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jollywalrus
02-06-04, 08:31
Dear Shop Assistant,
Yesterday I came in to your shop to buy my daughter some clothes. Nothing unusual about that I know, except that coming in your shop to me, felt like the worse thing that you could ever think of happening, happening to you. There must be something that you are scared of, and I am scared of your shop.

I managed quite well for almost an hour. I chatted to your colleague who talked to me about how hot the shop was. That reassured me because I then felt the heat wasn't only the panic inside me. I even managed to go into the changing rooms at the back of the shop. This took every coping strategy I have ever learned , but I made it.

And then I came to your till. I chatted to you as you rang through my items. I didn't really want to know anything about you, but you see by chatting, it took my mind away from being trapped at the till point. What a pity you ignored me. You gave me the total and as my hands went to my purse they shook so much, I couldn't get the money very quickly. You tutted.

I would like you to know that by this time my legs were also shaking, my heart was thumping and a huge wave of panic swept through me. I began to wonder if I would get out of your shop alive, it was that bad. I walked away from you and my daughter took the change. You muttered about how rude I was and I'm sorry, I didn't mean to be rude, but I had to get outside where the fresh air would hit me and bring me to my senses. I wanted to cry, but I had my daughter with me so we went off to the next shop, where incidentally, the lady who put my goods through the till chatted to me all about her daughter's wedding. I felt better then.

I know you could never know what I was feeling. I was just another customer to you. But just maybe next time you could be more patient, because one day you may be just as afraid as I am. I hope that never happens to you.

Best wishes,
Christine

Laurie28
02-06-04, 11:54
Christine,

Sometimes it helps to put your thoughts down... I am so proud at how brave you were and how well you done and just very sorry you came across someone like this assistant.

Pls remember that most people are not like this and carry on the good work!! it is great that you carried on your shopping trip and didn't crumble and have to go home

Be very proud of yourself
Lucky

sarah
02-06-04, 13:46
Hi Christine

I can so relate to what you have written, even thought I know im not alone it still amazes me that there are people out there who feel exactly how I do.

Thats brilliant that you stayed there for an hour and even managed another shop afterwards. Im certain I would have made for a swift exit home and gone to bed in tears but you did so well!!

take care
Love Sarah
xx

we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

Meg
02-06-04, 14:04
Christine,

Wow, you did sooo well and I love your letter.
Most congratulations are due though for carrying on as you did so fantastically.

Brilliant progress.

Sarah - Once you may have done that but after your last few weeks would you still or are you talking about yourself several months ago now. Maybe it's time for you to update your expectations of yourself !



Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

sarah
02-06-04, 14:19
Hi Meg

I do still get like that on occasion, not as often as I used to but it still comes out of the blue sometimes (maybe 1 in 4 shopping trips). I think I deal with it better than I used to but because its not quite so common with me now, when it does happen it scares the living daylights out of me (sometimes I think more than when it was a constant thing to deal with).
Dont worry Meg, I do have higher expectations of myself now and each time I go out I dont always seem to have the sense of impending doom that I used to. Sometimes I even get excited at the thought of shopping which hasnt been in my vocabulary for 2 years now so thats got to be a positive :)
Maybe ive got to push myself harder now..I seem to be on a plateau where im not moving forewards too much but even this plateau isnt comfortable most of the time. I still have a battle in my head each time even though im in no way as bad as I used to be.
Time to adjust my though processes I guess?

Thanks Meg

love Sarah
xx


we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)

benoo5
02-06-04, 21:26
christine,your a very brave lady,if any therapists had read your post,i do hope they wrote it down,then perhaps some of them will realise,that at the end of a session,and they tell the patient to walk around tescos three times tomorrow,just how hard it really is!!
just a tip christine,when shopping,have a small bottle of mineral water,with a few drops of bach rescue in it,keep it in your bag,and just sip,as your walking around..ideal,this time of year,no one will look twice at you...well done matey...bryan.

stimpy
02-06-04, 23:23
Christine, I agree with that letter 100%

I think you did excellently and coped very well indeed.
Don't let one rude uncaring grumpy shop assistant put you off.

Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.


