In need of kind words, just had a setback!

[Clarinha]

Have just had anxiety/panic attack on my way to work. The worst for me is the feeling that I will totally lose control of my bowels and humiliate myself in front of everyone. Also, I feel a very deelp sense of being on my own and not being able to get help. The more panicky I get, the more I focus on my stomach cramps and the more I tell myself that today my worst fear will happen so I frantically look around for a toilet I can use but just the thought of having to go into a building and look for one makes my panic even worse. At one point, it almost got too much for me and I had to almost stop for a second and then somehow managed to walk to my office. I then started obsessing about having stomach cramps and how I was going to be sick. I just wasn't able to calm myself down by using positive talk (because let's face it, when you're that far gone, you can't really believe any of it) or breathing exercises. Stayed on at work for 2 hours but then I couldn't face it anymore and had to go home! Caught a cab to get me there quick. Got home and burst into tears.
I should say that on top of that (and that might well be a contributing factor), my partner has been off in China for the past 4 days and we've just moved to Australia a few months ago and just moved into a new area of Sydney a few weeks ago. I hadn't spent time by myself in ages and the tought of my 'safe person' being so far away all add to it. I've been experiencing tonnes of anxiety attacks recently and it's really getting me down. I've been reading lots of books about anxiety including those that focus on CBT and Claire Weekes but at times, I just feel totally defeated! I'm also exhausted physically and emotionally, I have incredible tension in my neck and shoulders, it's really painful!
Right now I'm wondering whether I should take a Diazepam (2mg) to relax a bit after this ordeal, I have only ever taken them when flying...
Any kind words or advice would be much appreciated, feeling really lonely and sorry for myself right now!! :blush:

[johnielov]

My best advice for you, considering your current situation is to seek professional help. The many factors of panic attack is unhealthy living, which you should seriously consider.

[Clarinha]

Hi Johnirlov,

Not quite the kind words I was expecting! I have undergone CBT therapy in the past and I am by and large functioning, I am holding down a full time job, have just moved to the other side of the world to discover new things, etc. I am having a setback and that's why I posted on here just to hear other people's experiences and kind words, setbacks are after all part of the recovery process, you can't have a setback without having gone forward. Point taken about seeking professional help, I might considering going into counselling for additional support.

Cheers

[paranoidtree]

Hi Clarinha, hope you are now feeling a little better?

I'm having a week full of feeling i've just taken two steps backwards so can really empathise with you.

Just think that you didn't give in to the anxiety straight away, you stayed at work a while before going home - that's a win right there!

You are doing really well if you think about it, moving, not having your partner at home and on top of all that you are still managing to go to work and function!

Big pat on your back, well done!

:yesyes:

[Clarinha]

Thanks Paranoidtree,

Just the kind words I needed :). I am feeling a lot better now too, my partner is coming home tomorrow, phew! But one thing this whole thing taught me is how much I rely on him and how unhealthy that is. My objective now is to regain some independence, learn to do things by myself and for myself again!
It's so good to hear of others who are experiencing similar distress (not that I would wish this on anyone!), this whole anxiety thing can really make you feel lonely and hopeless sometimes and I often find that the distress we experience is almost impossible to understand for those who have never felt it!
I hope you start to feel like you're moving forward soon, it's so true to say that there can't be setbacks without steps forward so we're slowly getting there :noangel:.

Take care and thanks again for your words of encouragement!

[starlight78]

Hi Clarinha,

I so feel for you. I've had a recent blip of horrible anxiety. Similar to yourself I've had some massive life changes and I think this has made me vulnerable. I just keep telling myself I've been here before and always got better and I will again! I've downloaded some relaxation things onto my phone as well which really helps.
Don't worry about taking the odd diazepam. It is sometimes nice to just have a break from the struggle whilst you are recovering.
Stay positive . This will pass! X x

[skw1208]

