uk23
22-09-12, 07:07
I know this isn't technically Health Anxiety but I wasn't quite sure where else to put it.
In the space of five years I have gone from an overweight, fairly happy, capable, fun and exciting person to a underweight, suicidal, disabled and boring person.
A few examples
Before GAD/BPD/OCD started:
1) Completed college, had unconditional offer for Portsmouth university
2) Decided to take a year to think, started work and quickly built up the start of a promising carer in IT
3) Went out regularly with friends
4) Went on holidays as much as possible
5) Enjoyed computer gaming, photography, golf, shooting and many other activities
6) Loved food and weighed 23 stone, although I was happy with it and, at 6ft4, it looked OK on me
Five years later
1) Leave the house maybe once every two weeks
2) Unable to work
3) Have lost all friends and have a girlfriend who is getting fed up
4) No money and unable to leave the house
5) Use over 200 disposable gloves per day just to do the basics like shower, eat, open doors etc
6) Lost all interest in everything I used to enjoy
7) HATE food as all it does is cause pain and suffering (IBS, bloating, cramps etc) and now weigh 12st.
8) Medication resistant although trying Mirtazapine
9) Constant anxiety, pain and misery
10) Think about killing myself nearly all the time, it's my only mental escape and the thought brings me a little comfort but frustration as I don't have the guts to do it
11) Spend the rest of the time crying
12) Sex drive has totally gone
I really don't know what to do now, I know I am grieving my old self, the promising future I had and the things I used to be able to do. It just never seems to get better at all.
In the space of five years I have gone from an overweight, fairly happy, capable, fun and exciting person to a underweight, suicidal, disabled and boring person.
A few examples
Before GAD/BPD/OCD started:
1) Completed college, had unconditional offer for Portsmouth university
2) Decided to take a year to think, started work and quickly built up the start of a promising carer in IT
3) Went out regularly with friends
4) Went on holidays as much as possible
5) Enjoyed computer gaming, photography, golf, shooting and many other activities
6) Loved food and weighed 23 stone, although I was happy with it and, at 6ft4, it looked OK on me
Five years later
1) Leave the house maybe once every two weeks
2) Unable to work
3) Have lost all friends and have a girlfriend who is getting fed up
4) No money and unable to leave the house
5) Use over 200 disposable gloves per day just to do the basics like shower, eat, open doors etc
6) Lost all interest in everything I used to enjoy
7) HATE food as all it does is cause pain and suffering (IBS, bloating, cramps etc) and now weigh 12st.
8) Medication resistant although trying Mirtazapine
9) Constant anxiety, pain and misery
10) Think about killing myself nearly all the time, it's my only mental escape and the thought brings me a little comfort but frustration as I don't have the guts to do it
11) Spend the rest of the time crying
12) Sex drive has totally gone
I really don't know what to do now, I know I am grieving my old self, the promising future I had and the things I used to be able to do. It just never seems to get better at all.