View Full Version : big blip
i have been on a downward spiral lately , but am fighting -just need to get the strength to get out of this b### black hole :weep:
i know what i should be doing- [due to cbt last year]. but when a lot of things occur, it knocks me off my feet [and stamps on me really,,]. then i just can't think straight ,so get in a state with panic attacks etc [stupid really, when i say i forget how to breathe sometimes ].
do i need to say i had the crisis team out? etc . i am getting some help and it is slowly starting to help...i just thought if anyone else feels the saame they might not feel so alone? i don't know.:blush:
Anyway i am on 40mg cit and seeing cbt again for refresher sessions- this is good, i know.But what on earth am i supposed to put, when my first 'homework 'is a list of my achievements........... ? since breakdown recovery nearly 4 years ago.
run awayyyy..it works for me!
starlight78
25-09-12, 08:10
Hi there, it sounds like you're doing all the right things and you sound very insightful. You know what to do, but struggling at the mo to put it I to practise. The CBT refresher will help with that. Remember you have recovered before and you will again! This is a blip... albeit a big one :) x
yvonne_uk_98
25-09-12, 10:36
Hi,
so sorry to hear your going through rough time, you will get through this, you have before. I have faith in you, you can do this. I've pmed you.
thank you for replies and pm, i needed the hug .... crying again -but because you care..thankyou.
run awayyyy..it works for me!
CrimsonKiss
25-09-12, 11:51
thank you for replies and pm, i needed the hug .... crying again -but because you care..thankyou.
run awayyyy..it works for me!
That's what happens with me: someone shows that they care what is happening with me and I burst into tears, or big, wracking sobs.
yvonne_uk_98
25-09-12, 12:16
thank you for replies and pm, i needed the hug .... crying again -but because you care..thankyou.
run awayyyy..it works for me!
your very welcome, you can pm anytime. :hugs:
++okay as suggested am using htis as a diary , to see any imoprovement. so,just ignore what i write - trying to see pattern or posiitives, cos its for sure i miss any..... no self esteem , confidence. but try. i know things dont appllyto me but others .accompanied into town outsdie to get basics as no shop done did it .aldi. even had a bath first. i drove got lost??? but hey i still drove. cleaned kitchen sink polished it.went nuts eliminating bits ugh. sorry make me feel ill i know it is clean when bleach used my hands are clean if bleach used in kitchen- which never looks clean . made tea. friend here dont really know why she bothers im not a nice person these days sent pink song 'perfect',that made me cry- changed the words to myself why do i do that? fell asleep in chair later now awake bugger. o made ssure pets fed and watered.dishwasher filled must remember to turn it on this time my son has a crap mother he is so good able to be on automum for himhe has asperger dr coming to see him tomorrow so will be angry as missing few hours of college have explained it to him many times. remembered to set alarm that is a good thing now have to be there when it rings. instead of living another minute , now got to push for each day.. thgis si an improvement.next day now not next minute . stupid but have to. this is not really making sense i know what i mean. never mind i would rather not think. make sure all is secure will go to bed soon have to be up to phone college cant remember if i told them son will be in late ? not sure if this is a good idea will try . dont need to i am doing this as a bit of therapy? sorry ignore it .not going to read it just write for now headache, heartache very sad too many thoughts.i want a pensieve like in harry potter film to extract thoughts and store them away when my head feels full ...would be a great to be able to....waffling, i do when wound up, stop.
yvonne_uk_98
26-09-12, 10:11
Ammiemum,
My what a busy day you have. you drove even got lost, you managed it, thats a positive. :yesyes:
your not a bad mum, your a very good mum, because you make sure all the right things are done for your son. Well done :yesyes:
you have a lot going on, try and slow down a bit, try and take a bit of time for yourself.
and that great you have a friend who cares and spends time with you.
thinking of you. hope you have a better day today. :hugs:
today spent too much money,must not do this.raining .got mixed up on whether taken pills or not-took too many got on my own nerves typical huh. fell asleep in chair again now awake, sigh.feel life is running on and im getting left way behind got appointment wrong for sons psychologist today - i was supposed to phone and confirm when it was sent and forgot,was able to do it over the phone.cooked tea edible but c##p.. i tried feel so stupid all the time ,can't get stuff done and spend ages playing mindless games on pc. waiting for bad things.. ? my solution to things is not to be thought about. ideation? 'stop it. sleep probs don't help if i go to bed too early lay there for houdrs.got fish tank wrong:doh:.
forgett things. must write them down.tomorrow will do much...i feel all is my fault, did do some clicker training with dog 5-10 min better than none. lazy.
threw up -part of 'panic'
yvonne_uk_98
27-09-12, 10:12
thinking of you :hugs:
didn't get up till p.m. had to for farrier.helped to move horses to new field. used to enjoy it, wish i could think for mtself but dont trust my own judgement.i forgot to go and fetch stuff needed for fishtank ..bloke coming to sort it and put pipework in tomorrow, will have to go into town a.m. old friend visited this evening. she has set of problems too,it is not fair as she is lovely person, i was able to at least get her to talk about it.a good thing.was able to hide most of mine- i find it easier to do than to admit problems, years of practice and it is apparently a n easy role for me to slip into ..i have so much i must do and cant rouse the energy to start....
back again woke up with plans to do all sorts today.. 'lost purse' was found in friends car [gave me a lift home yesterday].i would forget my head....went to get aquarium gel stuff as instructed by bloke to do tank, but not able to come and is now coming this a.m. i hope..not sure if stuff is done right ,past caring just want it done ready for now.headache which i assume is tension, one day ....i am so tired only cried a few times today. good thing ?or not done bad thing? friend slept on my sofa last night -both of us are sh### managed to stay reasonably calm during sons' angry outburst then went to my room and cried , listened to relaxing c.d. didn't work. hey ho.dont know what to do with myself, well i do just don't know where to start.i seem to lose hours in the day? i dont feel any worse but still expect that light to be another train!!
decided i had to do something today.......groomed my dog, a giant breed. it takes quite a while but now looks better.i did get upset when i was nearing the end cos i needed help,but i did nearly all of it.This down ,flat, nothing, black place seems to be....i dont know just tried and got nowhere fighting it -options are few i cant find any way of beating it..........need a break and not going to have one. still not got any of paperwork done i will try tomorrow.
had an appointment with psychiatrist friday , he decided to try change of meds[ i wouldn't agree b4- as scared of feeling even worse?!!]anyway take 3weeks to change from 40 citalopram to venlafaxine x L 150mg . scary but given up now . so not a lot to lose i will check out the info on it. start tonight on 40 cit and37.5 ven will let you know if it helps
yvonne_uk_98
21-10-12, 00:51
thinking of you, hope you start to feel better soon. :hugs:
thankyou it does help when i 'think straight' to know that others have got through ..
sorry not been on here my black place was awful.
now changed meds onto venlafaxine and it seems to be helping - i dread it if it ever gets worse than that was.. but also had fantastic help from cbt -same person so didnt to go through starting process ,cried a lot ..also reminders of coping skills etc seems i forgot a lot. I have had some withdrawal from cit but coped and taking a while to 'acclimatise' to venlafaxine but getting there [i hope] Today is a better day, i have had 2 or 3 lately ..thank you for your help and encouragement .especially to Yvonne who was one of the few who 'got through' to me.. :hugs:
i do feel now, last month there was nothing really ..this is a bit of a b#####. :blush:
sorry after yesterdays good one today has been down again i am pretty sure it mustbe effects of meds just dont want to know..
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