View Full Version : obsessive thoughts (horrid) but im strong and know what they are

05-09-12, 10:55
i dont drink but recently went on stag doo as my best mate was getting hitched and ended up in brighton for a messy weekend. I was really careful and only drank halves of larger.But by night time was totally out of it and cant remember much.Felt terrible the nxt day and by wednesday was totally analising everything.Thursday night woke up from a bad bad nightmare.I have been on clomipramine for 4 years now at a low dose 10mg and seroquel 25mg when needed as i have a really stressfull job but good job.My problem is i get really intrusive thoughts and when i get them they knock me for six.I have had them for 3 weeks now and have decided to take a few days sick leave from work.I asked to see my docter but he is on holiday.I was going to ask him to up my dose of clomipramine to 20mg.So ,as i cant get to see him i have done it off my own back.As anyone else been in the same perdiciment.And do you think the increase will help .Did it last night and got a good nights sleep , the first for over 3weeks.
I can remember being on 20mg when i first started and i think my docter dropped my dose after 6 months.
Anyone help or have the same thing happen to them.
Kind regards bobbbyone:scared15:

06-09-12, 19:14
Hi Bobbyone, I am not sure if it will interact with your seroquel, but 20mg of clomipramine is a still a very low dose and I think you will be fine to at least try it. I started taking clomipramine at 30mg per day after a horrible 4 weeks on prozac, After 2 weeks I went up to 40mg and for the last 2 weeks I have started to feel much better. I am going to stay on this and if necessary would up the dose if I felt symptoms of anxiety/thoughts coming back. The normal daily dose of this is 75mg and it can be taken up to 250mg, so going up from 10mg should help you.
What type of thughts are/were you having?
purplepie :)

07-09-12, 09:36
hi purplepie
thoughts of flipping out ( horrible ) ive had them for years and they come on when i get stressed.last time i had them was when my dad passed away 5years ago and i went on a serch for the right med and they gave me prozac it totally flipped me out.So was very reluctant to take anything.I then realised my problem was purely obbsesional.And asked for clomipramine to which he thought was a good idea but warned about side affects being worse than ssri's.I went on them and got a weird taste in my mouth and sweaty reaction but that was about it and manged to get up to 35mgs in around 7 weeks.And that is all i can remember as i was back to work and put the episode totally behind me.then as time as gone on the doctor has dropped this to a maintaince dose of 10mg a night which i have been on for 5years.

About 3 weeks ago i started waking up about 2 at night having had a bad nightmare and my sleep started to decline.And then my ocd started to kick in like getting things out of the house that may hurt someone.
i know there only thoughts but god they overwhelm me and started getting them at work.
So i decided to up my dose my self and get an appointment at the docs which i did and he increased my dose to 25mg.And thinks this will work as it did last time.The thing is i am a very confident person and find i can mingle with anyone which is a good strength but when this happens its so hard to get back to that way .Sometimes i feel like it is a glitch and my brain has split into two one being me and the other a total nutter.
Im just worried that this might not work and ill be stuck like this forever.
what troubles you purplepie and how long do you think this raise in dosage will take to balance me out.As do you just wake up one morning and go hey they are working?
Kind regards bobbbyone:)

09-09-12, 20:28
Hey bobbyone, I think when you raise the dosage on any med it takes time, but as they are already in your system, it may be quicker than starting from scratch. How are you feeling a few days on at your higher dose of 25mg.
My main symptoms kicked off last year when I split from my long term partner, my anxiety shot through the roof and my thoughts went with it. Fear of doing something stupid to myself or others, not wanting to be alone, not wanting a bath in case I drowned myself, wondering whats the point if it all. I never had thought of suicide, but in fact a fear of it - sounds ridiculous but it is very frightening as you will know. I tried to say to myself, 'you are not your thoughts' and 'pay them no mind'. Once I started to feel a little better on the meds, if a thought came in I delved further into the thought making it less scary, and looking at it for what it was.
I am exactly like you in the fact that I am confident enough and love chatting on to people but my panic disorder and then these mad thoughts really knocked my confidence and esteem and then you fear putting yourself into situations becasue you are fearing these symptoms happening in company - as my Dad says ( who also suffers from anxiety/bad nerves) we are not wired up right lol, but who is?:shrug: ha ha
purplepie x

