wont let myself.be happy.!worry im going to.be the one!

[hollymuso]

Hi everyone! This.may sound ridiculous but I'm.lying in.bed unable to.sleep...again.. focusing on.every twitch, every ache ,anything that could possibly be a problem! And this isn't the first time either. For a while now ..specially leading up to.quitting smoking and since.( month). I believed I had lung cancer so Much I went doc and felt silly. I'm.25 and thought is be the unlucky young person! I have had a shoulder pain for about 4 months you see... a symptom sometimes of something wrong with lung or chest etc...doc said it was a muscle and to wait for.it to heal ....it hasn't. But as Ithink if it was something serious it wouldn't be getting less...it would worsen?? And I'd feel a lot miller right? Lol.
See writing this is upsetting as I am an ex anxiety sufferer. Took over my life in 2010. I've since had great times and specially this last year with my new relationship and becoming a vocal coach etc...I have felt truly happy least few days and its made me worse! For some mad reason I am fearing death so much ... I think.now things are gonna get good for me ( finally) then something bad is bound to.happen. I Google every pain... I think any joint pain is related to cancer and now...I've found out my auntie has breast cancer!! Subconsciously that must be affecting me! But I'm.writing to.anyone out there to maybe offer some advice or tell me I'm not alone?! My family no longer listen to my worries ...they think .I make a fuss and worry tooooo much!! Which is true but now I feel more alone! Is any of this normal ? I also have pcos and am late as usual and struggling with hormones( causing more anxious feelings) which may be contributing?? And the quitting smoking may have been contributing to.health things I'm sure. What I can't get is why when im so happy am I worrying ...part of me freaks myself out thinking I'm foreseeing the future or something which brings on all.kinds of crap :-( please can anyone help me. I'm gonna ruin tthe first time in my life I've really been normal.and happy and on the road to good things :-(((

[fred_h]

I can tell you, or rather confirm, that smoking cessation sends you through a whole world of new sensations and aches ! ;) I've quit myself and the first months have been an ordeal... ironically my anxiety came back because of sudden and stupid health worries, right when I was doing the best I could have ever done for my health through quitting.

Now the good news is... it'll get better soon, really ))

[hollymuso]

Thank you ! That was some comfort..I.just sobbed my heart out begging to ...I don't know who to.not let me go ...I fear this is crazy! I went down to my dad crying he says I need to go and see the doctor tomorrow to get them to refer me to a psychiatrist..says I need help! I had blood test couple ish months back and my blood count and anemia rest all cake back perfect! So .I'm guessing if I.had cancer they could be different?? ...god listen to me! Going on...I feel stupid! I even do kind charitable thing in life to help.others as I believe for some reason that will mean life will be kinda to me... I know UK probably not the only one out there but I do think I'm getting way too obsessive ...!!!!! My fav time of year coming to too Halloween ...Xmas ..and bday! And I spose cause i used to joke when younger I wouldn't prob get past 25 I.know think...why did I say that and think does that mean??..and what if?? The worst things ay!! I just am so excited about the future I don't want anything to ruin it! Don't suppose you kite what I.mean?
Thank.again for your reply and sorry to.ramble! :-(