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imported_n/a
31-05-04, 21:58
i am finding it increasingly difficult to cope with all this anxiety and slight agraphobia,,
as you are all probably aware mum has just come out of the hospital for a knee replacement,,
she is ok and no real problems with her knee although tonite i went round to look after her for the evening and she was having some bowel discomfort ,,so i called the dr for her and they said she would have to go and see the dr ,,big big problem for me the doctors place is only around 2-1/2 miles from my home but ahhhhhhh i said i CANT take you and she said i would have to,,,
well i made all the excuses they was available ,,,like well they shouldnt expect you to go all that way when you have just had a knee op and you cant walk and ? and? i guess you all know the excuses,,,
but you see there sould be no excuse for your mum surely?????????????????

so anyways i did the best i could to get out of going and called the pharmasist for some advice knowing i could get there,,he was great and said come in and i will give you something for your mum,,so i did and everythings fine,,,


but the bottom line is i SHOULD have been able to go to the doctors with her ,,i mean she has looked after me all her life and been there for me ,,,WHY CANT I DO THE SAME FOR HER???????????????

i cant beleive how scared i was just at the thought of haveing to go ,,,


sorry for waffleing on really needed to get this off my chest as i feel such a failure at the minute for letting the panic beat me once again!!!!will it ever end????

thanks guys ,

xxxdarrenxxx


WHY DO WE LET THIS ANXIETY RULE OUR LIVES THATS WHAT I DONT UNDERSTAND???????? [:X] ""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""

blossom
31-05-04, 22:23
Darren, You have done really well, I was in the same boat as you when my son was small, he was not well, and I rang the doctor, and he told me to come to the surgery for a prescription for him, but I could no way go, he knew I suffered from agoraphobia, and still insisted that I had to collect it, but even though my son in my idol, I had to pay the lady next door some money to go for me, I was too afraid to go, so I know what you are feeling,
I ask myself the same question, WHY WHY I can understand you, but the doctors just do not understand, they make me sick at times, anything to get out of it themselves, dont reproach yourself, he had no right expecting your Mum to go after just coming out of hospital after an operation anyway, think of it, he is at fault, no one understands unless they have had the anxiety themselves.
You did great getting to the chemist. Bless you Darren, Dont blame yourself, you have explained your position to your Mum, so I feel sure she understands. Bless you Blossom

imported_n/a
31-05-04, 22:30
HI BLOSS ,,
THANKS FOR YOUR KIND WORDS ,,it is so difficult at the moment,,i do truly think i am loseing the battle ,,,but hey with a site like this and all you lovely people how can i,,

thanks bloss,,

xxxxdarrenxxx

""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""

Meg
31-05-04, 22:39
Darren,

The fear was 2 fold . Firstly the distance on an unfamiliar route secondly being responsible for Mum and being asked to take her somewhere which is additioanl pressure.

My understanding on your progress is that you did really exceptionally well and actually got to the hospital . Then on the day you were to actually visit you had a difficult journey - for reasonable reasons- and didn't get there but since then haven't really done much with it and have felt quite low. Is that right ?

It is reasonable therefore that your confidence is low and that you are extra nervous of going shorter unfamiliar distances than a week ago.

The way through this is do get on your bike and continue your evening trips out - various directions - various distances .

Don't always plan to 'beat your record' but do as it feels .
If you stop doing them , your boundaries may close in again.






Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

imported_n/a
31-05-04, 22:46
hey hi meg,,

thanks so much that does make alot of sense ,,its just so difficult living on your own,,hey i am not after sympathy for that i do prefer it that way ,,,

meg you should get paid for your advice its great and really helps,,

everything you said there was correct,,

thank you so much meg,,


xxxxdarrenxxxx

""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""

Meg
31-05-04, 22:57
I do agree Darren.
Living on your own and not having live in support and someone to push, encourage and bolster you does make it harder but it is not unobtainable at all. The fact you kept it quiet so long too makes it a more individual thing too.

We will all support you each day for as long as it takes, but you have to do the getting on the bike/car/walk.

I am happy to come up to Hull to visit you if you think it would help-(no charge) but you have already proved you can do it- which is more than half the battle -but you need to keep doing it and doing it and doing it ad nauseum .... so I know you can be fine .


Doing it once only will not convince your innards that it's fine.






Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

benoo5
01-06-04, 00:07
hi darren,your mothers just out of hospital,having had general anaesthetic,which can often lead to bowel problems,but your doctor should have made a house call,its well known in the NHS,that GPS,want more money,for doing less,and its people like your mother that suffer!

youve done so well lately,with your agoraphobia,and its obviously taken a lot out of you emotionally,so i would suggest you start,with..LITTLE STEPS..take one day at a time,and do a little more each day...remember,just going 20yards more today,than yesterday,is a success...think of this my friend,you cant run a marathon,if you dont take the first step!

best wishes darren......bryan.

stimpy
01-06-04, 00:45
Darren you have done ever so well lately.
Don't keep beating yourself up.