09-09-12, 21:35
Hi Purplepie
I can relate to your ocd.Mine is the same to some degree but different at the same time.As i push everyone away and try to make everywhere safe so basically putting myself in a padded cell so as i cant hurt anyone and lastly myself.Horrendous.I am defo on the mend and have made a few life changes for the better which where aggravating my pure o.Clomipramine works great for me sometimes think its not going to work this time around.My OCD is always there but when i am relaxed i can take no notice of it until it evaporates but something inside starts checking to see if its around in my head, I dont know if that makes sense to you.Years ago i had no one to tell and as the years have gone on i have had several episodes of ocd. The one before this being the worst lasting 7 months of pure hell but clomipramine sorted it within 4 weeks.
This time i had a really bad nightmare with a clown in (lol) but it was so vivid and he told me he was waitng for me in hell.Wierd eh but cuz i was so stressed it knocked me for 6.Once the meds kick in i will probably be laughing to myself thinking you big baby lol.
"i know its not me its just my ocd" helps me get through the day but when your repeating it in your head and tryin to have a conversation to someone at the same time gets very tiring.Also look out for your ocd saying "what if " .Any question in my brain that says what if is my ocd trying to trick me.Also prayin to god for it to stop doesnt work either but i always go with the attitude that god loves a tryer and " god helps those who help themselves"
i will try and get to 35mg of clomipramine as this helps bring my symptoms under control but the next bits up to me and this is probably the 4th time ive had to do it .
Mine was a relationship split up and my dad dieing at the same time and me being a single father who keeps a job down found it to much and my anxiety went through the roof .I was seeing things that wernt there but i knew they where in the eye of my mind.
Sos for being a bit heavy but hopefully we will crack this and both not need to come on here to write this and join the norms in the real world very soon.
the bit about suicide and not having a bath that sounds like guilt , you probably feel guillty about something and thats just a feeling and its as bad as wanting to die.This passes and you will learn to live with some guilt until it doesnt bother you no more and you will move on to your next chapter.
Anyhow thanks for being there and speak soon :winks:

12-09-12, 08:23
I have increased my dose to 35mg as I know this was the dose I got up to last time and got a full recovery. I think 2-4 weeks at this and see if I can pull myself out of this black hole.Purplepie are you feeling better matey ? :)

13-09-12, 22:27
I have just logged onto here after months away as my general anxiety has now morphed into OCD and intrusive thoughts about harming my child or myself. I felt like crying when I read both your posts as you have both had all of my silly horrible thoughts (I say silly, when in fact to me they seem very real).

I have been having CBT but, after a recent stressful event, now feel that I am struggling to control it. Tonight I told my husband that I felt that I needed some medication and he exploded saying he's fed up of having the odd depressive evening, so I obviously no longer have him to turn to.

Think I will have to ask my doctor about this Clomipramine, as I had a nasty reaction to Cytolopram, so have been facing up to all of this with CBT and nutritional advice alone.

It's good to know that somebody out there somewhere might know how I'm feeling, but at the same time wouldn't wish this on anyone. Still not sure if I shouldnt be checking into the local asylum...!

14-09-12, 09:19
Hi Nikibee
yes sounds like you have the same (pure o) you wouldnt wish it on your enemy.Clomipramine is very good for it but the catch is you have to find the right dose and stick with it .And as you go up in dose you have more side affects.It is basically how your depression manifests.As you feel in a trap of repetitive horrible thoughts that trigger anxiety night and day.The clomipramine helps your chemical balance until you feel stable again ,which takes sometime.Ask your docter about it if you think it may be for you.I couldnt take the side effects off the ssri's as they made me worse.clomipramine was a life saver for me 5 years ago didnt think i was going to get through it but did.And went onto have 5 years ocd free. Just that i try not to drink when stressed out as it stops the meds from working.This time ended up in brighton on a alldayer and by the following weekend had a full ocd episode which i couldnt seem to shake off.No one understands except yourself and other sufferers.
You have to keep pushing yourself through each day finding distractions and doing good along the way till you pick up your confidence once more and see that the horrid thoughts have evaporated and are the result of too much television viewing
and being stressed out at the same time.Im on day 3 of 35mg and hopefully should see some improvement by day 14 once you start to see the improvements well its basically leaps and bounds towards freedom.But being an ocd sufferer theres always that " WHAT IF" (that is ocd) it doesnt work.And the one thing you will notice on the replies is that once someone gets a result on there meds they very rarely come back to say its working as they have joined the norms in the real world.
The thing is you wouldnt harm anyone but the thought bothers you that much that it is the onlything you can think of and you try to find answers to it when there isnt any answers its the fact your chemicals in your brain are not quite right yet and meds help but the
you have to help yourself too by carrying on.
Best regards bobbbyone :winks:

14-09-12, 14:02
Thanks bobbbyone!

