View Full Version : New Job - 2nd day and sick with anxiety!!
Hi all,
I need some words of reassurance. I suffer with depression and anxiety and take citalopram but I barely have symptoms these days.
I'm on the second day of a new job and im freaking out. Haven't eaten a thing in 2 days, I feel sick and faint, I want to run away and cry.
The people aren't friendly, I don't know anyone and I want to go back to my old job.
Is this feeling going to go away? How long will I feel like this? I feel like I've made a terrible decision.
Help help help.
Starting a new job is not easy for anyone so even worse for someone who suffers from anxiety. It is only your 2nd day so I can imagine it will be very difficult for you and hope that it will get better as the week goes on and the people will be more friendly to you. You didn't say what kind of job it is so don't about how it is for socializing at lunch times etc. You have done well so far in getting the job and I hope your confidence in it will get better as the week goes on :hugs::hugs:
it will get easier you just got to try and fight threw it, the more time you spend at your new job the easier it should become,,although you can always look for another job if after a while you find it dont suit you, hope things settle down for you i know how you feeling for experience:bighug1:
It will get easier. As Annie said, the first few days of a new job are nerve-wracking for everyone, let alone someone with anxiety, and you've done so well to get yourself to this point. Rather than focusing on feeling bad, try letting yourself imagine how good you will feel at the end of your first week (and when you get your first payslip! ;))
Hi, I'm sorry you're going through this crap. It sounds like a crisis of confidence, a name which also happens to give you the solution to this problem.
If you've only been there two days you haven't had time to settle in and get used to things. You don't know your colleagues and they don't know you. Contrary to many TV shows and films, people don't always settle in straight away in a montage of laughter, teamwork and inspiring music; it takes guts and determination, exactly the qualities you needed when you were fighting back against the anxiety and depression. You just need to use the same skills a little differently.
My advice is to improve your confidence in your own ability to do the job. This may mean bringing things home from work to read (with your manager's permission of course). I would recommend keeping a notebook with you and writing down important processes etc so you can read them and re-read them when you get some time.
While you do this, it's important not to let yourself freak out and think you can't do it. Relax, take lots of deep breaths and simply allow yourself to read what's in front of you. You will still have negative thoughts, this is normal, just don't let them take control.
As your confidence in your basic ability to do the job improves, you will find a huge weight lifts from you. The time you currently spend stressing will then be better spent talking to the people you're working with and gradually building connections. Just show some interest in the people around you - for example if one of them has a sick relative, ask them how their relative is getting on and tell them you hope things will get better soon.
You'll be surprised how much of a difference this can make when you're talking to a decent person; ignorant prats are fairly easy to spot as they will deliberately fail to respond to you and it's not worth making much effort with them. Watch how they interact with others though, because some people just don't have a lot to say and that's very different from being ignorant or cold.
I always use Deep Space 9 as a good example of making the best of your circumstances. When the show starts, DS9 (a space station) is a cold and broken place where all of the main characters, without exception, hate to be. They variously feel alienated, betrayed, ignored and disliked. As the series progresses the characters SLOWLY start to settle down, make friends, start relationships and generally improve their own lives and those of the people around them, until in one of the later series there's a brilliant moment where Sisko (the main character) refers to DS9 as home and actually asks himself when he started to see the "monstrosity" of DS9 as his home.
Later on, as Starfleet is kicked out of Deep Space 9 by an alien armada, Sisko makes a speech to the inhabitants of the station, telling them he will do everything in his power to return to "this place where I belong".
I hope that example gets my point across. Starting a new job can be upsetting and difficult, but it's a part of life. You've come this far, see it through; you get through life by moving forward, not back.
Thank you all so much for your replies, I really appreciate it.
In answer to your question its an admin office based job. No one really seems to go to lunch together, they do their own thing and they are all quite busy.
The problem isn't with the work although i hate not knowing what im doing i know i can learn. Its the people and the environment, they seem so uninterested in talking to me.
My last job was with such friendly people and we were close but i had to move for more money so you're right I'll just think of that.
How long does it take 'normal' people to settle into a job?
I've not eaten for two days i wish i could stop this feeling!!