Everyone has phases of not being able to understand what is wrong with them, I think it is all part of the disorder. It it takes a lot of getting your head around the fact that you have been chosen by some higher force to suffer this dreadful anxiety problem.

I have to agree with Bryan, the doctor should have come out to see your mum. I personally would have said I was agrophobic and couldn't get her to a doctor, see if that would have got a bit more help out of them.

Hang in there, things will get better, but it takes time and a lot of practice.

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

lilac kitten
01-06-04, 12:17
Darren,

I think you're coping really well. Yes things will be difficult at times, but you coped fantastically given the circumstances.

My father (god rest his soul) never understood my panics and anxieties, but he always gave me really good advice, he made me feel I could do anything. He knew the right words to say. He couldn't convince me to drive on my own down a long motorway though!!

We have a saying at work that you are more productive doing what you can do now, than taking loads of time to do what you can't and not getting the doable done first. I think thats self explanitory and it works in life as well. Build on what you can do now and don't waste any more time worrying about the impossible for now. By building on your strengths you will overcome the impossible. Life will throw you little challenges from time to time, and the best way to cope is to sit down and work out how best you can solve that challenge given your goalposts. This is exactly what you did the other night - so you see there is nothing wrong in what you did and how you did it, and you were there for your mother helping her.

So good for you, hope you and your mum are feeling a little better today.

Ruth
x

sweetwater
01-06-04, 12:29
just take little steps darren...one at a time...

imported_n/a
01-06-04, 18:47
hey meg,,
thanks as always,,,everything you say is right,
,and as from tomorow i will be going on my travels again,,each day;
thanks for the offer of a visit meg,,,

xxxdarrenxxx

""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""

imported_n/a
01-06-04, 19:01
hey bryan,,hey you are right about the dr thing but we all know what they are like esspecially me and the help i never got!!!

little steps bryan i know but i am so impatient i want to go and do things and go places now,,i think that is half my proplem just too impatient,,

but the little steps thing ,,i know all too well cause when i was on my trips to try and get to the hospital ,,i got so far one nite and then the next nite i would pass that spot and not really think about it ,,until one nite i got there and thought to myself as i passed all the points i had gotten to the previous evenings,,this is quite easy,,,

so small steps bryan

cheers ,,darren

""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""

imported_n/a
01-06-04, 19:08
hi liz,,,

i cant help but beat myself up about it cause i feel as though i am a failure each time i have a bad day,,,i wish the higher force could have given me some other dissability some that was visible or i could understand ,,a physical thing ,,,
i am gonna hang in there liz,,but without this site i honestly dont know where i would have been,,,

the best grand i ever spent this computer ,,i only bought it thinking i could get help on the internet ,,and i have found the best site on the internet ,,this one,,

thanks liz
xxxdarrenxxx

""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""

imported_n/a
01-06-04, 19:14
hey hi there ruth,,

thank you for your post,,the things you said there made alot of sense,,your father sounded like a great guyx
mum seems to be doing fine and i have been there all day and have actually enjoyed looking after her,,,
and its giving us a chance to get quite close and she is starting to ask questions about my condition which is a good thing,,,

thanks ruth

hope you ahd a good day,,

xxxdarrenxxx

""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""

imported_n/a
01-06-04, 19:16
hey hi swee****er,,,

short sweet and staight to the point ,,thanks for your post,,i liked it,,

xxxdarrenxxx

""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""

imported_n/a
01-06-04, 19:19
hey i am back already,,

sorry i forgot to mention,,

i have my first session with the telephone recovery group this evening ,,and it lasts for 16 weeks one a week so i am looking forward to that,,,

thanks again for your posts ,xxxdarrenxxxx

""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""

nomorepanic
01-06-04, 19:35
Darren

Good luck for tonight. At least you have Vern there as well eh?

Let us know how it goes and don't forget to plug this site - lol

Nicola

imported_n/a
01-06-04, 20:08
hi nic ,,
hey thanks ,,
i had already thought of mentioning the site sevaral times,,
ok nic,,

thanks,,

xxxxdarrenxxx

""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""

vwestwood
01-06-04, 20:53
Darren
How does one go about getting on to a telephone recovery group. I am interested for my son who suffers with panic attacks and agorophobia
Vilma

nomorepanic
01-06-04, 21:20
Vilma

We are members of a charity called "No Panic" and they arrange it. It costs about £10 a year and the telephone recovery is free but you have to pay the call charges.

Check out their website at ..... www.nopanic.org.uk

Nicola

imported_n/a
01-06-04, 21:37
hi guys,,

thought i would let you know how thr tele rec group went,,,

well i am already looking forward to the next one brilliant,,,

p,s,,nic i did plug the site ok lol,,,

please send check in post lol,,,

xxxdarrenxxx

""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""

nomorepanic
01-06-04, 21:40
Nice on Darren!