I've just been to see my doctor and he's prescribed a very low dose Escytolopram, which he has only given me seven tablets of, as I didn't carry on with the cytolopram last time, and I think he'll up the dose in a week if I have taken them. Very worried, as he said that the thoughts and anxiety 'may sharpen' for a few weeks. Is Clomipramine not a SSRI? Might ask him about them next week if I am not happy with what he's prescribed. Was a blubbering wreck in his room this morning so had to leave everything to him.

I'm getting CBT, which is usually helpful, but does not work if I am too stressed, so trying to work on that as well.

Hopefully something will work soon, as I'm not getting very much out of life at the moment. Could be doing a lot more with it! :unsure:

14-09-12, 20:47
Hey Bobbyone and Nikkibee, Sorry it's taken so long to respond, I have been bit busy with this and that. I have been on 40mg for three weeks now and 5 weeks on clomipramine altogether and I am starting to feel much better, it's a long road to recovery but I feel as stable as I can right now. How are you feling on your 35mg bobbyone?
I agree with all you have said to Nikkibee, the thoughts are really frightening but it is because they seem so vile that you wouldn't do them, if you were going to do any of those things you would do them without fearing them - it is the fear of the thought that keeps it going. I remember going to a drop in self help group and telling them I was scared of doing something stupid to myself and the girl who had suffered with anxiety for a long long time said, if you were seriously thinking of killing yourself, you would just go and do it, you wouldn't be going around telling people you were scared of doing it. This put my mind at reast slightly and I could see the thought for what it was, but it is still very frightening even if you understand it.

Nikkibee, I agree with you that CBT is only good so far and if you are in the throws of an attack, then all rationality goes out of the window.
I am like bobbyone, I cannot tolerate ssri's, they make me feel terrible, after coming off 4 weeks of prozac with horrendous retching, runs, nausea, anxiety at an extreme, clomipramine was a God send and even after a week I was feeling a little bit better. Ecitalopram is just a slightly different version of citalopram, the doctor told me that if citalopram didn't really work then ecitalopram isn't really likely to either, hence the reason for trying prozac. As Bobbyone says, the higher you go on the meds, the worse the side effects, so you need to find something where the side effects are bearable to the dose you are on and you are feeling better all at the same time - as you can imagine this can take a while.

Just so you both know, my side effects of 40mg of clomipramine are:-
Constipation - quite severe ( taking lactolose for it)
No Orgasm - very frustrating as my desire is still there!! Too much info? lol
Some slight flushing on face and arms especially when period due (but not as bad as when I was on lofepramine)
Slightly raised heartbeat ( nowhere near the 100-125 bpm on lofepramine) which doesn't really bother me
My sleep is disturbed, I go to sleep and 3 hours later I wake for a wee and then after another few hours another wee ( 2 - 4 times per night) so I never feel tht I get a lovely full night sleep. This is much better than the not sleeping at all when my mind has racing thoughts with anxiety.

I would like to get to a point like bobbyone where I can take a lower dose and be stable and maybe have a nice orgasm lol:D

I had my first psychiatric assesment with the nurse at hospital yesterday and she has put me forward for counselling and a med review with a consultant psychiatrist. I will keep you posted.

Sorry for long post but it's good to talk with people who know how it feels - hugs to you both.:hugs:

15-09-12, 08:09
I am on day 4 at 35mg and as you say keep waking up every couple of hours for the toilet.woke up last night with a kids song repeating in my head.felt my Adrenalin kicking I but was able to switch it off.just hope I can get used to this dosage. Did a lot yesterday in and out of the house made feel a bit normal just hope in a couple of weeks will be ready to face work.did you feel this way at the start of your higher dosage purplepie?
As for side effects boiled sweets for the dry mouth.As for constipation high fibre in your diet and loads of orange juice.The sex bit will come back once your body becomes used to your dosage.And as purplepie says you can lower your dosage as you become more stable.
so do you definitely feel better and by which week did you start to feel like lifes worth living purplepie ?