Iced_diamond
18-09-12, 20:28
Hi, I'm really sorry to hear that you are not feeling happy in your new job. You will probably find that within a couple of weeks you will already feel much more comfortable and have settled in. I can tell you a very similar story, because I changed jobs about 3 months ago myself (also an admin/accounting type job). Like you, I also felt very nervous in my first week and it seemed to me like everyone was just getting on with their own work and couldn't be bothered that I was there. It made me think:"Why did they hire me?" or "Do they not like me." I started miss my old job and the people there and immediately missed it and wished I hadn't made the move...BUT: I believe this was just a defense mechanism-just because I was nervous and scared-as are all people of new jobs, even if they say they're not. I imagine you applied for this job for a good reason and you were offered the job for a good reason. Maybe your colleagues are just getting on with their work, because they may be a bit busy or they don't fully understand how you feel, as they are not in your situation? Chances are they do not intend to upset you-may just be a bit of thoughtlessness? Could you maybe try talking to them? Maybe be the one to start up a conversatin with them? Like what did they do at the week-end or maybe suggest going to lunch together to get to know them a bit better and vice versa? You should most certainly NOT let this upset you so much that you don't feel like eating. Really. You must eat and shouldn't damage your health by worrying like this. Though I do know how you feel, because I have been there before, you mustn't let it get to you that much. Can you maybe try calling a friend after work or maybe have a chat to a family member and tell them how the job's going etc-talking to someone can help. In any event, I wish all the best of luck in whatever choices you make concerning your work life. But remember, health comes first. Take care and keep your head up. :yesyes::yesyes:
Hi Hun
Sorry to hear that you are feeling like this:)
I can relate to you with a job I started a few years ago.
My first few days was horrible felt like I was in a bubble and that my working life would never be the same again. It slowly passed after the first week or so and I can remember the end of the 2nd week going home on the Friday feeling great. New surroundings and people might be causing you to feel like this. You are strong to get through anxiety/panic in the past.
Big hugs
Jackie x
Thanks all for replying. Its nice to hear people have been in similar situations and that it does pass so there is hope.
I can't help the not eating, its how my anxiety manifests itself and of course it doesn't help because it makes me feel weak and tired.
I have tried talking to them, asking them questions but its so one sided, they don't give much away and don't ask me questions. I came from such a friendly office so this is so hard. I just want to run away and not come back but I can't.
I guess I need to look for a new job so I can find somwhere that fits better but in the mean time I am stuck here feeling like this.
electrical_stormgirl
19-09-12, 13:44
I sympathise- I was in a similar situation a few years ago and it's horrible. I decided to look for a new job after a few months and have been in this job ever since (a friendly company!). It may just take time for people to warm up but if not it sounds like the problem is with them so look for a new friendly place to work :)
How long do you think I should give it before I know for sure that's its not the place for me.
I am not a quitter but I think I need to set myself a target, if things don't change I leave.
A month, 3 months, 6, a year?
Hi there, I am in a similar position to you only I have been in the job a bit longer. Think like you say, its not the job thats the problem, its the environment and how I am thinking about things or seeing things. I think that the fact that I haven't had a Job for many years isn't helping matters. I am remembering jobs I had years ago where we all got on like a house on fire. Perhaps it would help me if I stopped looking back so much. I have also got a problem with perfectionism and always beat myself up over any mistakes. So I am not finding it easy either. This post is mainly to let you know you are not alone feeling as you do.
Yeh I think like you I need to stop looking back. I think of the lovely colleauges (friends actually) and I cry. But what i should be focussing on is why i left which was crap money, no prospects, failing company.
Its comforting to know im not on my own in feeling like this although sad other people are in the same situation.
I wanted to update you all. Its day 4 and some in the department started talking to me yesterday so that's a step in the right direction.
I still have major anxiety, didn't sleep last night, was sick this morning and my stomach seems to be constantly churning and cramping. Why does this happen to me??
I managed to eat a meal last night but I seem to be back at square one now and can't eat a thing today.
I just live in the hope that things will get slightly better here each day and one day I will feel normal again.
Hi Ruby, im in the same boat as you. Im on my second week. Everyone in my new job seems nice but I feel so low in confidence and this is causing anxiety. Its a horrible overwhelming feeling, ive suffered with it numerous times. It will pass as your confidence grows. Remember to eat as your body needs the calories.
