Anticipation or the event - which is worse?

[dorabella]

Does anyone find that they feel worse in the days preceeding some event which they know could make them panick.

I have a particular problem with any event which means deviating from my usual routine (travelling away from home, social events, extraordinary meetings) and find that in the days preceeding I start to feel depressed and anxious. I've backed out of so many for one reason or another, and I'm sure that most of it is anxiety brought on by anticipation and catastrophizing.

Usually I end up disappointing both myself and the other persons involved. When I make myself go through with things I'm usually fine and feel better for having done it. But there are times when the fear gets the better of me and I just can't handle it.

At the moment I'm anticipating a visit to my parents tomorrow (my folks are lovely and very understanding but it means staying overnight away from home) and for two days already I've been having pains in my arms, a tight chest and throat, burning stomach and ribs and have a general sensation of the back cloud descending and a feeling that something awful is going to happen.

Do you get like this and what do you tell yourself to help get through it?

[**whenwillthisend**]

hi i can totally relate to what you are feeling, but often i feel that anticipating an event is often a lot worse than going through the event itself, because as you say you catastrophize and imagine what could go wrong..when actually you are and feel fine once the event is taking place...nerves have always got the better of me before a important event i.e exam or speaking in front of a group, but after you feel better for sticking it out and getting on with it...
try not to worry about your visit (why are you worrying?) is it the drive or the being away from home that bothers you?
just tell yourself you are only going to see your parents nothing more and you will have a nice relaxing time where i bet they look after you well...just relax and try to take your mind off your anxieties
good luck

[mirry]

Yes the thought is often worse than the event itself.

On Moodgym, it keeps explaining "WHAT YOU THINK IS WHAT YOU FEEL"
So thinking about doing something makes us feel something....
It seems to be a case of changing your thoughts of dread to excitement.
If you havent checked out moodgym (id recommend it).



mirryx

[dorabella]

Thanks for the encouragement. What you have both said is basically what I try and tell myself - you've done this before you can do it again.

What worries me is completely nonsensical - a two hour train ride then being away from home. I have episodes of agoraphobia - you should see the state I get myself into when I have to go to France for 2 or 3 days for research on my doctorate!!!

Like the rest of us I have my safe place (my flat) where I can cope and when I'm deprived of it I feel vulnerable. I was never like this before and I've been all over Europe, slept on sofas and floors etc. You name it I did it. The older I get the sillier I get.

Still its comforting to know that I'm not the only one.

D

[Piglet]

I am just the same.

Everytime without fail the event has been less stressful than I had anticipated it to be. I too used to be so independent and its that carefree attitude about myself that I miss the most!

Still lets plod on and keep practising and we'll get there.

Love Piglet x

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?" said Piglet.
"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

[scoobygirl2005]

Hi.

I feel like that sometimes, but at other times I have been the complete opposite, I am fine for a few days leading to the event but when it comes to the day I just panic! In past situations when I have had to go to a stressful event e.g. when I have sung at concerts with the choir, for days I would have a number of different symptoms e.g. stomach ache, pains everywhere and I would just try and tell myself not to worry otherwise I will just make it all worse, it worked sometimes but other times my anxiety just got the better of me. So I guess all you can do is just keep telling yourself not to worry and that you will be fine. Hope this helps you.

Scooby2005
x x

[Granny Primark]

Hi

The anticipation of going somewhere is far far worse than the event itself.
Iwas worried sick about a friends party last week and the thought of staying over the night.
I was shaking with fear the day we were going and thought of cancelling an hour before.
Luckily i didnt. The sense of achievement i felt was enormous.Thus now making me realise i can do things and go places.
Yesterday i even managed to go shopping with my daughter. Something i havent done in 9 months.
It just proves what can be done if we face the fear.

Take care
Lynn

[Shadowwin]

Anticipation is WAY worse... way way worse.. at least in my book I'll start dreading something days in advance and by the time I actually get there I'm a nervous wreck :/

~Trina

[brenda]

Yep I agree Anticipation is worse.
I just did a 3 hour train journey. the week before I was anxious. Catastrophizing :-)

I did it and managed OK. the journey back was better than going and I had to stay longer as I was ill. but I coped OK.
Now am planning another trip next week.

Keep doing it that is the key if you stop practising you just get back in the habit of not doing things and its hard to get going again

Hope that helps
Pam x

[kate]

Yep, spur of the moment going out is definately better than anything pre planned.

Kate

"Everybody's changing and I don't feel the same"

[mirry]

yesturday we booked going to the cinema to see "pirates of the caribean" , my husband drove us there and I was concerned but knew I had to go for my kids sake, once we arrived there I walked in first and got taken to the seating area by a boy with a torch, I cant belive this but I usually sit at the end of an isle (for easy escape) but this time I choose to sit in the middle [:P] and I never had any panic at all, totally enjoyed the film and felt relaxed.

Yet today I am already feeling anxious alot ???
I seem to have problems doing things on my own, I want my husband with me yet hate taking the kids out alone, tomorrow I am taking them to our local Library (2 roads away) whilst my husbands at work and am already concerned .
Ive taken my kids out alone before lots of times ,but I still worry about doing it ........sometimes I really do think I must be insane lol,
I look at other people and it all seems so easy for them, still like Piglet says we must plod on,,,,I am pre menstral as you can tell ! [Sigh...]

mirryx

[dorabella]

Thanks for all the replies.

I agree with the spur of the moment thing. If only we all had the luxury of being able to take off and do stuff at the precise moment that we felt like doing it life would be much less stressful.

I hate having to plan ahead and coordinate things and people and invariably end up not wanting to do anything when the time comes.

Well as Churchill himself said, I'll ''keep bu**ering on!