What do I do? Advice needed please!

[loopylu86]

Hi everyone!

I have a few things I need to address. I am currently near the end of week 2 Cit at 10mg and my anxiety is definitely getting better. I am currently also approaching the end of my second week on the sick from work. I have been in my existing job for over 2 years and this year has been a really tough one. There is not much chance to progress for me within the company due to my sick levels (anxiety/panic related) so therefore have been stuck in the same role. I have watched less qualified people come in and do the job that I should and would be doing had it not been for my health situation. So the job itself is very frustrating. It has definitely been a large contributer to my anxiety. Even the smallest of things there now stress me out. So I am looking into a new job. With my recent relapse into panic and DP I know the last thing I need is the stress of interviewing and beginning a new job...but on the otherhand the thought of returning to my existing role fills me with pure dread. I really dont know what to do.

Additional to this...I have recently began getting to know a really great guy...He is aware of my current situation and wants to meet and spend time together. I can barely stay at familar places (sisters/friends) without the urge to flee...I just don't know how I am going to do this?

Could use any sort of advice.

Could my current bought be down to a recent bereavement. Will it ease when I address and and accept this new reality? Do I face the music in work or start fresh?

Just seems that every area of my life needs adjusting and I'm feeling so overwhelmed. It's making me just not want to bother.

[theharvestmouse]

Maybe go back to your current job until you feel more capable of applying for new jobs, its always better to find a job when you already have one.

Hope you don't mind me asking but where did you meet this man you are getting to know? At least he knows you situation, you could always suggest meeting for a short time at first, maybe go for a coffee somewhere.

I'm at the same stage as you on Cit but I'm on 20mg and I am yet to feel any benefit whatsoever.

[loopylu86]

I think that is what I am going to have to do. I was considering asking if I can return on reduced hours. Sort of ease back into it.
I actually met him online. I do meet men the normal way usually lol. But we have been skyping and messaging alot and get on really well so really want to meet him to see if this translates into real life. He is really understanding of the situation but I can feel fine one minute and then just be anxious and get into this awful frame of mind...which I can only describe as dread. It's like that alien feeling when you are on the cusp of a panic attack. Nothing really makes it go away and people,even familar...I can't be around. If I go to him...and get this feeling I will have to flee. If eventually he comes to me..How could I expect him to understand this? Maybe I'm just not ready for this added pressure.

[theharvestmouse]

It's a tough one, my CBT therapist used to say to me "How do you are not ready, until you try something out". It's down to you but I think you should try to get out and meet him even if its for a short time, you can always explain to him that you may have a panic attack.

[loopylu86]

That is so true. I am definitely feeling better already and just need to remain positve. I make myself worse with negative thoughts. Always worrying about freaking out and feeling strange. Negative thoughts like that are only going to make me even more prone to it. I laready feel happier everytime I speak to him. It's like I get a release of feel good endorphins or something. Although I am trying not to enjiy these feelings too much. I don't want to be dependent on anyone else controlling my happiness. Poor bloke....We haven't even met HA!