Sitting crying because HA has returned. In absolute despair :(

[ElectricAlice]

After managing to overcome my health anxiety and living happily without it for about 7-8 months. It has come slowly creeping back and I am so, so disappointed with myself.

My health anxiety was badly triggered when my mum suddenly passed away.

This turned my world upside down.

I noticed the signs of it coming back after getting ill in Portugal. Slightly ill.

I have started worrying about things again, going back to the DR's, the optitions, checking if people are still alive during their sleep... I didn't realise how slowly it was all creeping back.

And now I have spent the duration of today examining my tonsils, convinced I have tonsil cancer. One of them is enlarged and has red, inflamed, large blister type shapes on it.

I am in complete despair because I feel like I'm back at square 1 again after all my hard work. I was so convinced i'd never suffer from health anxiety again.

I just need some words of encouragement and understanding. Because no one else understands. And the guy I'm with at the moment actually gets SO frustrated, so quickly at any signs of me worrying.

Help me please, anyone :(

[southey]

Yes it's been my experience that HA can creep back after long periods of feeling OK. In no way should you feel disappointed in yourself for having these feelings again, they are not voluntary but are something that are not easily controlled and the sly way they creep up on us makes them even more devious.

I'm not sure what methods you used to combat the HA last time you had it but there is every reason to think those methods will work again to get back to a less anxious state.

All the usual advice still is valid like no researching however much you want to, positive thinking etc...

Sorry to hear about your Mum. Completely understandable that such a sad event and the shock would trigger your HA.

You have overcome this HA before and you can do it again. Unlike the first time HA affects us you sort of know what to expect and know your not going to go mad or be like it forever.

Atb,

Steve.

[tiredOfOcd]

After managing to overcome my health anxiety and living happily without it for about 7-8 months. It has come slowly creeping back and I am so, so disappointed with myself.

My health anxiety was badly triggered when my mum suddenly passed away.

This turned my world upside down.

I noticed the signs of it coming back after getting ill in Portugal. Slightly ill.

I have started worrying about things again, going back to the DR's, the optitions, checking if people are still alive during their sleep... I didn't realise how slowly it was all creeping back.

And now I have spent the duration of today examining my tonsils, convinced I have tonsil cancer. One of them is enlarged and has red, inflamed, large blister type shapes on it.

I am in complete despair because I feel like I'm back at square 1 again after all my hard work. I was so convinced i'd never suffer from health anxiety again.

I just need some words of encouragement and understanding. Because no one else understands. And the guy I'm with at the moment actually gets SO frustrated, so quickly at any signs of me worrying.

Help me please, anyone :(

I've got a bunch of things, in no particular order.

First, you don't have tonsil cancer. If I read the incidence statistics correctly, it is diagnosed at a rate (generously rounding) of 1.5-2.5 cases per 100,000 people. I'm not a betting man but even I would bet my paycheck on those odds.

I've found that my HA comes and goes. That's why I don't think of myself as ever being cured of it, but treat it as a recurring thing that comes and goes. I learned coping strategies from my therapist and I try to use awareness and start using them immediately because I've found that its easier to head off an episode than dig myself out of one after its started.

Do not despair. Ever. You got out from under this once, you will again.

Finally, regarding your SO. Do they know you have HA? If not, you need to tell them and explain it to them. Then, IMNSHO its the responsibility of the sufferer to learn how to control the disorder so it doesn't spill out into the lives of those who have to live with us.

At my worst, I was constantly going to my wife for reassurance (perhaps hourly, I have OCD as well) and an adult simply provide that kind of support for another. In addition, you have to imagine it from their perspective. Everything is normal, life is moving along and then - one day they find out that unbeknownst to them the person they care about is preoccupied, depressed and in fear for the lives from an illness they likely don't have.

So, after you see your dr, do you have plans to get a therapist?

[Angel27]

Hey there! Let me assure you, that you are not alone (and you are also fine :). My anxiety was over and then boom! It came back to haunt me again today. Peering into throat and tonsils with torchlight and basically making noises like "ewww!" and "goodness me whats that ..never seem that before" Last month it was red taste buds on tongue at back and month before it was wee ulcer on edge of tongue. I work for a charity (health one) so you would think I would learn. I also realised I had OCD when I would freak out after every drive that I may have "hmm hit a cyclist and not noticed" or chuck away meals and drinks in case they been contaminated. To think I was once never having any of these anxieties in my 20s is a dream!. Anyway I may not comfort myself that my oral cancer fear is just that, a fear not a reality but I can certainly say to you...like me today...give yourself a hug because there is support here. People like ToredofOCD have excellent wisdom. start comforting yourself and reading up on anxiety. We are not alone in a good way :) X Angel

[pAULspybeef]

Hi Alice I'm guessing that your other symptoms of your left side and other sensory symptoms are somewhat better and now your focus has changed to your tonsils. The joys of psychosomatic anxiety eh?!?! I know it's utterly dispairing when a setback arises but tomorrow is another day and the start of the fight back! Stay strong! Paul

[cattia]

I remember the first time that my anxiety came back after I thought it had gone away. I was so upset and disappointed too. Nowadays I accept that there will be times when my anxiety really affects me and then quite long stretches where it goes into remission and I'm fine. For me accepting that it's something that I will probably always have to deal with actually helped a lot. It somehow took away the pressure of trying to cure it forever which for me had almost become a source of anxiety in itself.
I now realise that I can spot it more quickly and have more tools available to help me deal with it. Don't blame yourself, this is an illness that none of us chooses to have. I have found it puts a lot of strain on my relationship. What helps is me telling my husband exactly how I would like him to support me as often he is frustrated and annoyed because he doesn't actually know what to do.