NoPoet
22-09-12, 19:15
Hi all,
I had my 15th session of CBT today. Why so many? Well basically, my therapist and I discussed my progress. In some areas I am recovering rapidly, in others I haven't made much progress. My therapist says that since I have suffered elements of GAD, OCD, health anxiety, social anxiety, stress and depression, I must have been in the bad books of the God of Nervous Illness.
Basically I've had a crapload of things wrong with me and it's been literally impossible to beat them all in such a short space of time.
However, if you'll allow some self-flattery, she thinks my fight against all this crap has been so viciously fought and I have changed so much in the last few months that she needs to re-diagnose me... so she's giving me a free session next week which we'll spend doing various tests.
She said the session is free as this is a matter of personal interest for her and is not related to her general duties as a psychotherapist. My dad thinks she's writing a book about me :roflmao:
Basically, my therapist says my illness is probably not a matter of "mental illness".* In other words she thinks the anxiety may NOT be the illness itself - the anxiety is a symptom of a different problem, something we haven't seen yet. This different problem is something within me, perhaps some basic fault in my "programming", hence the very in-depth tests.
Imagine a drawing of a circle within a circle. The outer circle is labelled "mental illness" and has Anxiety, Depression and OCD written in it. The inner circle is blacked out with a white question mark in it. Whatever lurks within the black circle is generating the crap in the outer circle. It's enough to make your head spin.
We have agreed that the black circle is probably hiding some basic, fundamental conflict. (This is guaranteed to be horrendous to face and will probably smash my sense of who I am, or rather who I was.) Everything about me is conflicted. I am brave to the point of foolhardiness, yet I am too anxious to find a girlfriend. I have a lot of willpower, yet I spend silly money. I am highly positive about my illness but I am always complaining about something at work. If we can find out why I am so conflicted about EVERYTHING, we may have the magic key to unlock the anxiety.
I feel like a Eurofighter pilot, flying with weapons hot into a storm that hides an enemy unknown. (Sorry, just had to get an X-COM reference in here somehow! :yesyes:)
I'm scared... but there's something inside me that is pushing me onwards. Maybe my subconscious is now starting to believe there is hope, where before I only saw more anxiety. My therapist is starting to suggest we can break this illness once and for all... maybe!
* Anxiety and depression are classed as "common mental illness" as they are illnesses of the mind. Mental illness does NOT always mean psychosis. That's the ignorant media use of the word.
I had my 15th session of CBT today. Why so many? Well basically, my therapist and I discussed my progress. In some areas I am recovering rapidly, in others I haven't made much progress. My therapist says that since I have suffered elements of GAD, OCD, health anxiety, social anxiety, stress and depression, I must have been in the bad books of the God of Nervous Illness.
Basically I've had a crapload of things wrong with me and it's been literally impossible to beat them all in such a short space of time.
However, if you'll allow some self-flattery, she thinks my fight against all this crap has been so viciously fought and I have changed so much in the last few months that she needs to re-diagnose me... so she's giving me a free session next week which we'll spend doing various tests.
She said the session is free as this is a matter of personal interest for her and is not related to her general duties as a psychotherapist. My dad thinks she's writing a book about me :roflmao:
Basically, my therapist says my illness is probably not a matter of "mental illness".* In other words she thinks the anxiety may NOT be the illness itself - the anxiety is a symptom of a different problem, something we haven't seen yet. This different problem is something within me, perhaps some basic fault in my "programming", hence the very in-depth tests.
Imagine a drawing of a circle within a circle. The outer circle is labelled "mental illness" and has Anxiety, Depression and OCD written in it. The inner circle is blacked out with a white question mark in it. Whatever lurks within the black circle is generating the crap in the outer circle. It's enough to make your head spin.
We have agreed that the black circle is probably hiding some basic, fundamental conflict. (This is guaranteed to be horrendous to face and will probably smash my sense of who I am, or rather who I was.) Everything about me is conflicted. I am brave to the point of foolhardiness, yet I am too anxious to find a girlfriend. I have a lot of willpower, yet I spend silly money. I am highly positive about my illness but I am always complaining about something at work. If we can find out why I am so conflicted about EVERYTHING, we may have the magic key to unlock the anxiety.
I feel like a Eurofighter pilot, flying with weapons hot into a storm that hides an enemy unknown. (Sorry, just had to get an X-COM reference in here somehow! :yesyes:)
I'm scared... but there's something inside me that is pushing me onwards. Maybe my subconscious is now starting to believe there is hope, where before I only saw more anxiety. My therapist is starting to suggest we can break this illness once and for all... maybe!
* Anxiety and depression are classed as "common mental illness" as they are illnesses of the mind. Mental illness does NOT always mean psychosis. That's the ignorant media use of the word.