cant continue with life no more

[rachel m]

Hi folks. Well this is my first post since introducing myself as a new member in august and to be honest i,m at the end of my tether right now. I cant cope anymore. Iv just had my ATOS medical here at home ( agoraphobia social phobia health anxiety ). They have missplaced all my medical evidence between them and the dwp thats taken months to get together.
My mother has just rang me to say one of my close friends has just died suddenly then as soon as i put the phone down as good as i recieve another phone call from the pet cremmatoriam to say my lovely dogs ashes are ready to collect who i had to have put to sleep on sunday aged 14. I,m distraught right now, on my own, panicking like never before, dont know what to do and feel like throwing myself through the bedroom window.

[Elle-Kay]

I'm so sorry you're having such a rubbish time at the moment, and my condolences on the loss of your friend and your dog.

I won't pretend to know your business or give you advice because I suspect that anything except the most sincere good wishes and sympathies (which you have from me, in abundance) may seem irrelevant coming from a total stranger, however what I do want to say is that several years ago I was in a similar situation to you. I was all-but housebound through anxiety/agoraphobia already, and then within the space of only a few short months my two grandfathers, great uncle and a family friend died. I felt like I spent most of my time at funerals, or making sad choices at that time, and I remember distinctly when my second grandfather died (he was the last of the four to pass away) I totally broke down. I was home alone, and I just sobbed and sobbed and sobbed my little heart out. I didn't think I would ever feel anything other than hopeless, and felt there was no way out (or only one, at least). I begged my parents to "let me go", as I couldn't bear it anymore. Thankfully, I found support, and slowly, things didn't seem so bad. One breath at a time, I kept going, and though I still miss my relatives dearly (especially now both grandmas have joined them) I no longer feel that I'm in that desperate situation. My body has adapted to the new circumstances, I suppose.

I don't know if this will help you, but I wanted you to know that as bad as things seem at the moment, I promise that it won't be a forever thing, and you will find lots of support here on NMP, whether you want to ask questions, chat about things, or just simply tell someone when you're miserable, have a virtual hug and know someone, somewhere is thinking of you.

[rachel m]

Thank you so so much elle kay. That means alot to me right now at the moment i cant think straight to go into much detail. got myself in the dr,s at 3.40. so feel a little better for that. Thank you again. x

[theharvestmouse]

Sorry to hear about your friend and your dog. My dog was put down 3 weeks ago, he was a rescue dog, he was my best friend. I know how bad it feels.

[Lissa101]

Terribly sad news. You must remember you're going through an extraordinary hard time that would be testing even for people without panic/anxiety. The difference is people like us are used to hard times, we've got through them before and we'll get through them in the future.

You're supposed to be distraught at a time like this. It's a natural reaction. Give yourself time to grieve. :hugs:

[times71]

Hi Rachel

Ive been there, so I guess i know how you feel. It's amazing how the fear of fear makes us feel, and bare in mind fear is just False Evidence Appering Real. You have the internet at your finger tips, and there is so much information that can help you get over this. Im totally against medication, and even though im not knocking it for me i didn't want to mask the issue, and wanted to deal with it. The high of finding some information and applying it was unreal. My advise is don't throw yourself out of the window, but, fight back.. you may be suprised what you will find.. and it's actually enjoyable. I realised that the panic's where a fake trick, see through it and you win.

good luck dude

[ammiemum]

:hugs:

[bashley]

HI Rachel,
I hope you find the help of others on here and people around you to give you strength to carry on. I too have been through lots that does make me feel like giving up I lost my dear grandfather, then a week later my mother was sectioned due to dementia and is in a care home and then lost my best friend to cancer. I do struggle everyday and it truly is an uphill climb. But then I look at my family around me and you must look at your family and friends and see how much they love you and need you in their lives. Sometimes everything happens at once but you will get through it. I'm sure your doctor will help you. And everyone on here is there for you .xxxx

[neowallace]

:hugs::hugs:

[rachel m]

Hi again folks. First can i say thank you so so much for your replies. :hugs: it means alot. I feel alot calmer today after seeing my dr. I,m back on Diazepam now but just for a few days till the nerves settle. I know theres people goin through ten times more agony than me, even some of you and i,m gratefull for what i do have, a loving and supporting family, but sometimes i cant see past this "bubble" i,m in. Iv not been out of the house now in over 2 years and i look through the window and feel the world is just passing me buy. I would,nt wish it on my worst enemy. x to all.