My Wish

[Iggy131313]

I wish there was some test that could be done to tell if its the cit still making me anxious or not.

Can taking cit give someone an anxiety disorder? I didnt have one before so I dont understand why I have one now.

I have just taken my 30mg for the day so I think thats day 5 on 30mg, I can leave the house now but the anxiety comes with me, in the first 4 weeks when I left the house it was just too much,

If only I knew the right direction to take.

I wish someone could scan my brain and say, oh yes we can see that the cit IS working and the anxiety is yours, or oh yes we can see that the cit is causing this feeling.

the only way to tell is to keep taking it, how long do you think I should give the 30mg to settle?

before starting cit I had not a care in the world, I had 1 fear which was the breathing disorder I once had coming back, had never had a panic attack, never suffered with anxiety or depression.

1 panic attack and I asked for cit and my life crumbled from that day, cant work, cant look after my son, the other night I woke up the house screaming in my sleep.

Im not having panic attacks, just constant raised anxiety levels and the inability to enjoy anything, some days I have the strength to try, other days I cant find the strength.

I certainly never had depression before starting cit and now I cry every day for the life that I lost 2 months ago.

Right now, I feel ok, but as we all know as the day goes on we tend to feel better, I wish every hour of every day away until the evening comes and I know I will be able to relax and not feel that horrible feeling...until the morning.

the anxiety wakes me up, not BANG YOUR AWAKE like in the first 4 or 5 weeks of cit but more like a battle between my body and mind, my body is saying, 'ummm warm comfy bed sleep' and my mind is saying 'anxiety anxiety uncomfy horrible, dread, greif, terror'

I will have to discuss this with the psyc whenever the referal comes through and keep on taking the 30 until then, I guess she will either tell me to up the dose or change, but I want to see what Im like med free before I try anything else.

I feel like there is no way and that the woman I knew dissapeared 8/9 weeks ago.

I wish I could see into the future and see if Im better, if I ever recover from this, all I want is the anxiety to go, thats all, nothing else.

As Ive said its not effected by external factors, I went to the cashpoint and had no money left, not good, but it didnt increase or decrease my anxiety levels, nothing does, it comes and goes regardless of anything.

The only certainty is feeling worst in the mornings and I dread the weekends because my hubby will want a lie in tomorrow which will mean me getting up with my boy and its very VERY hard to cope with doing that whilst feeling the horrid anxiety, but its unfair to expect my hubby to do it all the time.

well all I can do is hope and keep wishing, but deep down I dont think there is any coming back from this, I doubt I will ever work again and I think the best thing for me to do is either move into a bed sit so Im not a burdon on the family or talk to my husband about him veiwing me as a disabled person and trying to understand that the woman he married is gone but I will stay at home if he can understand that I can no longer function as a real human being.

Im very sad today, so sad

[laura442]

All I can say Iggy is the day I stopped taking cit the anxiety stopped bang the next day, I could totally tell the difference as normal anxiety is when I had a though about my health or my heart where as the anxiety on cit was just anxiety when I wasnt worried about anything it was just there ALL THE TIME. Have you thought about pushing for esc anymore ?

[Iggy131313]

Im going back to the drs on tuesday to me MY dr, like you say I know my normal anxiety but this is a new feeling that I have only had since taking cit.

I have been referred to a phyc but god knows when that referal will come through.

when I see my dr on tuesday amd cry and wail at her Im hoping she will let me try it instead, I would try ANYTHING.

How are you now Laura? still up and down?

---------- Post added at 20:36 ---------- Previous post was at 20:35 ----------

oh and i saw you posting about the dreams, I was acctually SCREAMING in my sleep the other night and my hubby had to wake me up and calm me down

[bernie1977]

Oh Iggy I do feel for you as I often feel that sense of hopelessness myself and it's not a nice place to be. I try to tell myself that it will pass and try to concentrate on happier times, easier said than done I know.

I was put on anti depressants after several bereavements in a short space of time. I was on citalopram then venlafaxine, Mirtazipine, trazodone and duloxetine. None of them seemed to work for me, all they did was mask my grief and stopped the grieving process. I have stopped taking anti depressants as they didn't agree with me. They are fantastic for some people and help a lot of people recover but unfortunately they weren't for me, as is the case for others.