---------- Post added at 08:09 ---------- Previous post was at 08:04 ----------

:hugs:Oh yeah sorry hugs to you both.
Bobbbyone x

15-09-12, 09:40
Hi Bobbyone and Purplepie!

Thanks for the lengthy replies and support. Years ago I read the Linden method, and it prohibited me from discussing my problem with anybody else. But is it really that bad to seek out others with similar issues. It definitely helps me to find other people who have been having the same exact thoughts as me, and I now feel much better in the knowledge. Before, I kept questioning whether I did in fact have OCD at all, and that maybe I had some much more sinister mental health issues, and that I may one day act upon what I felt were sometimes like urges. but I suppose the accompanying guilt and worry is what singles it out as nothing more than intrusive worrying thoughts.

It's also good to have people to discuss it with, as my husband seems to struggle taking to me about it, and seems to turn it around to be all about him, and how upset he feels about all of this!

At least the anorgasm and problems with sex will hopefully fade when you come off the Clomipramine. After 5 years of being with my husband, wish his desire would take nosedive! Lol!

Still scared to try the Escitalopram. Reading about it on here does not inspire me with the confidence to take a leap. Will re-read my OCD booklets, and another book I have found very useful in The Worry Cure. A lot of the chapters in there apply to me. I was hating a lot of other people for how I thought they were judging me all of the time, but the book has made me realise that it was my own judgement, not theirs that was the problem. Will try and make an effort to reconnect and maybe even make some new friends. My little boy has just started school, so there may be opportunities to 'get out more'. Working from home has turned me into a bit of a hermit, socially anxious and mistrusting and paranoid of just about everyone.

Purplepie, hope that your consultant psychiatrist gets you some free CBT. We're paying 150 for a 1 hour session, and my CBT therapist says that I will need at least ten sessions. The expense comes with living on a small island, I suppose. The good news is that I find the sessions very helpful. The techniques I have learnt are brilliant for banishing the intrusive thoughts when my stress levels aren't too high, Bobbbyone.

My therapist has also suggested anything to relax me like meditation (thought that that was just for hippies!), mindfulness (living in the moment, not dwelling on events in the past, or worrying what may happen in the future), massage (bliss!), pranayama (excellent if you can get past the annoying American man's voice on the iPad app), and taking long relaxing baths (still convinced that I may act on the urge to drown oneself -lol!).

Once again, thanks for your kind, supportive posts.

Think I'm going to try some amino acid and B-vitamin complexes along with Omega oils instead of the Escitalopram for now. Have even chickened out on taking the St John's Wort that a friend kindly recommended to me - I am a total wimp!

Happy thoughts to you both!

Niki :D

At least the lac

15-09-12, 12:25
Day 4 a real bummer headache and anxiety through the roof.Where you the same purplepie just after reasurrance finding it hard going to say the least ! :weep:
Day 5 anxiety really high just want to be well again.got to keep going :(

19-09-12, 20:07
Hey bobbyone, I have been away for a couple of days, so apologies for late reply. How are you getting on with your 35mg?

I have been ok, not great and I have felt on edge today. Thoughts haven't bothered me though which is good.

I know that feeling of just wanting to be well. I thought after a year on lofepramine that I would be ok and three weeks later it was bump, back to square one. That's what frightens me the most - will I always need the meds.

Anxiety, headaches and a multitude of other things can be your initial start up side effects, so stick with it and see how you get on. I am on week 6 now and the side effects have levelled off a bit.

Keep posting as its good to monitor how you are getting on. Each med is different, but for me it's nice to talk to someone who is on the same med. So many people take ssri's but I think there is a lot to be said for trying a tricyclic like ours.


20-09-12, 07:06
Hi purplepie
yes I supose it is the initial start up have done 1 week on 35mg and the anxiety is sky high in a morning.as I wake about 5 and feel like I've lost the plot .but yesterdayhad a feeling of being okay for an hour but then went out to do some shopping and felt anxiety start again.got to go to docs today and ask for time off from work.they are going to love me.been off two weeks.havnt had any time off in 5 years though.going to ask doc if I should take tabs at night time.is then when you take yours ?
Hope your feeling better ?:)

