miller
02-08-06, 17:37
hello,
i don't know if i'm in the right place. if this is not really where i should be posting please just tell me and if you can recommend somewhere more suitable then i would appreciate that.
lately i am worrying about death a huge huge amount. specifically, i'm worrying about my partner dying. i don't quite know how to articulate this; i haven't spoken with anyone about it, it's just been floating around in my mind so i'm not sure how to put it all into words.
my partner and i live outside of london, which is where he works. and every day i worry myself sick that 'something will happen' - terrorists, a mugging, an accident on the train/tube - that kind of thing. we are a very close couple and he sends me text messages throughout the day - when he's on the train, when he's off the tube, when he arrives at work - and later, when he leaves, what train he is on etc. if one of these is later than 'usual' i just seem to get gripped by fear. i sweat and i can't focus on anything.
at first i thought this was an insecurity about him - that he was perhaps lazy/slow, taking diversions for whatever reason, or simply didn't care. but after one day where his battery died and i was beside myself, and he saw how i was - it was awful, we'd had a bit of a row and were making up and then his messages stopped, i didn't know what to do. i was at work, and thought that no way on earth could i have come home, what was i supposed to do, just sit and wait? what if something had happened, i wouldn't know... and so on. by complete chance we ran into each other at the train station and i know he understands how i felt that day, i was angry at him for letting it happen (not charging his phone) but that incident has not repeated and i trust in him.
by the way, that isn't where it started - it started when he began working in london.
every morning i am scared, and i make sure he never ever leaves the house with an unresolved argument between us - i get almost paralysed with fear at the thought of him dying and thinking i'm angry, or having the last words i hear be cold, angry, upset.
i suppose that's it in a nutshell. i just don't know what to do, it's consuming me. and i am aware of how ridiculous it is - millions of people go to work in london every day! but nothing i say to myself seems to help.
i said above that he knows how i feel - i have never said to him 'i'm scared of you dying' - i have said i'm scared of something happening and i worry when his texts are late, but i haven't revealed the extent of this, i think it would be burdening him.
if anyone out there can give me any advice i'd really appreciate it.
thanks for reading
miller
i don't know if i'm in the right place. if this is not really where i should be posting please just tell me and if you can recommend somewhere more suitable then i would appreciate that.
lately i am worrying about death a huge huge amount. specifically, i'm worrying about my partner dying. i don't quite know how to articulate this; i haven't spoken with anyone about it, it's just been floating around in my mind so i'm not sure how to put it all into words.
my partner and i live outside of london, which is where he works. and every day i worry myself sick that 'something will happen' - terrorists, a mugging, an accident on the train/tube - that kind of thing. we are a very close couple and he sends me text messages throughout the day - when he's on the train, when he's off the tube, when he arrives at work - and later, when he leaves, what train he is on etc. if one of these is later than 'usual' i just seem to get gripped by fear. i sweat and i can't focus on anything.
at first i thought this was an insecurity about him - that he was perhaps lazy/slow, taking diversions for whatever reason, or simply didn't care. but after one day where his battery died and i was beside myself, and he saw how i was - it was awful, we'd had a bit of a row and were making up and then his messages stopped, i didn't know what to do. i was at work, and thought that no way on earth could i have come home, what was i supposed to do, just sit and wait? what if something had happened, i wouldn't know... and so on. by complete chance we ran into each other at the train station and i know he understands how i felt that day, i was angry at him for letting it happen (not charging his phone) but that incident has not repeated and i trust in him.
by the way, that isn't where it started - it started when he began working in london.
every morning i am scared, and i make sure he never ever leaves the house with an unresolved argument between us - i get almost paralysed with fear at the thought of him dying and thinking i'm angry, or having the last words i hear be cold, angry, upset.
i suppose that's it in a nutshell. i just don't know what to do, it's consuming me. and i am aware of how ridiculous it is - millions of people go to work in london every day! but nothing i say to myself seems to help.
i said above that he knows how i feel - i have never said to him 'i'm scared of you dying' - i have said i'm scared of something happening and i worry when his texts are late, but i haven't revealed the extent of this, i think it would be burdening him.
if anyone out there can give me any advice i'd really appreciate it.
thanks for reading
miller