While on anti depressants I started with anxiety. I now have panic disorder with agoraphobia. It has made me wonder with what you said if its the anti depressants that have contributed towards this.

Anyway enough about me. When you go and see your Doctor I would ask for emergency intervention from your mental health team, tell the doctor exactly how low you have been feeling. It is not fair for you to be left to suffer and go through all this mental anguish on your own, you really need someone to talk to. If your mental health services are anything like mine you will have to really push and demand help.

Good luck x

[Rocker]

Hi iggy

I agree with What Laura said about the anxiaty when on cit and when not on them is def different
I found the anxiaty on cit would just continue for no reason I still not sure if it was me but it never felt like that for the last 20 years I am trying to come down doses at the moment I was on 30mg now on 15mg I had a bad day today prob because I get bad neck problem and I had that all day as well.

It's so hard to know what to do as everyone is different.
Just for the record I have been on them for 9 months now they did stop the panick attacks

But the weather was nice one good thing.

[laura442]

Hi Iggy,
Ive been on one and a quarter tabs for the last week which is 6/6.5 mgs. I am not up and down anymore. I have been for a family meal and been to the beach most days which I wouldnt have done any of that for the last few years. My mood has definately increased and I am looking forward to things again. The only 2 things im left with is tiredness after 3/4 hours but that only comes with each increase and nightmares and crazy dreams but hopefully they will go. I need to get up to 10mg so hopefully going up to 7.5mg tomorrow. I so WISH you could swap to these. I felt instant relief when switched from cit to these.

[Iggy131313]

Laura, do you still wake up with fear and find it hard to face the day?

[Serenitie]

before starting cit I had not a care in the world, I had 1 fear which was the breathing disorder I once had coming back, had never had a panic attack, never suffered with anxiety or depression.

1 panic attack and I asked for cit and my life crumbled from that day



This is confusing to me. If you didn't have a care in the world, why take citalopram in the first place? You say that you never had a panic attack then you say after 1 panic attack you started medication?

I know from my personal experience and work in a mental health crisis team that issues develop over time and need to be accepted & addressed properly before they are resolved. Medication alone is not the answer. It just gives you the breathing space to work on your issues. Counselling & CBT can help a lot with accepting and addressing the underlying issues which cause anxiety.

I'm concerned that with these threads you are reinforcing your anxiety by going over the same negative circular thinking that fuels anxiety. It creates tension in the body which fuels anxiety, which fuels further tension, and on it goes....

If citalopram are not working by now they may not be right for you, but only you and your GP can decide this.

Instead of focusing on the side effects use this anxious time to try out some coping strategies until you can see your GP. Try one, if it doesn't work, try another until you find what works for you.

I don't say this lightly. I know how difficult side effects are to manage. I have woke after a night of bizarre / disturbing dreams with a fever and upset stomach. My mood is flat, but the sun is shining. So I'm going to sit in the sunshine for an hour in a field on my own and try some yoga to relieve some tension.

Constantly focusing on the negative is as helpful as googling symptoms and side effects. There is only one possible outcome - heightened anxiety, fear and hopelessness. All of your energy right now is focused on anxiety. If you shift the focus to coping strategies you at least have a chance of a positive outcome.

[Iggy131313]

Yes, I started meds after 1 panic attack.

as I said 4 years ago I had a breathing disorder, I had tons of medical tests and they couldnt find anything wrong so the dr decided it was anxiety and put me on cit.

It wasnt until a month later I saw an expert in breathing who saw what my problem was and gave me a diagnoses of chronic hyperventilation syndrome associated with untreated asthma. I had to retrain my body to breath properly.

But by then I was on the cit so just kept taking them although I knew I didnt need them but I was sloppy with them, Id leave them 5 days and only take one when I got head zaps, after a while I stopped with no problem, didnt even give it a second thought.

obviously during the time I was having medical tests and people were telling me there was nothing wrong with my lungs etc it was very distressing as the condition I had kept on triggering the bodys natural suffocation warning and I would feel like I was suffocating, it took 4 months of breathing exercises to correct the issue.

