View Full Version : going round in circles
Hi all,
I feel like I am going round and round in circles with my anxiety. I have suffered now for 3.5 years and I would say over the last year and half it has been less severe but still enough to cause me stress.
There have been times when I have felt like I have got my anxiety under control and then suddenly I am back into panic mode. I am definetly back into panic mode at the moment.:(
I have been seeing a Kinesiologist which has been great. I have been receiving lots of positive benefits from this therapy but I havent seen her for 5 weeks and I feel I slipping back into my old negative thinking ways!!! I see her again on Saturday so hopefully I will feel a bit better again.
I had my last palpitations at Xmas and New year until saturday night. I was at a birthday party, where I had a couple of drinks which has been the first in months and at the end of the night I had the worse panic attack ever. I was so upset because I just felt I couldnt cope and I felt weak and stupid.
I have noticed however over the last few weeks that I have been worrying about my symptoms again, in particular my chest pains, dizziness, irregular heart beats etc... I still have the 'what if' thoughts. I keep thinking 'what if ' now I have a heart problem due to all this worry and stress. I just dont know how I will get over this fear.
I have been feeling a bit down lately too due to some stress at work and I had some stress in the family too. I just feel I will always be like this because I just cant get over the hurdle of believing that there is nothing physically wrong with me. I read the notes on the home page of this forum and Nicola wrote...unless you believe you are physically ok you will not start the healing process. I think this is my problem...I just cant seem to believe that I am ok.
Does anyone else feel like me?[:0]
I am sorry for going on and on about how crappy I am feeling, I know you have all got your own anxiety to cope with. I guess I just needed to get things of my chest.
Take care
sadie
Hiya Sadie
Yes I totally feel the same way. In fact I was at the doctors today and discussed it with her so she upped my medication [?]
Ive had a really good couple of weeks lately but a couple of times I have started to feel the old symptoms coming back again...tight and achey chest, faster heartbeat, nausea etc.
Its driving me mad because I have been doing so well and then it kicks me back down again.
In 6 days time I will have been suffering for 2 years and like you say im nowhere near as bad as I was, I can function fairly well on my own with a few limitations but these limitations feel like they close in when the symptoms come back to haunt you again dont they?
The only thing I can say (here goes the voice of reasoning..lol) is dont give in. You were so much worse before and you got over it(to a degree), you will do it again. I know its hard and dissapointing but its definately possible.
Did you write a diary when you were at your worst? Look back or think back to how it was for you then and take comfort in the fact that you have done so well to get this far you can get back up there again!
Take care hon and dont worry about off loading on us, its what we are here for!!!
love Sarah
xx
we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)
Thanks Sarah
To be honest I just needed to get my thoughts out on paper (so to speak). I dont really talk to anyone about my anxiety anymore apart from my husband as I feel everyone thinks I am just back to my old self whe I am clearly not. You guys are the only ones I can really talk to.
I just keep thinking to myself that people will get bored of me as they will be thinking 'here she goes again...moaning or talking about her health again'. Its not really a particularly nice trait to be self-obsorbed is it???
Anyway, thanks for listening and I hope you feel ok too.
sadie
april tones
02-06-04, 21:53
hi sadie, so sorry to hear your down.Try not to worry, i felt like that other week, as if i was going backwards. I thought i was gonna be ill again, next day i was fine. Think it was cos i hardly slept as my little boy has been up in night with teething. I feel loads better and know from earlier episode of this that you do get better. Try writing list of things you have improved on and you will see how far you have really come, speak soon, love april. Ps i hardly have p.attacks but get chest symptoms alot and palpitations, doc said its normal. Mine have only just started too x
apriltones
Hiya Sadie
I only really let it out to you guys too. Anyone else and I just say 'yeah im still nuts' and change the subject..lol. I dont want people to get bored with me!
love Sarah
xx
we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)
Hiya Sadie,
I also feel like I've been going round in circles for the last heaven knows how many years!
I also feel that people will be thinking that I'm moaning, cos thats all I ever seem to do!
Still, who else understands us as well as fellow panickers??
Take care
Kate x
Thanks April and Sarah,
I know I will pick myself up again, I think I just get annoyed with myself sometimes and I get tired of feeling the same way all the time. I do know that its down to me to change it and I will keep at it, its just I feel a bit down just now.
Thanks for the support though.
sadie
Thanks Kate,
Im glad Im not alone that I have you guys to help pick me up again. Atleast we all know how each other is truley feeling!
Take care
sadie
hi sadie,never worry about posting!as just writing it down is part of the healing process.ime sorry your feeling so bad at the moment,so maybe we need to rethink wots happening! it seems to me your spending too much time thinking about your symptoms,i dont mean that in a rude way,but trying to be constructive!
when this happens,we have to distract our mind,its not easy to do,but with practice,over a period of a week or so,can be rewarding..a new hobby..painting..jigsaws..simple crosswords..felt pens/paint by numbers can be fun..writing poems..try something new,that you havent tried before,in fact anything that will distract your mind,even if its just for a few minutes,it will be giving your emotions,a well deserved breather!
keep posting matey,we all care about you....bryan.
