Dating Game!

[Bakerboy3685]

Hi there

Well after a traumatic year where I broke up with my girlfriend and now live alone, I am trying to meet someone new again. I do suffer from anxiety and before I go to meet someone new I am always incredibly nervous. However tonight I am meeting someone for the second time and after date one I feel I got on really well with her.

However the problem is I feel so much increased pressure tonight because I almost feel like I need to impress her so she wants to see me again. I will be extremely nervous before meeting her, but my main worry is if she doesn't want to see me again, as it makes me feel distraught. It happened to me a few years ago and I got depressed being on my own. When a girl broke up with me back them I felt so useless and ugly even though I know I am not.

I know meeting someone new is a long process but I'm worried it will lead to me feeling low again and that I get depressed spending time alone, something I am doing a lot more this year since my previous girlfriend moved out.

[Mr Brownstone]

Surely there was more pressure on the first date? A second date already proves she likes you.

And being on your own is nothing to worry about. Im happiest when im single myself.

[Bakerboy3685]

I know what your saying but now she has agreed to see me again I feel like I need it to go well or that will be that. We have been texting which is good but when I see her in the flesh is when it matters.

There are times when I am happy on my own but generally I don't like the thought of not knowing how long I could be single. I am much happier knowing I have someone there for me.

[blue October]

Hi Bakerboy

I always find a good quality in a person is when they are a good listener. also look at her a few seconds longer than usual when you meet and then complement her.

If you can make her feel comfortable and appreciated, hopefully the rest should be a walk in the park.

Good luck.

[theharvestmouse]

Where did you meet her Bakerboy?

[electrical_stormgirl]

How did it go? :hugs:

[Bakerboy3685]

It went ok thank you, it was only a cinema date so did not spend the evening deep in conversation but when we did talk it went well I think.

She has lots in common with me which is great, but I just feel I have more to loose then if it comes to nothing! I met her on a website as I find it very hard to meet people out and about these days. Nearly all my friends are in relationships so when I go out I often find I am the only single one.

[loopylu86]

I do internet dating and can assure you..I have never returned for seconds if the date didn't go well!! I have recently starting texting and skyping an amazing guy! I have put off meeting him for anxiety and panic reasons. He knows and understands but it still doesn't help because the nerves kick in really bad whenever I think of meeting him. I just don't know how I am going to come about it! How did you manage on the first date?

[Bakerboy3685]

I was very nervous on the first date but I guess I just had to go for it as otherwise I would never get to meet any new people. I always try and think to myself a first date is just that, so it's always 50/50 if they want to meet again. If they don't want to see me again, normally I think, well I tried my best

The second date always feels worse for me as if they agree to meet again I think they must want to give me another chance, so now I need to impress them more!

[fozzy is crying]

I was very nervous on the first date but I guess I just had to go for it as otherwise I would never get to meet any new people. I always try and think to myself a first date is just that, so it's always 50/50 if they want to meet again. If they don't want to see me again, normally I think, well I tried my best

The second date always feels worse for me as if they agree to meet again I think they must want to give me another chance, so now I need to impress them more!

Hiya,

Well perhaps they might also think they they need to impress you more. The upshot is both of you should just be yourselves.

Gordon

[Bakerboy3685]

Yeah I agree that you should always be yourself as there is no point being someone your not, as you will only get found out.

I just wish I didn't torture myself so much over things. It's bad being nervous about seeing someone but if they then don't want to see me again, I feel like life is falling apart. Even waiting for a reply on a text becomes a big deal and thoughts run through my head that I might have done something wrong and messed things up.

[fozzy is crying]

Yeah I agree that you should always be yourself as there is no point being someone your not, as you will only get found out.

I just wish I didn't torture myself so much over things. It's bad being nervous about seeing someone but if they then don't want to see me again, I feel like life is falling apart. Even waiting for a reply on a text becomes a big deal and thoughts run through my head that I might have done something wrong and messed things up.

Well think about it this way. You are getting out and meeting people so have human contact and some social life. Many including me have nothing and little or no chance of it changing.

[Bakerboy3685]

Is that because your anxiety is so bad you do not want to go out, or are you in a position where you have nothing to go out for?

[fozzy is crying]

Is that because your anxiety is so bad you do not want to go out, or are you in a position where you have nothing to go out for?

My story is a very long one. Suffice it to say I am retired, no family or friends and no support network with lots of deep problems and I have had to try and cope like that for a LONG TIME. As time goes no with no human contact it just adds to the overall mess. I cannot find or see any way it is ever going to change. I am in a very real catch 22.

Gordon

[Bakerboy3685]

I'm just reading your website, so sorry to see what you are going through. There is no point me pretending I know what it is like because I don't.

If you have no family then I can see why it must be so difficult. However turning your phone off from the world so nobody can contact you must make it worse.

I am not in a position like you so is hard for me to relate but surely you must go out to get food, supplies or how do you survive?

[fozzy is crying]

I'm just reading your website, so sorry to see what you are going through. There is no point me pretending I know what it is like because I don't.

If you have no family then I can see why it must be so difficult. However turning your phone off from the world so nobody can contact you must make it worse.

I am not in a position like you so is hard for me to relate but surely you must go out to get food, supplies or how do you survive?

My phone is not turned off. It never rings. I never get emails. Never have the door bell ring. However I feel so sorry for all those who have abandoned me as when and if something happens to me a lot will suffer a lot of guilt for having caused most of my problems.

I also feel sorry for them as they have no idea what it is to alone 24/7.

[theharvestmouse]

Just looked at your website fozzy, sorry for your isolation, mental illness is a terrible thing.

[fozzy is crying]

Just looked at your website fozzy, sorry for your isolation, mental illness is a terrible thing.

Thank you.

Gordon