20-09-12, 13:29
Hi purplepie
my docs upped dose to 50mg at bedtime.He is such a good docter and i am lucky to have him on my side.Also increased seroquel to max 4 a day if needed just to get me over the intial uppage of dose.Just got to watch the weight gain or ill be wearing jogging bottoms before i know it.lol.
feel a slightly bit better thoughts still there but feel im heading in the right direction.Also signed me off for a month.People think your enjoying yourself on holiday (swinging the lead ) but i would much rather be in work earning some cash.Doctor said i must be alergic to alchol or even scared of it.As this is how my mind ends upping getting all sore and morbid.I hope i get to put a success story on here and maybe keep my eye out for people in the same perdicament who need advice when im better.
Yes it does help as ive read your thread probably twice a day hoping you get better.And then me next lol.Anyway got a month of no pressure and all the bills are paid and its payday next week so hopefully can try and get a routine to finding my way out of this glitch.
friendly hugs to my (not right in the head YET ) friend :hugs:

22-09-12, 16:38
Hi bobbyone, I am not feeling too bad but my anxiety on going out and doing new things is still there. I went to a college open day today and enrolled on some short courses to try to get me back into a routine, I was fine while I was there, I then went to pick up my Mum to call to the Next sale and I was ok for 10 mins and then went really hot and got a tight chest and felt a bit spaced out and panicky - I got through it but feel a bit drained, on edge and deflated now. I start to feel so positive and then something happens to set me back!! :weep:

How are you getting on with the 50mg, I am so scared to go up becasue of the side effects, yet I don't know if the 40 is enough? My sleep has settled a little bit - how's yours? A good Doc is hard to find, mine , like yours has been great. I haven't worked now for 2 years and it is so frustrating but i just don't feel well enough. I was made redundant in Dec 2009 and because I felt so bad, I became the carer for my Sister, really to give me a break from having to sign on as there was no way I was fit for work. It was supposed to be short term and here I am still not right. You take as much time as you need, I know you will feel guilty for being off because I still do now, but going back to work when you are not well will do you no favours. You wouldn't go in if you had pneumonia, or something physical so why should your mental health be any different. I know people will think your swinging the lead, i used to be one of those people before all this happened to me, now I know what it's like and believe me, you wouldn't wish it on anyone - don't beat yourself up, it is an illness like any other.

Alcohol doesn't do me any favours really, doesn't make me feel any better anyway and usually makes me feel more anxious. I think it affects people prone to anxiety much quicker then others. I do like a cold lager on a summer day though ha ha.

Take care and speak soon.
from your shaky, not right in the head, waiting on a psychiatrist appointment friend! :)

23-09-12, 21:38
Hi purplepie
. . . so far so good on 50mg muscle spasms in legs and arms , pins and needles in my head oh and body jolts in my sleep which wakes me.Side effects galore but getting used to them.hopefully they will subside and I will get to normality.
i know I won't go back to work till im 75% better the other 25% I will get from being in work I hope.
ah bless looking after your sister takes a good person to care for someone.As for the panic attack your always goin to get them its normal as long as you know its that.Still got intrusive thoughts but hopefully they will go.
hope your set back doesn't stop you getting a full recovery.
Best regards bobbbyone :)

26-09-12, 11:21
How's it going bby1? I have had a virus this week and it's made me feel really low and I seem to be thinking what I can't do anymore rather than what I can. I started college on a 15 week into to counselling this week, which is a big step for me. I am hoping it will help me help others in the future.
I am still on 40mg and see the doc in a couple of weeks for an update.
Even thoough I am the carer for my Sister, I need to get my own life together anad I wold love to be back at work at least part time, but I seem to feel so guilty when I take a stance for my own well being - this is probably why I am ill in the first place!! :unsure:. I am hoping my college courses lead to something productive.
I am on 6 weeks of clomipramine today - where are you upto?

26-09-12, 12:30
Hi Ppie (purplepie not porkpie)lol
Defo going in the right direction with 50mg and taking 50mg of seroquel which helps me sleep and gives me an appeatite as i find food not very appealing when im like this.Starting to get some energy now and less ruminating and thinking about what i can do.So hopefully this will keep going in the right direction and i can think about going to work again.Ive done 2 weeks at 20mg 1week at 35mg and 5 days at 50mg.Doc says i may have to go to 60mg basically 50mg at bedtime and ten in the day at some point.Still not out the woods yet but do feel a bit more positive.
Did you know a virus stops your meds from working ive had it happen to me a couple of times but as soon as youve shook the virus off they come back full force like a boost to the brain and you will feel better.
Defo a step in the right direction to normal ville taking a college course it will keep you busy and is pro active.Also you have to make a stand against anxiety as it will rule your life so i think you will have to stop feeling guilty and go with the flow.But take your time.
:hugs:bby1 x