Good luck
Well I made it through week one and came out the other side, god knows how.
I would say my anxiety was worse in the morning, I wake up feeling sick and shaking and it gradually settles during the day although not completely. But that would suggest that perhaps it just takes me time to relax and climatise to my environment. So maybe once im fully familiar with my environment the anxiety will stop all together? What do you think? I'm trying to be positive here haha.
Its Saturday afternoon and I've been fine all day, but just all of a sudden the anxiety is setting in again at the thought of going back Monday.
When will this stop?????
electrical_stormgirl
22-09-12, 17:58
It might well just take some time. I think it takes me about 6 months before I start to feel settled anywhere, and don't think I felt that I could be myself until a year in this job. Hopefully things will settle and your colleagues will warm up a bit. Or maybe this job isn't meant to be because it's the stepping stone to your next amazing dream job! I'd give it a few months if you can (as long as it's not making you ill) and then if they're still cold fish look for somewhere nicer- it's their loss :D
That's great advice and it sounds simple when you put it like that so why do I tie myself in knots so much?
Why can't I just tell myself its not the end of the world and get on with it?
electrical_stormgirl
22-09-12, 18:10
Because its much easier to give someone else advice. It's not easy when you're the one caught up in it. I stayed at a job I hated for months (I'd cry in the mornings before I had to go in) because it was all so overwhelming and leaving seemed like a scary decision. Now I look back on it I can't believe I stayed there so long! But as I said, it's easier with hindsight and when you're telling someone else ;)
Anxious_gal
22-09-12, 18:55
Hey if you find it hard to eat, drink something with sugar in it!
Honestly when your blood sugar drops it will cause anxiety.
I find it hard to eat too when I'm anxious so I always have a bottle of sprite/7up with me.
Also things like milk, meal replacement drinks like Complan help too.
Even a cup of tea with sugar and milk would be good.
When will this feeling stop?
Will it ever stop?
I'm freaking out about going back tomorrow.
I just want to feel normal again :-(
electrical_stormgirl
24-09-12, 12:37
How are things today Ruby, any better? Sending hugs :hugs:
Its going ok, im getting there and very gradually getting used to my new surroundings and colleagues.
I still have waves of anxiety and its worse in the morning. I think im ok and then all of a sudden the anxiety washes over me and I want to be sick!
I'm hoping it will get better each day until I look back on this and laugh - if only!
Thank you for asking though, not sure how I would have got through this without this site!
X
Freaking out again today.
Need reassurance!
Really wishing I never left my old job, im in a constant state of high anxiety!!
I feel for you Ruby, starting a new job can be really stressful.
How long until it isn't stressful anymore??
I can't bear it.
I text my old boss this morning to see if she'll have me back.
Its the only way I can see out of this.
scattychic
10-10-13, 11:22
Ive not been in work for over 2yrs as was a carer for my daughter, now able to work got job in retail now was previous job was working in mental health, I became ill with anxiety panic etc dud to burn out from caring, and now starting on 16hrs per wk and feel major anxious as first day today, its that not been socialising and frightened ill have anxiety there so appreciate your worries
psychocandy
13-12-13, 13:13
I know this is an old post but me too.
Every new job is the same. And I work on temp contracts....
Its never ending. With me its the being there thats an issue not the fact that I worry I wont be able to cope.
Its the huge difference in life I think. i.e. different place of work.
Hi Ruby,
I've literally just signed up to this forum after reading your post/s.
firstly, I feel bad for you as I know exactly what you're going through. I left my previous job as it simply didn't pay. I was working as a teaching assistant and loved it, but the money barely covered my standing order and I was losing money every month. One day, I realised that my account was nearly down to nothing and I simply 'had' to leave.
I got offered a role in residential care and, after feeling physically sick myself, with worry, anxiety and stress, I decided to leave.
I was lucky though, as a good friend of mine who works for his brother, offered me a job and I start tomorrow, (in about 5 hours actually, lol).