Bryan
I know what you are saying is right, it has been said before by Meg, hubby and my kinesiologist. I do need to occupy my mind more with a hobby and I know I need to make an effort with this. I feel annoyed with myself as it must seem like I am not listening and not wanting to help myself but thats not true. I really do but I just dont seem to have the same willpower or determination anymore....this is something I need to push myself with.
Thanks for listening to me....again!!!
Take care
sadie
sadie,have a think for a few minutes,and post on here,one hobby,subject,that youve always thought youd like to do,but never had the time! even if its some outside interest,such as go carting,skating,bowling,let us know,just out of interest....bryan.
Hiya,
I just want to say that all 3 of you Kate, Sarah and Sadie have improved a great deal since when I first met you all.
Kate had a miserable time with a nasty bout of depression but is more assertive and has taken on more at work than previously and has managed time and again to go out and do whats needed at Asda. It may not come easily but none of those things were within te realm of possibility previously
Sarah, You've had fits and starts but have been doing more recently than ever- coped with a grim holiday situation, got over scenes at home, went to London, enjoyed shopping, went for hypnosis.
Sadie,
Would you like me to find and send you a sample of one of your emails from over New Years - now they were when you were really worried and did have some horrible symptoms, yet you survived and indeed blossomed since then as you've been handling stuff so much better.
As you grow and learn to cope with some anxiety better we change our expectations of where our 'normals' are so we expect less anxiety and thus when we have a blip or difficult situation we respond as though its foreign and new to us and the feelings and symptoms seem so much worse as they're no longer in our realm of normal and expected.
You might like to think about how you're taking care of yourself these days - has something slipped in your lifestyle, have you forgotten any mantras and distraction techniques that were useful...
AS ever the way through is to totally ignore and not give energy to any symptoms-
Recovery comes when you can remain completely calm in the presence of anxiety symptoms.
I could mostly cope reasonably with the body symptoms but I had such a hard time convincing myself I wasn't going mad miles away from home and thinking I'd forget who I was and how to get home. This probably because I had my first 2 PA's 200 miles away from home BUT never failed to get home even all depersonalized and in a right state - but it was just the worst memory to let go of.
Sadie- your heart is fine.
Keep those thoughts rational.
Meg
'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'
Dr.David Livingstone
Sometimes it does feel as if you are going around in circles and you start to wonder if it is never ending.
I think it must be part of the healing process.
I thought after my first bout of panic 4 years ago I would never suffer with it again.
Yet I found myself turning into an agrophobic panic monster.
As I was told that if you have suffered with panic or depression then you are more likely to have it return.
I think it only takes one incident of panic after weeks, months or years, to remind our brains what panic feels like and before we know it we are sucked into the circle of panic.
I guess the only thing we can do is try to keep it real, be positive and try not to get sucked into the circle of panic.
Love, light and Best wishes
Liz xxx
With hard work and determination and all the things you know.
The world is there for you to take. There's nowhere you can't go.
[:p]Scatty Eccentric & 'Poet Laureate to panic and anxiety'
Sadie and everyone,
Meg is (as ever) absolutely bang on- we are all better than we were, although sometimes it doesn't feel like it. We all have blips- get dunked back into panic and/or anxiety, but that's part of the healing process. We are ALL improving, it just takes a while, yeah? I'm in the depths of a blip at the moment, and I'm jittery and bad thoughts are about, but I can kill them most of the time. I focus on 2 things: IT'S A BLIP, and I AM RECOVERING. Anxiety/ panic does NOT mean that we can't enjoy life as next as the next person, arguably more (since our thing makes us more aware about the fragility of people's feelings and thus more kindly disposed generally- spread the happiness). So there.
Keep the faith,
Alex.
xx
Outside a dog, a book is a man's best friend.
Inside a dog, it's too dark to read.
-Groucho Marx.
Meg,
I know you are right and that I have achieved a few things.
BUT, I believe we never focus on the achievements as we take the overall picture and concentrate on all the bad feelings and things that we still avoid.
The big, bad depression monster has once again come to visit me and this is when I feel at my most vulnerable and most unable to deal with even the most minor crises.
Take care everyone
Kate x
Hi Sadie,
hang on in there. I've been having a bad few days and even though I'm still new at this I know how disheartening that is :(. Meg pepped me up yesterday and so far it is working:). Also had reflexology and although I didn't sleep any better I felt more relaxed in bed.
I'm sure you are much better than you were but I know it is hard to believe at times,
chin up :D:D:D
love Tess
Kate,
How much of this depression is to do with the planned move and your feelings surrounding your part in this or about H at work ?