01-10-12, 20:29
Hey BBy1, Porkpie here, or I will be if I keep on eating on these tabs, I am only little so any extra weight just makes me look like an umpa lumpa lol. Just wondering how you are getting on. My thoughts are ok, I am still having momnets of anxiousness especially around otheres, ie college, but it's early days and everyone on my course seems nice.
The virus is going, so I am feeling a little better.
My main things at the moment are not great sleep, apparently clomip stops you going properly into the REM sleep that we need, I wake every three to four hours for a wee - v frustrating. My constipation is adding to the umpa lumpa look and laxatives/bulking agents just make me feel sick and even more bloated.
I still feel a bit crap in a morning, oh yeah and my urine has a very strange medicinal smell - I will check this out with the doc when I see him next week.
Wish I didn't need the tabs at all, but they are the best ones I have taken up to now.
What have you been upto with your time off work?
Bye for now :)

04-10-12, 08:01
Hi ppie
docs got me on 75mgs.Second day on them.Feel full of energy so im going to get on my bike and do a few miles.i supose im going to get more anxiety at the start of this increase in dosage.i feel as though there working but need to feel confident with this increase or may have to drop dose as I don't want to feel to high.but last night had good thoughts about returning to work.Just want to feel stable again.;)
Best regards bobbbyone

09-10-12, 14:23
Hi bobbyone, how are you getting on with the 75mg? I am still on 40 and see the doctor this afternoon. I have felt a bit low this week and a couple of thoughts have crept in, but it is the pmt week which never helps. I don't really want to go higher as the side effects are rubbish.
Have you had any side effects on yours?
Ppie :wacko:

10-10-12, 16:37
Yes loads ppie ,anxiety and constapation and still got thoughts hopefully they will all die down.Have you tried seroquel really good for sleep and chilling you out when needed.Takes the edge of everything.But makes you Hungary at first till you get used to them.There really mild and at a low dose make you sleep lovely.
Best regards Bbbby1:hugs:

15-10-12, 17:22
Hi Bbbbbbbby1, I haven't tried seroquel, I was prescribed it a year or so ago when I wasn't sleeping but didn't take it as I really don't like taking any medication if I can help it. I do sleep better now but find I just seem to go to sleep and then wake a couple of times a night and feel quite tense in a morning as if I waking from a drug induced stipour - not nice. I went to Docs who confirmed a water infection and so I am on a week of anti biotics. I have gone done 5mg to 35mg and I will go up to 45mg the week before my period to see if it helps the hormonal lows.
I haven't felt good this week really, few thoughts and feeling low with no motivation, not sure if it is with taking the anti biotics for this infection or the feeling that the wweather is feeling really wintery now - a cmbination of a few things I suppose. I really would like a small part time job but feel so inconsistant all the time to hold down regular hours.
How are you feeling?
PPPpppppie :hugs:

18-10-12, 22:04
I am feeling a lot better start back to work Monday. So wish me luck.Seroqeul really good don't be afraid as they really help IMO.Once you've got out of rut just knock meds on the head
There just like stabilizers on a bike till you get used to riding bike again ;) x

18-10-12, 22:49
Hi Bobbyone. I suffered from constant, repetitive, horrible thoughts for many years. They were in my head 24/7. After trying various SSRIs which did not help me at all I was put on cloripirmine but told I would have to take a very high dose for it to be effective. I very slowly increased my dose until I was taking the maximum. I had no side effects at all and taking the drugs combined with therapy I made a full recovery. I had to stay on the drugs for two or more years, but when I decided to come off them, I did it very slowly over a long period of time and suffered no withdrawal symptoms. I was put on this particular drug because I was told it was very effective for people who suffered from intrusive thoughts.