Was Vern ok too?

Oh did you Darren - did they mind lol?

I will pay you in kind lol

xx

Nicola

sarah
01-06-04, 21:41
Hiya Darren

Glad it went good for you!
What sort of things do they do?

love Sarah
xx

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

imported_n/a
01-06-04, 21:42
WOW nic ,,,in kind when and where i am sure that would cure my agraphobia,,hey what a treat to look forward to.,,,


hee hee hee nice 1 nic,,

xxxdarrenxx

""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""

Meg
01-06-04, 21:42
So what did you learn tonight ?

Meg

imported_n/a
01-06-04, 21:46
hey sarah,,,

it was really really good,,

the lady who was our group leader was called sheila and she had total agraphobia for 20 years yeah 20 years,,
and now she has passed her driving test and can go out anywhere,,

the other people were nice ,,it actually lasts for 14 weeks ,,

tonite we were just sort of intoducing ourselves and just getting to know about the course ,,but if you would like sarah i can post each week let you know ,,ok,,

xxxdarrenxxx

""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""

imported_n/a
01-06-04, 21:51
hi meg,,
i havent really learnt anything cause we were just sort of introducing ourselves and talking about what symptoms we all have indivigually and compareing them which was interesting ,,,

it is really nice to actually talk to someone about it over the phone ,,

hey i will keep you all posted if you like ok,,,thanks meg

xxxdarrenxxx

""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""

nomorepanic
01-06-04, 21:52
Hey Darren

If you can get to Potton then you will be cured - lol!!

Let us know how it goes each week ok?

Nicola

imported_n/a
01-06-04, 21:56
NIC,,,

i am on my way,,,,i wish!!!!!

sure will nicxx

xxxdarrenxxx

""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""

sarah
01-06-04, 22:53
Hiya Darren

Yeah it would be really cool if you wrote a diary. I wrote one when I went on my anxiety course and it was useful I think.
Keep us posted mate
love Sarah
xx

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

stimpy
01-06-04, 23:28
I was taught to write a diary.
Date, Anxiety Rate, How long it lasted, what happened? Where was I? Who was with me? What was I thinking? How did I cope?

Some times it is nice to read back through it and remind yourself how you coped when things got really bad.

Good luck with the telephone group

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

Meg
02-06-04, 14:10
We did quite a bit on chatting about the value of a diary at the beginning of the year and quite a few people started one -
I wonder how many people have kept them up.

I try to do an entry each week and if I have any difficult hurdles coming up I do go back to daily entries. It was so helpful to use it as a bench mark to see progress and blips when everyone was fed up of telling me that I was doing better.


Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

imported_n/a
02-06-04, 22:49
hi ya meg,,,

my councellor said it would be a good idea to do a diary,
so i did and i found it helped,,,but then after a couple of months i got bored!!!
should really start it up again,,
but i have this site now<<

hope you are ok meg,,

""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""



xxxxdarrenxxxx

Meg
02-06-04, 22:55
You don't record everything that you would in a diary of all your whats ifs and triggers etc. A diary would still be beneficial

Did you get out on your bike today ?


Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

imported_n/a
02-06-04, 23:11
hi meg,,

yes i did i had to i am looking after mum,,she cant really get out at the minute cause of her leg ,,

but yeah i have had quite a couple of busy days,,

and me and her are really opening up and i am giving her some reading on the condition its good,,

thanks meg,,

""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""



xxxxdarrenxxxx

seh1980
02-06-04, 23:14
hey Darren,

Please mate-don't beat yourself up about it!! Just sit back, relax and put your feet up and think of all the progress you have made in the last month. A little while ago, your mum didn't even know about your problems! Now that she does, I'm sure she understands you a bit better. Also, you made such an effort to make the trip to the hospital-that was for you and also for your mum.
So you didn't feel up to take your mum to the doctor's...hey, so what? (why didn't the doc come to see her???)but anyway, concentrate on the positive things mate like how much you have achieved, not on what you have failed to do cos after all we all fail to do things but what you achieve is entirely up to YOU!!!
Take care.
Sarah (seh1980) xxx

imported_n/a
03-06-04, 19:44
hey hi sarah..,,

thanks for your post,,your comments are so right sarah,,but how hard is it not to concentrats on the crap days,,
i have had 1 today ,,but hey we take the good with the bad eh,,,

how are you ??/

how was your trip to PARIS???
and where my garlic???
lol,,
cheers sarahxx

""HAPPINESS IS ALWAYS THERE UNDERNEATH THE ANGER AND DESPAIR""



xxxxdarrenxxxx

seh1980
03-06-04, 22:21
hey darren,

Paris was good thanks - I survived!!!!! As for your garlic....um...it's on it's way??? maybe......

Sarah (seh1980) xxx