I never forgot the trauma I went through during that time but I didnt think about it much over the past years.

Then 9 weeks ago I ran up the stairs and had a mini asthma attack, that brought on a panic attack because it reminded me so much of the breathing disorder.

the next day I went to the drs and asked for cit, the dr saw I had been on it before and gave it to me.

then this happened.

your right about me going over and over the same things, but you see I have never siffered from anxiety before and find it really difficult to understand how and why this has happened, I wish the dr had said, calm down, do some breathing exercises, treat your asthma and come back to me in a week, I know I would have been fine because even through all this hell I know that the breathing disorder is not coming back, so when people say the meds help you address the issues about anxiety, THAT was my issue and its no longer one.

But now, with all the anxiety from the side effects as you know Im unsure if the anxiety I have now is caused by meds or if they reacted so badly they have left me with an anxiety disorder.

As Ive said many times outside influences have no effect on my anxiety, so when my hubby kicked the hole in the kitchen door, did it increase my anxiety, no.

When he shouted at me just now, did it increase my anxiety? no, but obviously it made me cry because I know hes right, I HAVE ruined both our lives, but I dont know what to do for the best to put things right.

[Serenitie]

The first thing to consider is that your breathing disorder is not caused by a biological problem. It is emotional / behavioural.

Causes of Hyperventilation Syndrome

The term hyperventilation syndrome evolved from the more descriptive psychogenic hyperventilation syndrome, which indicates a psychosomatic cause for the hyperventilation. Basically, that means there is usually some sort of behavioral or emotional reason for the hyperventilation. In most cases, hyperventilation goes hand-in-hand with anxiety or panic disorders. Many of the symptoms of hyperventilation syndrome appear during what are commonly called panic attacks. Hyperventilation syndrome is not a respiratory disease. It is an emotional condition. Staying calm is the most important method to help control it.

I have never heard of an anxiety disorder developing as a consequence of taking citalopram. Once you discontinue taking it, the side effects, no matter how severe stop. I can vouch for this personally.

If you feel that you had no anxiety to start with and that it was a mistake to start taking citalopram in the first place it may be a good idea to discuss tapering with your GP and resume breathing exercises to keep your hyperventilation under control?

[Iggy131313]

Thanks Serenitie,

yes, and that is what the medical profession thought too, But I wasnt anxious and I remember having 10mg of diazepam and feeling the calmest person ever and saying to the drs 'but I still cant breath'

when I saw the specialist I was dianosed with CHRONIC hyperventilation syndrome

Chronic Hyperventilation Syndrome
Hyperventilation syndrome (chronic hyperventilation) is a physiological state characterized by chronic overbreathing or breathing more air than the medical norm.

Normal minute ventilation at rest is about 6-7 L/min for a 70-kg man, as it was found in numerous studies done on healthy subjects

Chronic Hyperventilation syndrome leads to reduced CO2 content in the alveoli of the lungs or alveolar hypocapnia. For most people, it also causes arterial hypocapnia (or CO2 deficiency in the arterial blood).

I had my blood gases checked at the hospitral and had no carbon dioxide in my blood (we should have 5%)

this happened because I had untreated ashthma and was overbreathing to compensate over 2 years and was also breathing from the chest and not the tummy (paradoxical breathing).

It was a real fight to convince the medical profession even though I know they were doing their best, but once I knew what was happening I was able to do various exercises that increased carbon dioxide in my blood and reset my breathing pattern.

I know this was not anxiety related as when it started I was at the happiest point in my life, under no stress and the chirpiest person around.

when I kept having my blood gases checked in hospital they found I was in a state of hyperventilation even in my sleep.

Thanks so much for taking the time to look at my posts and what I was describing to you, I spoke to other sufferers at the time and we all had the same problems in convincing the medical profession that it was not anxiety related, alot of fellow sufferers were runners, therefore spent alot of time big breathing through their mouths and chests.

I am feeling alot better this afternoon (as usual) and I think I have found the answer to whats happening to me, Im doing some further research and will post about it later.

How are you doing on the escit? what dose are you on now?

[laura442]

Hi Iggy,
I havent felt like that from day one on esc thats why id love you to try it xxx