19-10-12, 19:46
Hi Bby1, I am glad you are feeling well enough to go back to work. I have managed to secure my self a small part time job just cleaning, a couple of hours a morning. It's a long way from what I used to do but its a start. I am really nervous for tomorrow, more so because I don't want to feel weird in work and it has been so long since I did anything regularly. I am hoping it will be a start on the road to recovery. I start tomorrow! Good luck to you for Monday, keep me posted how you go.
Hi Harley - what mg were you on, I seem to be really sensitive to meds and even at 40 mg I am having bad constipation - I just never feel like going to the toilet, waking in the night and feeling quite groggy in a morning. The thoughts seem to come more at my hormonal time so doc has said to go up a week before, not sure if this will do the trick. He wasn't really wanting me to go higher.
On top of the thoughts, I am so nervous/anxious about doing anything with people even though years ago this was never an issue. I some times feel like I will never get to a stable calm relaxed place where I can jsut be me, I always seem to be on guard.
Thanks for joining our conversation, it's good to have other peoples' points of view.

20-10-12, 10:05
Hi ppie and harley
ppie i had to do the same thing 1o years ago start at the bottom and work my way up.And as i worked my way up realised that i am good at what i do from cleaning to using a computer for my job now and found i probably get more respect than my bosses as i can adapt or relate to all walks of life , it will make you stronger as the months years go on.Youll see xxx
Thanks Harley ive been on clomi for years now and have to adjust dosage as when needed as my depression manifests itself as intrusive have done cbt in the past and it was great a bit wierd like telling some one your deepest fears and them telling you its normal to feel like this , but it works and i have beaten this pure o (ocd with no compulsions)several times.So i am feeling 60% better than what i did so HOPEFULLY the other 20% will come from work and i can live with being 80% normal.And when i forget about my illness i will know im 100% and find something else to worry about (lol).
Side effects are mostly gone now the worst being the anxiety of the clomi not working but it seemed to click in last week luckily.And if need be have plenty of room to increase from 75mg or decrease as ocd receeds.
Seroquel great for just taking edge off everything and easy to stop taking once things have settled down in my life.
SSRIs good for some people but like yourself and ppie no good to me as they act only on serotonin and can make my ocd 20 times worse before it gets better.As for clomipramine i always feel like its fixing several things in my brain chemistry which once they get fixed which fixs the next thing which fixs the next thing etc.... and i become myself nice and chilled with plenty of time for other people.
So will keep you updated on my first week back at work .
Oh and PPIE dont worry your orgasms will come back i promise .LOL (good job we all dont know each other haha )
Thanks Harley as positive input is what helps people more than someone moaning about meds that dont work and they never give them time.I know its a lottery when finding the right meds but you must work with your docter to go through the healing process rather than against him as he is only guessing how you feel but at the same time is monitoring your recovery.
Good luck porkpie i will be checking in on you this week. xxx :)

26-10-12, 17:10
Hi ppie
hope all is well in clomi land.Have done 1 week back at work which is always the worst when youve been off for weeks.I have accepted its an uphill struggle at the start but i have my stabillizers on and will take each day as it comes.Found my pure 'O' was always there taunting me when i was alone but when i was amoung lots of people i was distracted to the point of feeling like i was functioning normally.Which is a good thing.So onwards and upwards to peace of mind which is my goal to reach by the end of this year i hope.Anyways time for a nice bath followed by some yummy food lol.This is a good as it gets for the moment.Hope your doing ok in college matey.:) x

31-10-12, 12:01
Hi BBY1, I am ok at the moment, working my little job, I have been there since 20th Oct and so far so good. A few blips. I have been so tired though, I think this is because I am getting up much earlier rather than pulling my self off the mattress at 10ish. My orgasms ahem... are on the return although this could be that I am on 35mg not 40mg. My pre menstrual week still makes my thoughts worse and my mood low and my health suffer but I suppose I gotta give myself a break after years of stress and anxiousness.
The clocks going back and the cold weather makes me just wanna put on my pj's as soon as I get in as I hate winter but hey ho, I can catch up on my rest.
College is good, I enjoy it. Everything is still done with some background thoughts of 'do I feel alright'

How are you getting on?

31-10-12, 18:53
Hi matey
. . . . . I feel exactley the same couldnt of put it better myself.like the thoughts are in the background and pop foward after something triggers them .but they only go into the background when you are distracted. Keep strong and I will too and lets hope we can beat it.
latas bbbby1;)

04-11-12, 13:08
Hopefully this will be my last entry as I feel as though I have to get on and live my life once again and try and forget my ocd as the clomipramine is working well.my advice once you get into a good routine is to accept the bad days and latch on to the good days and try not to ever give in.And always follow your docters instructions good or bad.As he will guide you to as good as it gets.Good luck porkpie.xxx ;)