Meg
Caz Fab Pants
03-06-04, 14:55
Sadie,
I know exactly what you mean about going round in circles but unfortuately it seems to be a trait of this kind of problem. One day you can be totally fine and feeling in control and the next day it all goes pear shaped.
I have learnt that it is important not to get too disheartened at the first sign of a slight dip in your progress, because if you do it will just magnify the problem and you'll be more likely to continue on the downward slope.
Its so much easier said than done though, I know. I had a great day yesterday and did lots of things without a flutter of anxiety or panic and yet today I've had a huge panic attack and ended up not doing what I set out to do. This has left me feeling pretty gutted but I'm going to try not to dwell on it and just keep busy.
God it seems silly me giving advice. Does anyone else feel like that?
Caroline
x
Caroline,
No matter where you are in your recovery - everyone has something to share with others.
It can be encouragement and motivation - which is so needed and uplifting
A practical tip that may ease someone elses suffering
Bringing up a new symptom that others may have felt but not wanted to ask about.
Mostly its the knowledge that you are not alone in this quest
It never fails to amaze me how many people register onto this forum and just watch - sometimes daily for weeks but never post.
If one of our posts hits the spot with one of our quieter members then it's been well worth posting it - but we'll often never know so thank you and please post away..
Meg
'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'
Dr.David Livingstone
Meg - Thanks for that...I know you are so right regarding how far I have come especially from the withdrawal symptoms I experienced at Xmas and New Year. I guess I get impatient with my anxiety and wish it would go away NOW!!! Obviously I know that wont happen but I cant help wanting this.
I think I have just let things slip over this last month or so. Particualrly worrying about the same old symptoms again and the constant worrying thoughts.It is difficult sometimes to see the positive things of this when you feel so crappy all the time but I guess I wont always feel like this.
Bryan touched on the 'distraction' thing again which I know I have spoken to you about before too. I know I need to make more of an effort with this as I think it will help occupy this busy mind of mine!!!
Anyway, thanks again for listening and helping.
sadie
Hiya Sadie
Thats what I find hardest of all...keeping things up and not letting them slip. Its like youve always got to be trying and pushing yourself and keeping up with the exercise/diet/relaxation/distraction/breathing..the list could go on...lol
Sometimes I dont want to go out and cant work out if its because im feeling down or just dont feel like it. I feel that I can never say no to going out anymore because peole automatically think im not trying when all it really is is that im tired or my favourite programme is on. It drives me crazy!
im guessing I dont need to ask if anyone else feels like this as im sure im not alone here.
love Sarah
xx
we arent mad, just the next stage of evolution :)
Meg,
When we put the house on the market I was full of positives and felt the time was right for a change.
The "H" situation didnt start until a few weeks ago, but has really stressed me out badly, to the point that I am contemplating leaving the job.
We were having a few problems with the house we were buying, and this was just adding to the stress.
I started having panic attacks again and my mood started to slump about a week or so ago.
Anyway, after a lot of soul searching, rows and discussions, we decided that the house wasnt for us and that we would pull out of it altogether.
Who knows whether I would have felt better moving? Will never know the answer to that one.
All I know is that, although I'm feeling guilty,especially about letting down the couple who were buying our house, I am also feeling a great sense of relief.
Have I given in and avoided again though? or was it just not the right house?
Not really sure at the moment on that one, only time will tell.
Kate x
Caz Fab Pants
04-06-04, 17:16
Kate r,
Thats such a difficult one to answer and even you may never truely know the answer.
Sometimes having a valid reason for not doing something can still be an excuse, just a very well disguised one. I know because I do it alot and its only when my bf points out that I'm being a control freak that I realise I've done it.
I know it could be that you've avoided again but try not to beat yourself up over it.
Caroline
x
feelinbetter
11-06-04, 17:24
I'm new to the forum and I've never been part of a forum before. Been reading alot from other members and its wonderful to know I can identify with others in my anxiety. Its also uplifting to hear ideas of what works. For me, things like exercise, deep breathing, prayer and faith, being with other people and just getting out of the house and going somewhere noisy helps.
I've discovered through counseling that loss is the biggest trigger of anxiety for me. My father died last year of leukemia and it was a rough year. Now I've been focusing - too much - on the youngest of my 2 children leaving for college - not for another year - and its really scaring me. I want to be able to enjoy this year with her and wish her well, but everytime the subject of her being a senior next year comes up, I could throw up! But I try not to let her see it because I don't want her to have any additional anxiety about where to go to college or what major to choose.
Anyone have ideas on how to "prepare" for the empty nest without crippling anxiety?
Thank you!
Hi Feelinbetter
Welcome to the site. I hope
Please do feel free to post as well as here in the introduction section where more people will visit and welcome you.
My issues were inspired by loss as well. I'll post more later .
Meg
'There can only be true courage when first there is genuine fear'
Dr.David Livingstone
nomorepanic
11-06-04, 18:51
Hi feelinbetter
Welcome to the site. You will get a lot of support and advice here so please stick around.
Nicola
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