I've lost a stone in weight, look ill, and used to feel sick all the time. The staff were great, but, ultimately, it was the job role itself - it was the cause of my illness.
my advice, would be to ask yourself if it's the work colleagues, or the job itself that you find it difficult to deal with.
if the role was different and the colleagues the same, would it make you feel any better? On the other hand, if it was the same job role, but with different people, then would that help?
I missed my old working colleagues, like crazy!!! The inner turmoil, knowing that they all got to see each other on a daily basis, and I didn't, was what hurt the most.
it'll get easier with time, but if it still feels terrible after the first three to four months, then I would consider a change of scenery.
I too asked for my old job back - I felt as though I'd hapoily quit smoking, stop all of my unnecessary purchases - anything to return to what I knew best.......my old role, but it was no good - the damage had been done and my old role, filled.
Do what I did:
Log onto indeed, reed, or any other mixture of job sites, search for roles that reflect what you wish to pursue in your career and apply for as many as you can muster. It makes it easier, knowing that even whilst you're at yor current job, there's still a large chance that your application/s are out there (sent away to your next, potential, future employer), and that you just might get out of the current place that you appear to hate so much.
I used to do that. I'd apply for at least one or two jobs during the week and then hit the searches hard during weekends and apply for more. Don't apply for just 'anything' though (even though the temptation is there), as you could just be jumping out of the frying pan, and into the fire.
like I say, apply for a couple of jobs that really are for you. Do this a few times during the week (or over a two week period - application forms can be tedious to complete ), and smile with the knowledge that you're actually doing something about it whilst you're off, at home.
It's a great feelung when you take that lunch break and refresh your email inbox - could there be a response from that job you've recently shown an interest in?
Like I said earlier, I know that I've been lucky, as my friend really did throw me a life line. I feel for you and fully understand where you're coming from, so try what I suggested and be as calm as you can.
someone comented on your need to continue to eat........they're right! I know it's difficult, but try eating small snacks if that helps. Keep apllying for jobs as I found it made my current role(the one I hated), expendable, in a strange way.
keep your chin up and lemme know how you get on. I need to sleep now as my new role starts soon and I've got my fingers crossed that it all goes well.
together we'll do it!
Matt x
I havent worked for 2 years
I had a fairly decent job which i left suddenly in Dec 2014 due to a wave of depression. My partner works so we have been living off his wage and coping but having no spare money and going overdrawn here and there
I have 3 kids so have been full time mum for the last 2 years..
I saw a job advertised for a shop 20 hours a week and i thought i need to get myself out and normalise myself as i have been fairly un social. Its mistly for sorting stock but now they want me to do till training
Im scared because im useless at maths i mean i have always struggled with numbers, i find my sons primary school maths difficult. And because i dont like face to face contact with the public.. i panic!!
I want to better myself. And the job itself was mostly stock sorting, but its only my 3rd day and the staff have been saying that they are really stressed out.
I have been having anxiety dreams bad ones and trying to convince myself ut will be ok but i think my mental health has just got worse since starting
---------- Post added at 08:30 ---------- Previous post was at 08:05 ----------
Forgot to mention im doing full time for 2 weeks and then the part time hrs kich in
I already feel an inconvenience to my kids and mum who is helping me take my youngest to school as i cant do it now due to work
I do still have to get up at 6.30 drop off my husband into thevtrain station ( 5 miles) then drive 6 miles north ti take my oldest kids to school at rush hour then drop youngest child at my mums and then go to work so as you can imagine im stressed even befre work starts
So here I am, 5 years after my original post, googling this issue and come across my own post!!!
Following this post, I actually gave in and went back to my old job. Things went well, I eventually got a promotion and glad I made that decision. We then went through a merge and everything changed, I was essentially demoted, half the company left and the new company was awful and treated employees badly.
So, I got a new job and started on Monday. Thought I would feel better this time as I couldn't wait to leave but here I am, anxious again and all I want to do is go back to what I know.
How do I conquer this???
How do I conquer this???
Hi Ruby, I read this thread at just the right time as I'm feeling exactly the same. I start a new job tomorrow and I'm sick to my stomach. It's only 24 hours a week so two 12 hour days but I'm so nervous.
My worry is always that I won't get on with anyone. Today I went for a meeting and left with so many worries. Will I fit in with these people? Will I actually be able to do this job? How soon can I leave if I hate it?
