funeral

[plotlost]

Hello all,

A family member passed away and the funeral is in two weeks time, but I feel like I cant attend.

I have social anx etc but I dont want to go through a funeral if that makes sense. I dont want to feel upset or be upset infront of anyone.

I feel bad about not wanting to go and should go really but I dont think I can.

anyone else had similar. advice welcomed

I suppose nobody wants to ever go to a funeral but even less so when your crazy

[Annie0904]

I can understand how you are feeling. one of my aunts passed away at the time when my anxiety was at its worse. I got up on the morning of the funeral and got ready to go and then just sat down and cried, I know I wasn't going to be able to go through with it so sent my apologies with another family member. I have been ok (as ok as you can be) at other funerals since then. I would say don't make your decision yet..try not to think about it or tell yourself you will decide nearer to the day and don't feel bad if you can't go through with it. I remember as a child my dad suffered from anxiety and when his younger brother got married, he made it to the church but had to sit right at the back near to the door so that he could easily leave if he needed to.

[flossie]

The first thing to tell you straight away is that you are not crazy. Never think that about yourself. Anxiety sufferers are not crazy people and thinking this way is detrimental to your self esteem and recovery. You are having difficulties at the moment but you are an OK person. OK rant over :)

I'm so sorry that you have lost someone close to you. Don't start fretting about the funeral. Be honest to yourself about the reasons you would prefer not to go. Is it because of being around others or are you avoiding a situation that you would rather not have to face, something that you feel would distress you.
Keep an open mind about going and give yourself options. Perhaps a compromise would be to go, sit at the back or near the door so that you have the reassurance of being able to quietly leave if you choose to. I'm assuming your family know that you find these situations difficult so you could go, loiter on the sidelines of the gathering (which I like to do and people watch) and stay outside the church/chapel and say your own goodbye while the service is taking place inside. You can make your way home when it is over, you do not have to go on to anywhere else.
This is what I did when my father passed away and I so pleased that I made the effort to be a part of the funeral all be it in my own way.
All I can say to you is that the thought of a funeral is usually much worse than the event itself. While some can be quite harrowing when the death comes about from an unexpected tragedy the average funeral tends to be more of a celebration of the life rather than about the loss. And being sad and upset is OK, don't feel bad about that especially in front of your family who have lost someone who has played a huge part in their life too.
Don't automatically think that you can't do it at this stage. Give yourself the chance of working out ways in which you could make it work for you to be a part of a family event.

[loopylu86]

My nan passed away last month and the funeral was just over 3 weeks ago. The day after my nan passed away my panic attacks returned as did my anxiety and DP. Not going for me was just not an option. I'm from a small and close family and I can tell you it was one of the hardest things I ever had to do. I remember feeling like my legs were made of stone. I remember being in the front row of the service in the church and standing for hymns feeling like i was rooted to the spot. I felt like I would collapse at any moment. But I didn't...and I made it through. How I kept it together is beyond me. I dreaded all day a panic attack being triggered but kept telling myself that the service itself is no longer than 30 mins and concentrated on my breath. I fully understand the way you are feeling. I really do. If it is an option for you then just like others have said. Try standing closer to an exit. There are ways for you to do this. My anxiety is not mild. Infact I am currently pretty much a hermit in bed all day. I feel anxious. All the time. If I can do it. Anyone can! X

[plotlost]

thankyou all for the replies, they certainly have given me food for thought.

Flossie, to set the scene a little, its a large family and non of them are aware of my anxiety, depression etc etc, so I dont think it will go down very well if I am absent.

However, I want to say goodbye in my own way and feel as if I can do this easier alone than sharing the grief with the rest of them.

I have been to funerals in the past and they were very hard to go through, but that was before my problems started and I was a much stronger, confident and balanced person back then.

As you say though, I can either go or not and theres time to decide in between. Dreading events is a common thing for me, let alone events like a funeral.

Thanks to you all again.