Have just had anxiety/panic attack on my way to work. The worst for me is the feeling that I will totally lose control of my bowels and humiliate myself in front of everyone. Also, I feel a very deelp sense of being on my own and not being able to get help. The more panicky I get, the more I focus on my stomach cramps and the more I tell myself that today my worst fear will happen so I frantically look around for a toilet I can use but just the thought of having to go into a building and look for one makes my panic even worse. At one point, it almost got too much for me and I had to almost stop for a second and then somehow managed to walk to my office. I then started obsessing about having stomach cramps and how I was going to be sick. I just wasn't able to calm myself down by using positive talk (because let's face it, when you're that far gone, you can't really believe any of it) or breathing exercises. Stayed on at work for 2 hours but then I couldn't face it anymore and had to go home! Caught a cab to get me there quick. Got home and burst into tears.
I should say that on top of that (and that might well be a contributing factor), my partner has been off in China for the past 4 days and we've just moved to Australia a few months ago and just moved into a new area of Sydney a few weeks ago. I hadn't spent time by myself in ages and the tought of my 'safe person' being so far away all add to it. I've been experiencing tonnes of anxiety attacks recently and it's really getting me down. I've been reading lots of books about anxiety including those that focus on CBT and Claire Weekes but at times, I just feel totally defeated! I'm also exhausted physically and emotionally, I have incredible tension in my neck and shoulders, it's really painful!
Right now I'm wondering whether I should take a Diazepam (2mg) to relax a bit after this ordeal, I have only ever taken them when flying...
Any kind words or advice would be much appreciated, feeling really lonely and sorry for myself right now!! :blush:

Hi Clarinha. I can definitely sympathise with what you're going through. It sounds like you try/use all the strategies I do when I'm in the midst of a panic attack, but youre right, once youre too far gone nothing helps. I would also agree with what paranoidtree said as you sound like you are being a bit hard on yourself! You have been through a lot of life massive changes recently and you need to give yourself credit for your ability to make it this far without succumbing to the panic/anxiety.

I find I am also worse when I am on my own. Without my darling partner to diffuse me, I fast become a mental time bomb - this is when I most need to take a diazepam. I've been really good lately but my partner was away last night and alas, I woke in a cold sweat and full blown panic attack this morning. Sometimes our brain just needs a little helping hand to turn it off or get back into rational mode.

I can also identify with some of the difficulty you are having adjusting to your new environment. I moved from Melbourne to a small country town in north east Victoria and that really was the catalyst for worsening anxiety and increased incidence of panic attacks. I lost all my family, friends and social networks and as they would usually help to keep me on an even keel that responsibility lies wholly on my partner. Its really hard as I have struggled to fit in and make new friends. I also have been contending with a career move just to add some extra stress to the mix.

I am trying to find out how to stand on my own two feet independent of my partner. Hopefully this will be paramount to dealing with this and lessen this ongoing battle in my life.

Good luck!! It is a lonely journey sometimes but this forum is great for reminding you there are others going through similar things

[Clarinha]

Dear Starlight 78 and skw1208,

Many thanks for your kind words and for having shared your own experiences, it is amazing how much it helps to know other people know exactly what I am going through!

Good luck to you both!

Take care x

[kt79]

I think most people who dont suffer with anxiety would be feeling anxious after moving to a completely new place, having a new job etc and not having there main support around. I would advice letting yout gp know your anxiety issues just so they can keep an eye on you and give you support if needed. This will be temporary and im sure you will feel better soon :D

[Clarinha]

thanks guys! really helping to get your support! To top off all the recent changes I've just gone through, had a gruelling job interview this morning for a permanent job in Oz (am currently on a contract). Coped well despite nasty voice in my head telling me I would need to run out or would embarrass myself... now feeling totally zonked! :blush:
xxx

[Clarinha]

Actually, had to leave work early today because my anxiety is becoming unmanageable! I am starting to realise that I might need more than reading books and trying to help myself this time. I am literally feeling on edge most of the time and feel like I could just break down very easily if one unexpected thing happened to me.
I've decided to suck it up and go to the GP this afternoon, it might be that I need to take some medication for a couple of weeks to help me through this difficult moment. The thing is, so many things have changed in my life recently and the thing that's tipping me over the edge is the contractual job I'm in at the moment. It is the most tedious, demotivating and unsociable place to work in and it's really impacting on my anxiety and well-being (hence yesterday's job interview). I am trying not to feel guilty about the money (as a contractor, you don't get paid when you're not at work) and to think of myself instead but it's hard, I just don't know how I'll face tomorrow!
I know there's always a risk in taking medication, it can be a form of avoidance but I feel like I need a little break from feeling so anxious all the time so I can replete my resources! Anyone has tried this approach (i.e. gone on valium or other tranquiliser for a couple of weeks to give yourself a break)?