musiclover
08-09-12, 19:27
I have suffered from anxiety since I was 15 (I am now 30) and at the time was in a number of stressful situations. I was prescribed a low dose of anti-depressant by the GP and I was able to cope with panic attacks and general anxiety. I moved out when I was 22 into my own home alone and at the time I thought I was ready. After 6 months at the property I caught flu and had a very difficult (maybe traumatic) relapse of my anxiety condition. I left a longing/want to be at 'home' and find comfort which I felt when I lived at home with my mother. The problem was in the six months since I had moved out my mum had relocated to another house and although I went to stay with her for a week, I did not feel the comfort or home feeling which I had before. I spent about a month crying and desperatly wanting to move back home. Although with the advise of friends and family I didn't return home as I would have lost my accomodation and also with the realisation that being there did not make me feel any better. Now when I relapse I get this feeling of not being able to find comfort anywhere.
Nine months ago I met an amazing man who has worked with me through some issues and has basically been staying with me for the last 4 months, which is what I wanted. Early last month my boyfriend lied to me about where he was going in a failed attempt not to hurt my feelings and I found out. This brought back anxiety and with it the lack of appetite and difficulty sleeping. Normally after a period of relapse my appetite will return in the following weeks and things become stable again. I was starting to feel better in the evenings and was eating dinner. The lie is not an issue now, we have worked through this. I was managing it and decided to make appointments with my counsellor to try and talk about the issues. In a session in the middle of August, we talked again about my feelings of living in the flat and that it did not feel like home. At this session I was very upset and crying lots and felt as though this was the key for my underlying issues. After the session I felt a small sense of relief but from the next day things have got worse. I began to become distressed and my lack of appetite went to non exsistent and sleeping only 4/5 hours a night. I was still working in the uni holiday, but as I couldn't cope I had to finish a week early. Following this I became emotionally numb and havent been able to cry or feel happiness for a number of weeks now.
I know I have low self esteem, anxiety and some periods of depression. I am currently on 150mg sertraline and the doctors only advice is to up it if I want to. I have missed out on my holiday as I was too unwell to travel and was concerned about being ill 6 hours away from 'home' as I know I can shut the door and be ill here, even if I don't want to be here.
Has anyone else had these feelings about not being able to feel comfort? Am I depressed? The lack of appetite and sleep is getting to me now and I am only eating milkshakes during the day and trying to force a meal at night. I am smoking way too much. Has anyone else had the emotional numbness? Has it gone, do I need to up my antidepressants? I feel completley lost!!
Nine months ago I met an amazing man who has worked with me through some issues and has basically been staying with me for the last 4 months, which is what I wanted. Early last month my boyfriend lied to me about where he was going in a failed attempt not to hurt my feelings and I found out. This brought back anxiety and with it the lack of appetite and difficulty sleeping. Normally after a period of relapse my appetite will return in the following weeks and things become stable again. I was starting to feel better in the evenings and was eating dinner. The lie is not an issue now, we have worked through this. I was managing it and decided to make appointments with my counsellor to try and talk about the issues. In a session in the middle of August, we talked again about my feelings of living in the flat and that it did not feel like home. At this session I was very upset and crying lots and felt as though this was the key for my underlying issues. After the session I felt a small sense of relief but from the next day things have got worse. I began to become distressed and my lack of appetite went to non exsistent and sleeping only 4/5 hours a night. I was still working in the uni holiday, but as I couldn't cope I had to finish a week early. Following this I became emotionally numb and havent been able to cry or feel happiness for a number of weeks now.
I know I have low self esteem, anxiety and some periods of depression. I am currently on 150mg sertraline and the doctors only advice is to up it if I want to. I have missed out on my holiday as I was too unwell to travel and was concerned about being ill 6 hours away from 'home' as I know I can shut the door and be ill here, even if I don't want to be here.
Has anyone else had these feelings about not being able to feel comfort? Am I depressed? The lack of appetite and sleep is getting to me now and I am only eating milkshakes during the day and trying to force a meal at night. I am smoking way too much. Has anyone else had the emotional numbness? Has it gone, do I need to up my antidepressants? I feel completley lost!!