[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'

Caz Fab Pants
03-06-04, 15:33
Christine,
Wow, you did so well you must be chuffed to bits! I know exactly how you felt that day and I'm sure I'm not the only one.
So many people dont stop and think about whats going on in other peoples lives, they just see things as an inconvenience and make judgements on face value.
Since having my problems I make an effort to cut people some slack if they seem a bit 'off' because you never know whats going on in their head or in their life.

Hats off to you girl, well done.

Caroline
x

jollywalrus
03-06-04, 16:21
Hi All,
Thank you all so much for your kind comments. I suppose I was quite pleased with myself when I got home on Tuesday, but sadly on Wednesday I couldn't make it out the front door, and today I panicked in my local "safe" shop that I usually don't worry too much about because I go in it so much.

It seems that shopping trip took it out of me and I had rather hoped it would do the opposite and set me along the right track again. At least I know I can do it if I need to, but oh, how I long for the days when shopping will be a pleasure again!

Best wishes,
Christine

Caz Fab Pants
04-06-04, 17:25
Christine,

Boy do I know how that feels! I think after feeling that immense and overwhelming panic especially if you haven't had a full blown PA for a while it kind of scares you and does set you back a bit. Well in my experience it does.
However I think if you continue with the little things and don't stay indoors dwelling the memory of how awful it was will fade and you'll soon be out there again on new ground.

Good luck,
Caroline
x

Meg
04-06-04, 18:12
If you get out there again soon in small steps you will gain ground back quicker then previously.
Don't leave it too long .



Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

lilac kitten
07-06-04, 11:19
Christine,

Well done for being so strong. Its not you with the problem but the shop assistant. I usually find that I always get the ones who couldn't care less about the customer and spend their time discussing all sorts with their colleagues and not concentrating on what they're doing. I get extremely panicy because they take sooooo long to do anything and all I want to do is pay and leave the shop, not stand and listen to them gossip.

In Tesco most of the checkout people scan my magazines or papers and always stop to read the front page or headlines, and all I want to do is get out of the shop. I did think about complaining, but if I get made redundant here I may need to apply for a job there one day!!

Anyway good for you. I'm off tomorrow to Basingstoke to see if I can get some turn ups and a t-shirt from Red Herring and a couple of bits from Oasis. I'll have to use changing rooms and take baby with me, but I have just for the first time tried Rescue Remedy so I'll keep it close to hand.

A year ago I would have done this sort of thing no problem. No I have to plan everything.

Good luck with your next shopping trip.

Ruth
x

jollywalrus
07-06-04, 11:49
Hi Lucky,
Thanks for those kind words. I have been out shopping since, but I am still a bit wobbly.

You mentioning your baby made me realise something. Ten years ago I was like this, but I had a small baby then who not only gave me a buggy to hold on to, but proved a great distraction to me. This time I am doing it on my own and it is much harder. Still, I beat it last time and I will do again. I think it will just take longer this time.

Have fun shopping,
Love Christine

jollywalrus
07-06-04, 11:51
Sorry, I was looking at the wrong name. I mean
Hi Ruth!

Laurie28
07-06-04, 12:15
I was wondering when I meantioned my baby in this post!!!!

But you are soo right children can prove such a distraction!!

You done great keep it up!!

Lucky

Meg
07-06-04, 15:17
Christine ,

If you can do it daily - it helps so much establish a new routine .


Meg

'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'

Dr.David Livingstone

Caz Fab Pants
09-06-04, 13:35
Ruth,

Lovely to hear that you're going out shopping to treat yourself to some new togs :-)

I've recently been getting used to wondering around my local town again and going shopping with my 1yr old in his buggy. Have got quite a few new bits and feel chuffed because they're not mail order.

I find it a huge help having one or both my children with me when I go food shopping because they do a great job of distracting you, even when you dont want them to. After a relapse of my panic/anxiety I found getting to the check out at Tesco almost unbearable but can do it fine these days.

I'm glad you haven't been suffering for too long and you're already back on the road to recovery, as I'm sure you know avoiding just makes things worse in the long run.

Good luck, to everybody.

Caroline
x

jollywalrus
10-06-04, 09:15
You see! I was right! I need to borrow a baby!

Christine :)