I keep thinking why did I give up my job when I was so comfortable there? I'd rather have had no progression opportunities and lower pay than this anxious feeling for weeks. And because I'm only working 2 days I feel like it will take sooo much longer to settle in.
I'm hoping in a month or twos time that I'll start to feel like I made the right decision. As for your question, I'm wondering how I conquer this too. If it's any help, I'm coping better with this new situation than I ever have before. I used to sob, hyperventilate and shake before something like this. So just feeling sick is progress! I think the key is not to shy away from anything out of your comfort zone, push yourself into your uncomfortable zone even if you hate yourself at first for it.
Keep me updated! X
That is exactly how I feel, why am I giving up the familiarity and safety of my old job and putting myself through this when it is clearly damaging my mental health?
But I also feel that if I don't conquer it this time, it will hold me back for the rest of my life, I will never be able to change jobs.
I guess I just need reassurance that these feelings will pass because at the moment, it doesn't feel like they will.
Maybe we can help each other through this?
---------- Post added at 15:15 ---------- Previous post was at 13:43 ----------
. I start a new job tomorrow and I'm sick to my stomach. X
Just realised you started today! Hope it's going ok, let me know how you got on x
Thanks all for replying. Its nice to hear people have been in similar situations and that it does pass so there is hope.
I can't help the not eating, its how my anxiety manifests itself and of course it doesn't help because it makes me feel weak and tired.
I have tried talking to them, asking them questions but its so one sided, they don't give much away and don't ask me questions. I came from such a friendly office so this is so hard. I just want to run away and not come back but I can't.
I guess I need to look for a new job so I can find somwhere that fits better but in the mean time I am stuck here feeling like this.
Dear Ruby.
My heart goes out to you, but moving to any new job is stressful even for those without nerves. You will I am sure settle down , just do your best and wait until that happens.
I remember the last new job I had, it was a completely different job that I had never done before, but in the same work place and I was a nervous wreck , thanks to my previous position. On my first day I was so sick with anxiety and unable to cope I had to be taken home. The next day I went to see the doctor for a prescription and he wouldn´t give me anything so I went back to my second day feeling like you know what, then went to see my own doctor , who knew me and what I was normally like and he gave me a prescription, unfortunately it didnt suite me and really jacked up the anxiety, but I still went into work. So I know how your are feeling Ruby, but like me you are sticking it out and that has to be applauded. well done you. As everyone else is telling you, stick with it and you will feel better, if you decide the place is not for you , you ca always look for something else.
The main thing is to keep going and thats what you are doing. Hope you settle very soon and meet some nice people to be friends with xx :hugs:
We then went through a merge and everything changed, I was essentially demoted, half the company left and the new company was awful and treated employees badly.
This time it seems different Ruby. Your old place is not the same anymore and you would probably regret it if you ever went back there. It takes a while to settle in to a new place. Just take it a day at a time and do your best. Try to make friends with as many of your colleagues as possible. Join in anything you can to get to know them. After a while you'll be suprised how long you've been there and how much more settled you have become!
Oh poor you, must be awful feeling anxious and people not being friendly, I'm sure once you get to know them and they know you things will get better, I know how it feels to be the newbie and not know anyone or anything but hang on in there and I'm sure you'll soon love it, good luck x
Just realised you started today! Hope it's going ok, let me know how you got on x
Well no surprise it wasn't half as bad as i had anticipated it to be. My colleagues were nice and helpful. However there's an opportunity at the moment for a full time job in another department so I've emailed my interest as really I didn't want to work on weekends but it was all that was available at the time. So now the same feelings are back :doh:
I'm panicking about if I'll have to have another interview with them again, and now I'm thinking if I was to get the job then would those people be as nice at that department. Anxiety is just a vicious cycle isn't it!
How are things going with you? X
Thanks for all your comments. It does feel different this time as I know what I left behind wasn't great but I also still miss working with my fun friends terribly! It's almost like pining for them haha.
Glad your first day wasn't as bad as you thought Leah. I still feel very unsettled and questioning my decision but the anxiety isn't completely debilitating right now so that's progress!
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