, it would look like its start moving making me feel weird and dizzy. But other than that it wasn't the worst day i had!


See? And you thought the world was gonna come to an end :winks:

Seriously, file this experience away and use it when you feel like all hope is lost. All hope IS NOT lost.



Next wensday i have another session, and he is going to teach me some weird hypnosis thing. No idea what it is but pretty curious to see what it is!


Yeah, I'm curious too - do you mind coming back and describing it? If you have good results with it I'll see if my shrink will teach it to me. I've realized you can't have too many tools to fight this stuff with.

Glad today was better.

Hang in there.

[clank]

Sure! Ill send you a quick pm if i remember. I am also getting some mild anxiety medication that he reccommended to me, which I hope that helps too!